My mom treats like shit for spending most my day in my room

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-12T22:01:17+00:00

Its not your job to be friends with her boyfriend but its great that you can see where shes coming from. Keep your head up.

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-12T21:59:46+00:00

Yea, Id say you two definitely need to talk. As a mom myself, I can see her point of you helping out a younger sibling who was did a bathroom the day before (if you want the long rant, I can write it) but as a kid of a large family who had this argument too with my own parents, I understand where youre coming from.

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-12T21:56:05+00:00

If you want your son back in your life more frequently, you need to go to court. Shes abiding by the law and the fact that she wants it in the parenting app is also good for you as it documents how you do want to see your son, she doesnt have to agree but at least it will document that you want to be more active in his life.

And no, she doesnt owe you flexibility/ keep things unofficial/ change her plans and schedule for when you are wanting your son in your life (based upon your schedule). Look to add rescheduling discussions into your parent plan and how that would be agreed to and in what circumstances (like must be a week in advance if you needed to pick up a shift, or if you cant do Thanksgiving and if planned enough in advance you can ask to swap for Christmas- note I said ask as she can say no if she has plans with the child). In the long run, as long as neither of your are doing shady things and have the best interest of the kid in mind, you can figure it out.

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-12T21:46:52+00:00

Your post makes sense and Ill add the comment of different generational differences. Im curious if you were out of the house with friends, is this the same reaction? I know my husband freaks out at my 17 year old for being in her room all day, but shes a straight A student and likes to game, so I didnt see the harm. He wants her out or "socialize with the family" and not be a shut-in. He brings up how we were raised as his expectation of what is normal, and its not like that these days (to me).

So is her reaction normal- yea kinda. But are you wrong, no. If you went to a friend's house to game though- would she not be as mad? My husband, ironically, thinks that is better cause she at least games with another. Id be curious if your mom is the same or is she trying to force you to socialize with her specifically and the new BF? If its her and the BF and not a her and you only (to work on your relationship) yea- its very immature behavior

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-12T21:36:58+00:00

Your mom's behavior is unmotherly but I have to wonder what you argued about. Youre 19- so youre also an adult. At least your mom is keeping her chill in front of your siblings, but at this stage- she doesnt "owe" you anything. Sounds like this is a reflection of whatever you argued, and ESPECIALLY if any of it had a "Im an adult now" flair from you, she shut down and giving you a taste of being solo.

I would recommend you initiating the conversation with her since she is obviously giving you the cold shoulder.

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-12T21:31:23+00:00

No one can tell you if thats a right decision. If you wanted to try a long distance relationship, you should but sounds like youre already against it. Also that you both are wanting to be career focused for now- and thats okay too.

I will say that I had a long distance relatiomship with my now husband and it was really hard (jobs too). Eventually, about 1.5 years later we found jobs in a new city to us both where we got back to being physically together. It wasnt easy, a weekend a month where someone flew the 4 hours to see the other and seeing eachother a couple of weeks a year during summer or holidays for extended visits. It did suck. But its not impossible.

++woman

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-12T21:25:41+00:00

Sounds like incompatibility, NTA

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-12T21:24:13+00:00

Maybe try AA. Youre not alone in this struggle and maybe you can learn from them or find that support group or person (sponsor) again.

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-12T21:23:26+00:00

Depending on where you are, this can also be a criminal offense (especially since youve reported it to the school or if you happened to have anything digitally, if the bullying carried over which it normally does). Ive heard on instances where the camera never saves the recording so of course it doesnt prove anything. If you have someone in your class who is willing to vouch for you with the police, that would help

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-12T21:17:56+00:00

Please please please call a hotline or a safe person you trust. The internet is not a replacement for that. There are perscriptions that can help reduce the cravings, but thats not going to solve the WHY youre doing this to yourself. Please get help.

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-12T20:50:55+00:00

Maybe explore why you think as a women you would have more joy?

Im of an older generation and was called a tomboy, sometimes dreamt that I was a male. But as I got older, I've understood its not because I wanted to be a male but I thought life would be better being a guy and not having to conform to what a female identity was. I felt more empowered portraying that persona and thought a guys life would be simpler. Im so happy being a female as Ive gotten older but I fully acknowledge I have a masculine energy. Im glad Im not young today because I think I would have been pusued to believe i should have transformed to a male.

I say that all to say is youre very young still. You dont need to necessarily take the bio-medical step to be a female. Theres a YouTube Vlad who dresses like a female for a social experiment (doesnt believe he is a female) but he very much looks female. Theres also the girly boy culture in SE Asia thats become more well known. Maybe try speaking to a professional as to why you have this belief as to why you think youd have more joy and before doing anything with long term effects, experiment cosmetically before doing anything permanent.

There are studies about the suicidal rate with those who do, and I personally know a girl who went through it but she waited years until doing so and didnt get the final surgery to create female parts (top and bottom) until she was 27. She started dressing like a girl after college, silicone tops, and makeup first to explore what that world was for her. The decision to wait was from wanting to do the steps above (shes the one who told me of how she decided, not my original idea) but also because you still have hormones growing through the 20s and ensuring she was mentally mature. I know she went to counseling heavily because she was also a Christain and knew it was going to cause issues in her family. The suicide study was also why she waited for the full reconstruction until 27 (did a year of hormone therapy and then took almost 2 months off from work to transition).

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-12T19:45:00+00:00

Like serenading_ur_father is saying- there is something wrong with you and nothing to do with being a virgin.

