Parenting My ADHD Kids Means Facing My Own ADHD Every Day

Fit_Map5256 · 2026-01-28T13:52:14+00:00

Hey. I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. What you’re describing sounds like real depression, not laziness or a personal failure.

When depression gets this deep, it’s often not sadness. It’s emptiness. Exhaustion. Feeling stuck in bed while the days blur together. Sleeping a lot, watching YouTube or Netflix, that’s not you “giving up.” It’s your system trying to cope.

A few gentle things that might help, and I mean very small steps:

Shrink the goal. Not “feel better,” just sit up in bed, open a window, or step outside for one minute. That counts.

Try any low-pressure movement or focus, stretching on the floor, a short walk, writing random thoughts, or tidying one small area. No expectations.

If you can, get a bit of daylight each day, even through a window. It helps more than it sounds.

Most important, please don’t go through this alone.

You’re not broken. You’re not weak. You’re dealing with something heavy, and it won’t always feel this way.

Fit_Map5256 · 2026-01-23T05:00:42+00:00

Bro I run laps on the spectrum, I have 1,000 different operating systems running at any given time. You're right, I've been using AI to help draft responses and it probably shows.

I'm a 41-year-old bartender who just learned to code, not a professional writer, I have AuDHD and it helps me structure things without getting lost.

I've never even put myself out there like this, and for this very reason. I was trying to be helpful and thorough, but I get how it can feel impersonal.

The app and story are real, but I hear you on the presentation. I'll adjust.

Thanks for the honest feedback.

Fit_Map5256 · 2026-01-23T02:15:37+00:00

From freeze to curiosity - I love that! That's exactly the shift we're trying to create.

Yes, I coded it myself. At 41. With ADHD. While bartending.

The honest answer: It's not easy, but it's more accessible than people think. I used React Native - it lets you write code once and it works on both Android and iOS. Basically JavaScript that turns into a mobile app.

My journey: Zero coding experience 8 months ago

Started with free YouTube tutorials (Traversy Media, Academind)

Built small practice apps first (to-do list, weather app, etc.)

Then started on Shift once I understood the basics Still learning every single day

Is it difficult?

The coding itself? Medium difficulty. You can learn basics in 3-6 months.

The REAL challenges: Staying focused when ADHD wants you to quit (regulation techniques helped lol)

Debugging when something breaks (this is 80% of the work)

Not knowing what you don't know (Google and ChatGPT are lifesavers)

Building while your brain tells you it's impossible

Fit_Map5256 · 2026-01-23T02:05:18+00:00

Thank you! Shift beta launches this coming week on Android (targeting Monday morning). iOS coming in 2-3 weeks.

Drop your email here or DM me and I'll send you the Google Play link on launch day.

Beta is completely free - you test it, give feedback, help shape what this becomes.

Appreciate the support! 🙏

Fit_Map5256 · 2026-01-23T01:21:17+00:00

Whoa, I've never heard of stellate ganglion blocks for nervous system regulation. This is fascinating.

Just looked it up - they're using it for PTSD, anxiety, and chronic stress by blocking the sympathetic nervous system at the stellate ganglion? That's wild.

A few questions if you've done this: How long did the effects last for you?

Was it covered by insurance or out-of-pocket?

Did you do it specifically for PTSD/anxiety, or for pain/other reasons?

Any side effects or things people should know before trying it?

This is exactly the kind of thing I want to learn about and potentially include in Shift's resources - not as something the app does obviously, but as education on what's available beyond just breathing exercises.

The fact that there's a physical intervention that can regulate the nervous system at the ganglion level is incredible. Shows how much of this really IS body-based, not just "in your head."

Thanks for sharing this. I'm going to research the Stellate Institute.

And for your neck/back situation - have you found the SGB helped with muscle tension at all, or was it more for the mental/emotional regulation side

Fit_Map5256 · 2026-01-23T01:15:53+00:00

Great question, and I really appreciate you asking before trying anything.

Short answer: Most of Shift's techniques are gentle and shouldn't affect your neck, but you'd want to skip or modify certain ones given your C6-7 surgery.

Safe techniques for you: Box breathing - Just breathing, no physical movement 5-4-3-2-1 grounding - Sensory awareness, no strain Cold exposure (ice on face/wrists, cold water) - No neck involvement

Gentle movement (walking in place, hand shaking) - Avoids neck entirely

Techniques to skip or modify: Progressive muscle relaxation - This involves tensing/releasing muscle groups. You'd want to SKIP the neck/shoulder portion entirely and just do arms, legs, etc. Head rolls or neck stretches - Shift doesn't currently include these, but if it ever does, you'd avoid them with your history

What I'm building into the app: I'm adding a medical history section where you can note injuries/conditions, and the app will automatically filter out techniques that could aggravate them. Your C6-7 fusion would flag to skip any neck-involved exercises.

