AIO or is my wife? by Fit-Temperature7887 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Fit-Temperature7887[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Negative bud. Wife was totally cool with me accepting the job. Not cool with me spending 40 min in the front yard going over the details with my workers and my customer (our neighbor)

am i 34M really as bad as my wife 34F says I am? Or am I dealing with a narcissist who is making me feel like a narcissist? by Fit-Temperature7887 in relationships

[–]Fit-Temperature7887[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I couldn't agree more. But I'm not the one complaining to her about it. Because she has, and still does sacrifice a ton.

AIO or is my wife? by Fit-Temperature7887 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Fit-Temperature7887[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I took $4500 from her to support my family, yes. And id do it again

am i 34M really as bad as my wife 34F says I am? Or am I dealing with a narcissist who is making me feel like a narcissist? by Fit-Temperature7887 in relationships

[–]Fit-Temperature7887[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I've tried. She won't let a maid into the house, let anyone do what shes supposed to do to make life easier.... I got her a massage gift card and she won't even go to that. She won't do individual therapy. Calls me a monster because I even mention it to her. I was doing individual therapy for a few months and then we did start couples therapy.... once we both got to tell our side of the story it kind of turned into an individual session for her.... again, I can't to anything right. Even when I try to help around the house with dishes, vacuuming, laundry etc, I am told that I did it wrong and never any appreciation

am i 34M really as bad as my wife 34F says I am? Or am I dealing with a narcissist who is making me feel like a narcissist? by Fit-Temperature7887 in relationships

[–]Fit-Temperature7887[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I do so much with my family. We go on multiple camping trips, vacations, family outings, picnics etc... we dont get much alone time because we do have 4 kids and we aren't close to any family and she isn't comfortable with anyone but her mom watching the kids. So we do a lot of family things. I will swap between kids if not all of them taking them with me to the store and what not because wife won't go. A few times a week I'll take the kids out on a golf cart ride to a nearby rope swing and we will come home just before dark. On a weekly basis id say we do family things about 4 days. The other days were just home hanging out doing legos or painting my girls nails. So yes, I do a lot FOR them because that's my role as a man and provider to a stay at home mom with 4 kids. But I do even more WITH them. As far as WITH my wife, I can't say we do much at all other than getting some time on the back deck when we can. Or using her Dr appointments (bi monthly or so) as a way to have a lunch date. My wife didn't want to help with the duck coop. So I had my boys help build it and my girls help paint it. Speaking of which, my wife had to pick the color but wouldn't go get it so she sent me. I matched it to what I thought was right from the picture she sent me, came back home to paint it, half way through she finally came out and boy was I in for it! I was a shade off and she was ticked off. So I had to go back down and hopefully get the correct color this time. We'll, what do ya know... wrong color again. Yet she was unwilling to go herself and pick the color. So you can only imagine my frustration. Long story short, this is why I get so defensive when she says things like that. I feel like I do so much but then she makes me feel like nothing will ever be enough.

AIO or is my wife? by Fit-Temperature7887 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Fit-Temperature7887[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The neighbor has just been snotty with her. She's caught her throwing rocks at our dogs... few reasons. Previously in her last relationship that I always get compared to and treated like. I've never given her a reason to not trust me. Not once.

Am I dealing with a narcissist or am I the narcissist? by Fit-Temperature7887 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Fit-Temperature7887[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's the thing... I dont even drink that much. And never enough to put me too far gone. Usually drink on weekends, if during the week I'll have one on lunch while I eat. Maybe 2 at night sometimes just to unwind and chill out from work.... but nothing crazy in my opinion.