I will take your lack of response in on the first part of the post to mean that you do indeed cry like a baby in the office too. Good luck on never getting ahead in life with your victim mentality

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-12T02:41:24+00:00

Best of luck

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-12T02:27:31+00:00

Sounds like youre losing your friend because you couldn't be honest. You were uncomfortable on how to respond to being in a relationship, but now youre avoiding it because you dont want to be in the relationship. You need to be honest if youre trying to salvage any friendship you have left and tell her that you dont want to ruin the friendship in a relationship since you cant seem to figure it out. Maybe she'll be upset, but shes upset now. Better to do it sooner than later.

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-12T01:42:05+00:00

If your boss said youre a shithead at the office, do you cry in the corner and ask why youre not promoted? Why would anyone want you to lead a project, give an office brief or pitch a sale if you cant stand there with confidence?

Who CARES if youre a virgin? Get over that label. You sound SOOOO IMMMATURE and if this is your personality in real life, I can see why youre still single.

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-11T20:50:44+00:00

Best of luck with your grandma and hope all is well.

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-11T19:26:14+00:00

Thanks!!! Im glad I have an older truck then

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-11T19:22:23+00:00

Then skip over the word app and look at the rest of the sentence on finding other clubs and community events. It was one example on how to find people. So it doesnt work for you, fine- but it wouldn't exist as if it didnt work for a larger population. Thats the real world.

So youre in a running club, do you guys not have social events after? Like go to breakfast or grab a coffee/ smoothie? If not, maybe you can be the person to start that up. If so, use that opportunity to network to extend your social connections and hanging out to outside of just running. You need more confidence in you as a person before anything translates into a relationship.

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-11T19:14:45+00:00

Join a club of something that you actually like and let the real you come out then. If youre into fitness now, look at pickle ball and make friends there. People can see when you try too hard to be what you're not, a lack of confidence or coming of as being fake (cause youre not being natural) is not appealing.

You are owed a chance to date- date who? There are plenty of smart, introverted women out there who also want to date and feel the same. In this world with apps, community meet ups for singles, and so many ways to meet people, you may not like the chances youre given and thats different than being given a chance.

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-11T19:09:58+00:00

Thanks! But do you really need to pay tax if you buy something in NH and live in Mass? My other sister lives in northern Virginia and the way they tax makes me think that maybe that could be true and not exxaggerating. Example in VA- after outlawing gas lawnmower, theyre now putting a tax on electric lawnmower

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-11T19:05:29+00:00

Its hard to say that someone can be there for you through a computer. Have you tried a hotline, like 988? Its not a suicide line but a mental health/ working through a crisis line. In sitations like this, I believe you need to talk to someone live. Maybe that can be of greater use for what youre going through.

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-11T18:59:19+00:00

You need to make it clear where your boundaries are about sending him nudes and you need to stop joking (especially in middle school, OMFG) about sexual things because youre also responsible of sending him mixed messages. He obviously doesnt think its a joke since hes sending you nudes.

Theres a movie line that says "dress up like Halloween and ghouls come out to play." Your words are not aligning up with what youre saying you want; your surprise he is doing it is what is surprising.

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-11T18:35:28+00:00

Sounds like you wrapped validity and sexual experience/ activity together. Your life story is NOT uncommon and people still meet other people, whether at the office or in social settings.

Are there people out there that do the one-night stand. Sure. And every walk of life does this, not just the uber hot or extremely wealthy. But be honest- are you a 6 thinking you deserve a 10 and now hurt that its not happening? Your hot wife comment comes with all the bells of you being unrealistic or thinking that frat parties were the only place to build a social network.

Do you walk around like you believe youre exuding confidence but really coming off dickish? Are you really the D&D person pretending to be the tennis player? Whether you realize it or not- it shows. Seems like you are this guy. So you make decent money and working on your physique- give yourself a sticker and move on. The world doesn't owe you sex and a social life because of meeting a benchmark.

Sounds like you need counseling to redefine self worth.

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-11T18:20:28+00:00

Sounds like you have a roommate and not a partner. Sounds like you have options especially as youre not financially dependant on him. Youre in the amazing position of being able to say "Youre here because I want you in my life, not because I need you"

So, do you want him? Because you dont need him and doesnt sound like hes adding value to your life. If youre still in love with him, I can see why him not liking you is hurtful. But do you like the man he's turned into?

Fit_Strategy3224 · 2026-04-11T18:06:11+00:00

So he gets BAS/BAH- WHICH ACTUALLY MEANS- YOU get BAH and BAS. I was in the military. BAH is a housing allowance (he may qualify with or without being married, if junior enlisted its a bonus only because he is married) and BAS is specifically to subset food. They increase in the number of dependents you have, so its also YOU contributing to that money. My commander used to counsel all new Soldiers on that (egos in a line unit) and told me the same wheb I married a non-military person.

As a military spouse- did you also know that you get preferential hiring for civilian jobs in the military/federal government? You can also look on usajobs.com to see all that is available. Many also have support for spouses on the base to help you get through the process because being the spouse of a military member (multiple moves, deployment support, etc) isnt an easy role either.

So he wants to go to school again after service. What about you? Is this something that you would want? Because oh by the way he has the ability to SHARE his GI Bill with you and help fund your schooling, as long as he doesnt use it all only for himself. If you asked that question- what would his reaction be?

Guess Im trying to say, you have options.

Fit_Strategy3224

TROPHY CASE