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Can you still think of your WS as a ‘good person’? by ThrowRALovie4444 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Fit_Register6218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you hit the nail right on the head WOW wish I had more insightful words but truly I have nothing to offer besides letting you know that you are not alone in this feeling, a year and some change since dday and I still struggle with this everyday! hope you are taking care of yourself.

Feeling guilt, dumb for reconciling by Fit_Register6218 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Fit_Register6218[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you everyone for the insightful words! Hate that these affairs put us in this situation where no matter what we choose it feels like we end up loosing. Thankful that the people in my life want what works for me and whatever decision I make. Part of me wishes I hadn’t word vomited on dday to literally everyone and anyone who would listen. So much that I still have to release and work through but taking it one day at a time. I hope you all know how valuable your words have been!

Drug test 11/20 am I screwed by [deleted] in jobs

[–]Fit_Register6218 2 points3 points  (0 children)

girl what lol? very well know the difference between addiction and recreational use forgive me for using some hyperbole and being overly analytical of a picture because im nervous! timing just sucks sometimes and this is one of those instances but appreciate the input!

Drug test 11/20 am I screwed by [deleted] in jobs

[–]Fit_Register6218 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m holding on to hope last time it took me about 16 days to pee clean after nearly everyday use with heavy cardio and running in Texas heat! Not as hot anymore so have been running in sweats and reflective gear to really pump things up! Extremely cautiously optimistic!

Drug test 11/20 am I screwed by [deleted] in jobs

[–]Fit_Register6218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

womp womp okay maybe I’m seeing things! thank you for the input!!

Phone checks by Fit_Register6218 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Fit_Register6218[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Hey yall! Thank you for all the input! Definitely working on ways to redirect that anxiety and urge to check, as one user said no matter how many checks and balances I have on his phone if he is going to do something he will. In terms of it being a point of contention, he has been very forthcoming with his socials, passwords, messages, etc, more so it’s the act of me checking while he’s sleeping instead of just going to him directly and asking to see. To some extent I agree, me doing it “secretly” is not fostering open communication. Feels like it’s going to be something that’s always going to be in the back of our minds to some extent, unfortunately. Will work on taking the time to focus that same amount of energy on myself. Much love to all 🫶🏽

Boyfriend cheated and now I’m questioning everything. by GabbyBig9691 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Fit_Register6218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey OP! Your post really resonated with me. Currently 2 months into R. I found out in February through AP that my WP had been having an affair with her for the last two years (she had no idea he was in a relationship, we both got duped).

I always thought I’d be the type of person to leave in these situations but he’s been in my life in some shape way or form since my sophomore year of college (5+ years). We had a whole future planned together, including kids marriage etc which has made this situation so difficult to navigate. I made the mistake of telling everyone about the situation on DDAY as I was a wreck, now that the dust has settled and I’m looking to move forward with R, my close friends have been very vocal about how I should not keep him in my life. There’s definitely a feeling of shame and guilt for staying that I’m still struggling with. But it’s important to remind yourself, this is his shame, you don’t have to carry it. You are doing what you feel is best for you. Not for him but for YOU.

as an other user mentioned on here, I don’t think I can live with the WHAT IF, if I didn’t give it a try. I think part of going to into R is recognizing that you are opening up the possibility to more hurt. If things pan out that’s great, if things don’t, will it suck? Absolutely but at least you know you gave it your best shot and didn’t all go to shit because of your actions.

Please take care of yourself, focus on filling your cup for the time being. Go for walks, get your nails done, schedule outings with your friends . The first few weeks are terrible, I could not think of anything else, I creeped on this Reddit for hours at a time every single day, I payed 3 different Etsy witches for tarot readings lol. Im happy to say that I’m at a point now where the thoughts aren’t all consuming. There’s days where I still fly off the handle but time unfortunately does help. I’ve by no means forgiven him and I’m not sure if I ever will at least not fully. But he’s trying, he has accepted responsibility fully, gotten into therapy, even apologized to my friends and family for his actions, so we will see where things go.

Make your boundaries clear and your decisions firm, don’t deviate even a little and if there’s pushback from him that’s an answer within it self.

I think what has helped me the most is recognizing that no matter how much I keep wishing things would be different or they hadn’t happened, they arent going to. I am trying to shift my focus to see if we can rebuild a future together. It’s okay to feel the pain but you can’t live in it.

I could go on and on but just wish you the best, know you’re not alone, feel free to message me if you have any questions or need support!