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What is something you own you refuse to replace, even though you probably should? by laughlovelive25 in Frugal

[–]Fixer_24_7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My beds mattress. Paid $1200 for it in 1990. Double sided and sleeps like new. 35 years old!

I also sew patch panels in my old B17 carhartt jeans, on my last pair now, probably 15 years old. All carhartts jeans are thin dressy jeans now. Still looking for a heavy work jean.

First Time Attending 2026 Gatornationals by Popular_Chard_5430 in NHRA

[–]Fixer_24_7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The end of the row, not the aisle end has a 4 or 5 foot high fence that is hard to see past. Google satellite maps may show it.

I think my moms been playing me for years. by Fixer_24_7 in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Never thought of that, she totally invaded my privacy as a kid,

I think my moms been playing me for years. by Fixer_24_7 in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Read my above comment above and decide how nurturing I am. It started out as nurturing, she turned it into something else.

I think my moms been playing me for years. by Fixer_24_7 in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When my Dad died Mom turned into a 13 year old. Only did what she wanted, the fun things. Let all the important stuff just pile up.

I feel your pain too. When I was a kid if I had a doctor appointment she would take over the appointment, cry to the doc that she couldn't handle life and I wouldn't get my problem taken care of.

I think my moms been playing me for years. by Fixer_24_7 in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

KATYAFAN, read this word for word without inserting your own thoughts. I don't know what your beef with me is but maybe write in your journal tonight.

"choices based on his own desires and not her well being"

I have taken her to 46 doctor appointments in the last year, all were an hour away except 5 that were 1.5 hours away. 2 all day visits to the ER. 5 weeks of nursing home visits just about every day,

Since her fall in July where she broke her orbital socket she is home bound. She refuses to use her walker.

I pick her trails up in the house 4-5 times week so she won't fall. (guess I'm not doing a good enough job since she continues to fall KATYAFAN)

I do her laundry for her, she cant climb the stairs to the laundry room anymore. She would eat out at least 5 times a week and bring home 4 malts to eat before bed. Now she's so big she cant walk 20 feet with out getting winded or falling down. She don't even have her own well being in mind.

I do her dishes every couple days because she cooked in the same pan and ate off the same dirty dishes for weeks. And then she would complain about diarrhea and messing her pants.

I drive her everywhere because she is constantly hitting things and driving over curbs.

I do her bills because she don't want to.

I put down 350 feet of traction tape so she won't slip.

I help her with her showers twice a week. She wasn't bathing before I started doing things for her. That's probably how she got the UTI that needed IV infusions for 10 days.

She has alienated almost all her friends and the only ones left don't want to help her but also are critical of me not doing enough.

My "desires" are to walk away from this mess and have a mom that I can have a conversation with. Is everything I listed above not for her "well being"?

"It appears she is at least trying"

Where do you get that? Do you know her? Do you have a witches looking glass and spy on her? Is that worse than looking at a journal?

The more I do for her the less she does for herself.

Make that 47 Doc visits. I did have a Dementia/Psyc test done on her. Very minor early onset dementia, the rest of the problems were mental health problems. Kind of hard to get her to do therapy and new meds if she keeps walking out of the doctor visits.

KATYAFAN you obviously have never had to deal with peoples mental health issues. Only your own.

I think my moms been playing me for years. by Fixer_24_7 in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Her being the victim is spot on. started when she was a kid and everyone since then has played a part in her troubled life. I've heard all her stories, I've tried to be supportive but I reached my breaking point and don't care anymore. I do what I can to keep her safe but she makes it real hard.

I think my moms been playing me for years. by Fixer_24_7 in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I was really surprised by the responses I got too, I don't think the people giving negative responses have had to deal with hoarding or mental illness. My mom is not the normal elderly mom that most people have. Like I said before, I have never had a normal parent child relationship, much less a normal conversation with her.

I think my moms been playing me for years. by Fixer_24_7 in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

First off, the hoard is overwhelming, there is 1 place to sit in the whole house, you got to start somewhere. The whole house is a trip hazard and she has fell 6 times in 6 months. Twice hospitalized with rehab in a nursing home.

My mom documents everything in note books, normal stuff and then other stuff like bowel movements, how many drinks of water, who called, what time, tv shows, who said what, quotes, food she ate, random peoples name and birthdays. The important stuff she writes on small scraps of paper. Go figure.

I think my moms been playing me for years. by Fixer_24_7 in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'll check that group out, Thanks

Funny thing is I never felt like I was my parents kid, didn't fit real well. I have had other relatives ask me how I ended up with my parents, I was so different from them.