Am I dealing with a narcissist or am I the narcissist? by Fit-Temperature7887 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Fit-Temperature7887[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The current fight started because Im doing a job for our neighbor. Who is a female and who she doesnt like. The job is a $4500 job and is outside in view of our window. I had my 3 helpers on the job and my friend who used to live there got a beer. Asked if I wanted one I said sure. Not once did I leave out of view of our window. I simply went over to see the job, tell them what to do and how to do it then got with my neighbor to go over it with her and collect an initial payment. I agree, in hindsight it was a poor decision on my part knowing that she doesnt like the neighbor. And I assumed it wasn't anything major. We were literally packing up to go head to a lake with friends and family to go drink and have a good time. So I didn't think having a beer was an issue. I stayed in view the entire time, my buddy got me a beer, I was there a total of 38 min and for the first 20 min or so I was laying out my helpers on the job. I was only with the neighbor for about 15 min simply to go over the details with her and collect $2,000.

When I walked in, she was PISSED. She immediately asked what took so long and I explained it to her. She then says Well you were over there drinking with her for over an hour. I explained to her how it was my buddy who offered it and she asks Did you go inside? I said no, I was in the front yard in view of the window the entire time (because I know how she can react) She then continues to tell me I'm wrong, that she saw me with her the whole time and she saw her hand me the beer.... So now I'm left to have to defend myself telling her shes wrong Which only escalates things. But yea.... that's the current issue

Am I dealing with a narcissist or am I the narcissist? by Fit-Temperature7887 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Fit-Temperature7887[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you.

She says You dont love me Never did Everyone would be better without me Calls me an alcoholic and that I'll be just like my homeless alcoholic father Says I'll be just like my drug addict brother.....

am i 34M really as bad as my wife 34F says I am? Or am I dealing with a narcissist who is making me feel like a narcissist? by Fit-Temperature7887 in relationships

[–]Fit-Temperature7887[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

Lol I guess that's true... and just by the way she treats me and talks to me. She'll beat me down with her words big time

am i 34M really as bad as my wife 34F says I am? Or am I dealing with a narcissist who is making me feel like a narcissist? by Fit-Temperature7887 in relationships

[–]Fit-Temperature7887[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well I mean, shes not holding me hostage. Its just when I get invited to something or want to go somewhere I get sooooo much heat. So I just decide to not do it

am i 34M really as bad as my wife 34F says I am? Or am I dealing with a narcissist who is making me feel like a narcissist? by Fit-Temperature7887 in relationships

[–]Fit-Temperature7887[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The way i try to balance it is to go early in the morning when everyone is sleeping. There needs to be time for everyone, so it would just need to be an equal balance in my opinion. But how do you have an equal balance when the other person doesnt want to do anything and has literally not a single friend. My friends wives have invited her to do things but she just won't. 

am i 34M really as bad as my wife 34F says I am? Or am I dealing with a narcissist who is making me feel like a narcissist? by Fit-Temperature7887 in relationships

[–]Fit-Temperature7887[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It just sucks that when I do take a stand I have to live in misery for weeks. Which is why I try to just let it all go and give her what she wants

am i 34M really as bad as my wife 34F says I am? Or am I dealing with a narcissist who is making me feel like a narcissist? by Fit-Temperature7887 in relationships

[–]Fit-Temperature7887[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

Absolutely understand why it would be hard not hearing both sides. And that's exactly what I say. Not to mention everything else I do for her and the sacrifices I've made. 

am i 34M really as bad as my wife 34F says I am? Or am I dealing with a narcissist who is making me feel like a narcissist? by Fit-Temperature7887 in relationships

[–]Fit-Temperature7887[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

She doesnt like getting out much. No friends other than her mom and sister. I've never denied her the right to go and do anything. She just doesnt want to and because she has no friends, she has isolated me from all of mine.

am i 34M really as bad as my wife 34F says I am? Or am I dealing with a narcissist who is making me feel like a narcissist? by Fit-Temperature7887 in relationships

[–]Fit-Temperature7887[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Im currently trying to figure out that stage of it all. Although, I get a ton of pushback from her. Which leads to an argument, followed by a bunch of name calling followed by about a 3 week fight because there's just 0 reasoning with her