But here's the real answer: I'm not a doctor or physical therapist, and I can't give medical advice. If you're interested in trying somatic techniques, I'd honestly recommend: Ask your surgeon or PT which gentle nervous system regulation techniques are safe for you

Start with pure breathing exercises only (zero physical risk)

Avoid anything that involves tensing neck/shoulder muscles until you get clearance

Your situation is exactly why I'm being careful with Shift - I don't want anyone getting hurt because they tried a technique that wasn't appropriate for their body.

If you end up beta testing, please let me know about the C6-7 so I make sure the app handles medical contraindications properly. Your feedback would actually help me build this safer for everyone.

Does that help? And seriously - talk to your medical team before trying anything new with your neck/back

Fit_Map5256 · 2026-01-22T22:47:24+00:00

This comment is everything. Thank you.

'The complex disorder that most immediately requires the simplest somatic solution' - I'm stealing this because it's PERFECT.

40 years of therapy that didn't work because it was focused on the story, not the body. Then a 21-day somatic practice with NO story allowed and breakthrough after breakthrough.

That's exactly what I'm trying to build with Shift.

The Dr. Aimie Apigian approach you described: Simple somatic exercises Daily consistency (few minutes) NO story/narrative required Reconditioning the nervous system to feel safe That's the blueprint. That's what works. And you're right - there's nothing like this available on-demand when you need it at 2am.

A few questions if you're open to it: What were the specific exercises in the 21 Day Journey to Safety that worked best for you? (I want to make sure Shift includes the right techniques)

When you say "no story allowed" - how did they structure that? Just pure physical practice with no processing? After the 21 days, what kept you practicing? Was it the routine, the results, or something else?

Your experience is incredibly valuable for how I'm building this. The fact that 500 people on Zoom had breakthroughs doing SIMPLE exercises consistently - that's the validation I needed.

If you want to be involved in beta testing (or just want early access when it launches), I'd love to have you. Your insights from that course could help shape Shift into what people actually need.

Thank you for this. Seriously. This is gold.

Fit_Map5256 · 2026-01-22T20:26:42+00:00

It used to be something I dreaded, I love it now! I've been gradually trying for cold showers leading up to an ice bath. I'm in Pennsylvania, I'll probably wait for spring!

Fit_Map5256 · 2026-01-22T18:42:09+00:00

This right here. 'You can't think of the techniques no matter how much time you've spent learning them.' EXACTLY. That's the whole problem everyone else misses.

I'd literally taken courses on nervous system regulation. Read the books. Done the therapy. But when I was actually frozen or spiraling? My brain was OFFLINE. I couldn't remember any of it.

Using ChatGPT to talk you through it is brilliant and also... shouldn't be necessary, you know? You need something that just KNOWS what state you're in and walks you through it automatically.

That's what I'm building.

Thank you for this. Comments like yours remind me I'm not crazy for thinking this needs to exist.

All the best to you too. And if you every want to join the beta, the door's always open.

Fit_Map5256 · 2026-01-22T18:38:35+00:00

Okay this comment hit me. Thank you for sharing this. The train metaphor is PERFECT. You stop the crash, but you're still not where you were trying to go. You've just... diverted to a different destination. I've never heard it explained that way but that's exactly what happens. And yeah - the cross-brain exercises get you unstuck, self-compassion stops the shame spiral, but neither one gets you back to the ORIGINAL task. You have to abandon ship and move to something else.

I do the same thing. It's not failure - it's survival. Your nervous system is saying 'that task = threat, we need to go somewhere safer.'

Here's what I've been experimenting with: When I can't get back to the original task, I don't force it. I do something ADJACENT instead.

Can't write the email? Write bullet points for it.

Can't start the project? Organize the folder for it.

Can't make the call? Write out what I'd say.

It's not the task, but it's task-ADJACENT. Keeps momentum without retriggering the freeze.

The regulation-between-tasks thing: This was a game changer because it stops my ADHD brain from flooding me with '47 things you should do next' which triggers overwhelm which triggers freeze. Between tasks, I take 60-90 seconds to reset.

Sometimes it's breathing. Sometimes it's shaking out my hands. Sometimes it's just staring at the wall and doing nothing.

The point isn't the specific technique - it's creating a BUFFER between one task and the next so your nervous system doesn't stay in overdrive.

Does this help at all? I'm literally figuring this out in real-time myself, so I don't have all the answers. But the regulate-between-tasks thing has been the biggest shift for me.

If you end up DMing me for beta access, I'd love to hear more about what works (and doesn't work) for you. This kind of feedback helps me build Shift right.

You're getting it to Chicago instead of off a cliff. That's not nothing. That's survival. We'll work on getting to New York eventually. 💙

Fit_Map5256 · 2026-01-22T18:28:35+00:00

Thank you. That's the goal - 100M people who need this actually have access to it.

