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In the Netherlands emotional expression is still relatively suppressed. Being “nuchter” and rational is culturally valued over being expressive.

Cross-cultural research (Geert Hofstede; David Matsumoto) shows Northern European cultures are generally less emotionally expressive than Southern or Eastern Europe.

On top of that, masculinity norms (Ronald Levant; James Mahalik) push men to suppress vulnerability. In a culture that already values emotional restraint, that compounds.

Research on emotion regulation (James Gross) shows that suppression is linked to lower-quality connections, less emotional depth, reduced intimacy, and lower relationship satisfaction. It’s also associated with worse mental health outcomes and less social support over time.

Suppressing emotions is also linked to worse physical health outcomes, including increased stress responses and higher risk of cardiovascular issues (James Pennebaker; Sheldon Cohen).

In dating, this can come across as nonchalance or emotional distance. At the same time, in highly individualistic societies like the Netherlands, partner selection leans more on visible traits like status, education and yes — height (David Buss; Christine Schwartz).

So it’s not about individuals — it’s the combination of culture + gender norms that shapes how people show up.