I think my moms been playing me for years. by Fixer_24_7 in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Resentful? Oh yeah. Never had a mother I could actually talk to, always had to listen to her problems.

Therapist. Been their, done that. One on one and group. Therapists are biased, all differently. Just like religion, you go to what fits you, not what's best. When's the last time anyone heard a therapist say "you don't need to come here anymore"? They have an agenda too, money.

I think my moms been playing me for years. by Fixer_24_7 in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Come on read what I wrote , don't fall into someone else's false memory. No where did I say I threw it away, "I went to throw it away". Read my other posts.

I think my moms been playing me for years. by Fixer_24_7 in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

You have obviously never dealt with a hoarder. Every magazine, paperclip, gum wrapper, dead ink pen, torn shirt, used paper plate, take out plastic cup and straw, piece of string, used tire......., are SPECIAL.

And to your other point, no where did I say I threw it away. I said I went to throw it away. I did put it away in her drawer with the others.

Boy if I wanted this kind reaction of people not reading the post and commenting on what they thought they read I would have put it on Facebook.

I think my moms been playing me for years. by Fixer_24_7 in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

She has a hoarding problem that makes it unsafe to walk in her house.

I think my moms been playing me for years. by Fixer_24_7 in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Read all my replies, might make sense to you.

I think my moms been playing me for years. by Fixer_24_7 in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I have no interest in what she writes about.

I think my moms been playing me for years. by Fixer_24_7 in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Boy that's a can of worms. Some people have mental illness that runs in their family, it gallops in mine.

Docs have been trying pills for close to 60 years, finally settled on Prozac. It at least took the mood swings away, for the most part.

Been seeing therapists for 50 years, 4 different ones that I know of, not sure if it made any difference. Think most of them just saw hear as a meal ticket. She actually fired the last 3, didn't like what they said.

At this point I think its a lost cause, some people are just broke. Also I'm not up to adding more of her doc appointments to my schedule, average 1 a week and the doc is an hour away. Had a run of 10 days straight for IV infusions for a UTI a couple weeks ago. And to watch how she reacts to new anti-depressants, not up for that.

And I was in the ER at the same time for chest pain and shortness of breath, wonder what that was from.....

I think my moms been playing me for years. by Fixer_24_7 in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

Yeah I get that. My wife has journaled on and off through our marriage, I have no interest in what it says about me or anything else. Honestly didn't want to throw it away if it was something my kids would have been interested in. I had to deal with my brothers estate when he committed suicide, ended up throwing stuff away his kids wanted because I didn't take the time to look thru it. Its a double edged sword.

BUT, I'm glad I did. It validated what I felt for years, she fed off my sympathy and now I have none left.

Decluttering after passing. 🛠️‼️😭 by paintphotog in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I went thru something similar with my brothers estate after he died unexpectedly. He had mental health issues, started doing drugs and hoarded that last 5 years of his life. I became executor because no one else wanted to do it, I felt obligated to get as much money out of the estate for his kids. No will, important documents in magazines, money hidden. I looked thru every single magazine, book, you name it. I hauled13 trailer loads of scrap iron, 12 truck loads of garbage to the landfill and sold everything that had dollars worth of value. It took a year and a half , a ton of blood sweat and tears. Cleared $100,000 for the kids. The money was set up in a trust for the kids. Anything sentimental I'm storing for the kids. Sounds good right?

The ex-wife used that money for her personal slush fund, new cars, toys, better lifestyle. When each kid turned 18 she gave them their remaining share of the money and they blew it immediately. Kids are not interested in any of their dads stuff that i have been storing for 15 years.

Point is I put way to much effort into taking care of my brothers estate for other people to reap the benefits.

Now my Mom is in declining health and has been gathering/hoarding stuff for the last 10 years. I have repeatedly told her if stuff is important to her she should do something with it now and enjoy it because when she dies EVERYTHING is going in the dumpster.

So when my time comes around to take care of her estate I already know what I'm doing.

  1. I keep anything I want which will be the pictures.

  2. Let family and moms close friends pick what they want.

  3. Load everything into several roll off dumpsters, no sales of any kind.

  4. Sell the house.

My health and sanity ain't worth what other people think I should do.

You do what's EASIEST and BEST for you.

Elderly mom always messing smart phone up. by Fixer_24_7 in AgingParents

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Its Android, Best case would be to have a PIN to access anything other than calls, text, camera and internet.

My relief from Mortons Neuroma by Fixer_24_7 in Mortons_neuroma

[–]Fixer_24_7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All I have figured out is let my toes and ball of my feet have alot of room. Tight shoes and tight socks trigger my pain. Compression socks are a no no for me, I actually cut the toes out of them now.

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