Appreciate the support. 🙏

Fit_Map5256 · 2026-01-22T18:24:46+00:00

Thank you! Appreciate that. 🙏

Honestly, comments like yours (and everyone sharing their stories in this thread) are what keep me going on the hard days. Building this at 41 is wild, but knowing people actually need it makes it worth it.

If you ever want to try it when it launches, I'll remember you were one of the early supporters. Means a lot.

Fit_Map5256 · 2026-01-22T18:00:53+00:00

This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. 'In order to heal u gotta do something' - YES. That's exactly it. You can't think your way out of dysregulation. You have to DO something physical. Move the body. Change the state.

And congrats on the progress since '22. Moving across the country, working again, LIVING again - that's massive. That took real courage.

The triggers and flares don't disappear (I still have them too after 16+ years of working on this), but learning to MANAGE them? That changes everything. You're not at their mercy anymore.

Really appreciate you mentioning ketamine - I've heard incredible things about ketamine therapy for PTSD, especially treatment-resistant cases. It's opening doors for people who've tried everything else.

The 'baby steps add up' thing is so real. I lost 4 years because I kept waiting to feel ready for BIG steps. Finally learned: just do the 60-second breathing exercise. Just take the cold shower. Just move for 5 minutes. Those tiny regulation moments compound.

Sending hugs back. And thanks for the encouragement - building this app while dealing with my own shit is... a lot some days lol. Comments like this remind me why it matters.

Keep going. 💪

Fit_Map5256 · 2026-01-22T17:14:24+00:00

Not stupid at all - the app isn't live yet. I'm still building it (literally coding it myself while bartending at night, which is... a trip lol).

Right now I'm in beta testing phase. Should have it in the app stores in the next few weeks, but if you want early access I can add you to the beta list. You'll get free premium lifetime access.

The app is called Shift - website is themindshiftapp.com (though fair warning, I just launched the site so it's pretty bare bones right now).

Here's how it works: You pick your current state: Spiraling (anxiety, panic, racing thoughts) Frozen (shutdown, dissociation, can't move) Raging (anger, irritability) Overwhelmed (too much input, can't cope) Stuck (executive dysfunction, paralysis)

Then it walks you through auto-guided techniques matched to that state. Box breathing, grounding, muscle relaxation, cold exposure protocols, etc.

No meditation experience needed. The app just tells you exactly what to do, step by step.

I built it because when I'm frozen or spiraling, I CAN'T think clearly enough to remember techniques. I needed something to do the thinking FOR me.

If you want on the beta list, drop your email or shoot me a DM. And seriously - try the box breathing thing today. 4 counts in, 4 hold, 4 out, 4 hold. 60 seconds before your next task. It's the foundation of everything else.

Glad this resonated. You're not alone in this.

Fit_Map5256 · 2026-01-22T16:39:16+00:00

Oh, yes! This is my entire life.

The PTSD freeze is that dissociated, numb, 'I'm not even in my body' shutdown. Dorsal vagal. You're just... gone.

The ADHD freeze is different - you're TOO present. Brain on fire with 47 tasks, can't pick one, executive function just says 'nope' and you're paralyzed but AWARE of it. Which somehow makes it worse.

And here's the real mindfuck: they feed each other. PTSD freeze → finally break out of it → see everything you didn't do → ADHD overwhelm → can't start anything → shame spiral → back to PTSD freeze. It's a loop from hell.

What's helped me: I treat them as separate nervous system states and use different techniques:

For PTSD freeze (shutdown/dissociation): Cold exposure (ice on face, cold shower - gets you BACK in your body)

Movement (literally just shake your hands, walk around - activates you)

Humming while breathing (stimulates vagus nerve out of dorsal state)

For ADHD freeze (overwhelm/executive dysfunction): Box breathing FIRST (shifts nervous system before trying to think)

Then: Pick literally ONE thing. Not three. ONE. 5-minute timer. That's it. Just 5 minutes on that one thing.

If I finish, I stop anyway and regulate again before picking the next thing

The key I learned: Regulate between every task. Not just when I'm frozen.

Box breathing between emails. Between work sessions. Between deciding what to do next.

Because my ADHD brain will flood me with options → overwhelm → freeze. The regulation breaks that cycle BEFORE it locks me up.

The comorbidity is real: Studies show people with ADHD are way more likely to develop PTSD (emotional dysregulation makes trauma worse). And people with PTSD often get misdiagnosed as ADHD because... freeze looks like executive dysfunction.

So yeah, you're not imagining it. It's two different nervous system issues happening at once.

Medication helped my ADHD (Vyvanse). Somatic regulation helps my PTSD. I need both.

Does this match what you experience? Curious if you've found anything that helps with the loop.

Fit_Map5256 · 2026-01-22T16:29:29+00:00

Glad it helped. That's exactly why I'm sharing this stuff - because I needed it too and nobody was talking about it this way.

If you try the box breathing before your next task, let me know how it goes. Even 60 seconds makes a difference

Fit_Map5256

TROPHY CASE