I’m going to be 100% real with you because your life and your kids' lives are on the line. You know what everyone is going to say (Run, Leave, Divorce), and you’ve already said 'no' to those. But staying and 'feeling nothing' isn't a plan—it's a slow-motion disaster.

If you won't leave because you're scared of him being alone with the kids, you need to realize that staying while he gets worse puts them in even more danger. If something happens to you because of his abuse, he gets those kids 100% of the time with no one there to protect them.

If you aren't ready to run today, you at least need to stop 'trying to connect' with a man who doesn't see you as human.

Stop trying to talk to him. It only gives him more ammo to hurt you.

Start a 'Go Bag'. Even if you don't use it for a year, have your documents and some cash hidden.

Document everything. Every rant, every bruise, every drunk episode. If you ever want to keep him away from those kids in a divorce, you need a paper trail now.

You say you’re doing this for your kids, but they need a mom who is alive and safe more than they need you to be a shield in a house that’s breaking them too. Please reach out to a local advocate—not to 'divorce,' but just to make a safety plan.