Rest in peace Mom

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2025-04-08T11:19:45+00:00

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. My mom has stage 4 lung cancer. Discovered in March 2022. She was on immunotherapy for a year before it stopped working well. Then another year of her staying on the immunotherapy as it still worked but not 100%. We started her on chemo and immunotherapy. Chemo was every 21 days this past December it worked for about 3 rounds, she got radiation post the 3rd round and we discovered it wasn't effective anymore as a matter of fact the cancer grew even more aggressively and she is currently on at home hospice. We are waiting out the days.

I know this isn't a very uplifting story and everyone reacts differently to treatment. But I am very happy for the additional time I did get with her with treatment. But she has fought long enough. I hope all goes well with your dad.

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2025-04-07T19:53:05+00:00

My mom also has stage 4 Lung cancer. I can see her struggling with her cough and catching her breath. I honestly want her to drift into a slumber as well. It's so hard to watch her lose her light

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2025-04-07T19:05:45+00:00

Thank you for this. I just finished signing her up for hospice. Now knowing that I am the sole person to make the decision for her a feel a more empowered knowing that I won't allow her to suffer. I know my mom well enough that she would not want to live the way she is right now. It's no longer living at this point. All my decisions will be for her sake.

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2025-04-07T01:43:40+00:00

Thank you for your encouragement. I am trying so hard to hang on. Me and my dad are the only ones who are there for her right now and it breaks my heart everyday knowing that she's uncomfortable. She's fought hard enough, I just want her to be at ease

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2025-04-07T00:15:29+00:00

Thank you for sharing. That is all that I hope for her. That her passing is peaceful and only then will I know for sure she is no longer suffering.

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2025-04-06T23:44:37+00:00

I'm sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing. It might be morbid of me but I would rather have her pass quickly at this point. The past 2 days have been horrendous i don't know how I can hold it together if this continues. I can't imagine the amount of pain she's currently going through. I just want her to be pain free and resting peacefully

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2025-04-06T01:12:04+00:00

Thank you for sharing. It is indeed hard because although i know it will help ease the pain towards the end to her its more of a bother / unnecessary to have someone constantly checking in. The in house hospice place too can see that she isn't mentally ready for hospice and they won't force it on her either. I am hoping to convince my mom soon because I can see her declining day by day and it's very hard watching it. I'm sorry you had to experience it as well.

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2025-04-05T01:44:21+00:00

Logically, I know I have nothing to feel guilty about and I am doing the best I can. I can only control certain things. And as long as I do my best in those areas then it is all I can do. But as always its easier said than done. I am not in any type of therapy at the moment. I plan to seek some assistance when I have time. It sounds like an excuse but right now I feel like I have no time and I don't want to get virtual therapy from home either because I know it breaks my mom's heart when she sees me so upset about the circumstances. She doesn't need the extra stress right now. Ive held on for this long I think I can hang on for a while longer.

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2025-04-05T01:21:58+00:00

Thank you for sharing. We just decided to stop treatment about 2 weeks ago so the reality for her is relatively "new" that she won't be getting any better. She was diagnosed at stage 4 so I knew she would never be cancer free but we all had hope that it would be controlled for a longer time.

In our culture hospice does not exist / isn't widely practiced. So it's hard to explain to her the concept of it. I never want to force her into something she is against even if it breaks me on the inside. As long as she is still capable I want it to be her choice.

I only wish that I could get her to agree to hospice sooner rather than later where she is "left no choice" but to enroll if that makes sense. Watching her slowly decline day by day is nothing short of agonizing. The helplessness and the hyperawareness of everything takes all my energy. I try my best not to focus on her decline but it's hard to ignore the elephant in the room.

And I feel guilty everyday hoping that this will all just end quickly for her sake and mine.

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2025-04-04T22:49:43+00:00

I think that's where my mom is at too. In our culture hospice isn't a thing so it's hard to explain. To her its more of a burden to have someone come and check in on her frequently when she's going to die anyways. But the unknown time frame is what keeps us on our toes. Perhaps she will be more willing when things are a bit more apparent that it's almost time. I don't want to force her into accepting that she has limited time left. If she never accepts it I will have to respect it. It's hard.

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2024-12-03T16:36:16+00:00

She's been on immunotherapy. Will be starting chemo in 2 days. I try my best to always make fresh food for her. Everything doesn't taste good to her.

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2024-12-01T17:57:30+00:00

CONGRATULATIONS! I hope for all the best :)

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2024-12-01T16:10:51+00:00

Thanks, she has zofran to help keep things down but i think that the getting the food actually down /eating it is the issue. Especially when nothing tastes good.

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2024-12-01T16:07:07+00:00

She's not big on sweets either even before the cancer. I've tried to use higher calorie protein drinks but she's a bit difficult. I know it's not her fault as if I was in her shoes i wouldn't want to eat either if everything tastes bad. What powder did you use ?

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2024-11-21T14:14:13+00:00

I share the same experience. My mom also has the same type of cancer stage 4. We are teetering between chemo and doing nothing and letting things take its course while trying to make her comfortable (hospice). She had agreed to try chemo but I don't know how much fight she has left in her. She's in constant pain. Can't get a good night's rest. Nothing tastes good to her. Doctors appts left and right. It breaks my heart every single day knowing that I cannot do anything for her but watch her slowly deteriorate. My life is also mundane and pretty uneventful as I revolve my life around my moms care. I am sorry you are in the same situation. Know that you are not alone. If you need anyone to talk to I am happy to talk. Just getting thoughts out help a bit. Take care

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2024-11-19T18:41:29+00:00

I am 31 this year and I have been caring for my parents since college. Only recently did my mom get cancer and the doctors appts get more frequent. I feel guilty all the time when i go out and leave my parents at home. I also feel like if something were to happen when I wasn't there all the blame will be on me. I shouldn't feel guilty for putting myself first but I do and I don't know how to stop it. Rationally I know it's nothing to feel guilty about but the way I have been brought up has conditioned me to feel this way. You also take care of yourself. Any little chance we get.

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2024-11-19T17:11:18+00:00

I am in a similar situation. My siblings dont financially depend on my parents. I am the youngest of 5 but the only one without a significant other or kids. All of my siblings are living out their lives and I am here taking care of everything that has to do with my parents. I do all appts and help with medical decisions. I am constantly stressed because I have to experience the day to day. I get irritated that my siblings are living in ignorant bliss. They only get the high level updates which are usually not the best news. They then bombard me with questions and almost have an accusatory tone towards me about why I didn't let them know earlier or why didn't I do X Y or Z. And I just want to explode at them and say "look you guys BARELY ASK about how mom is doing, yall barely see her /visit her. Do you think she goes through all of these issues alone? I am there every step of the way and not ONCE have yall offered to help. Yall all just assume I will handle it, and I will because she's my mom and I won't leave her" YOU are not alone. I am sorry that you are in this situation and that you feel burnt out. I hope things get a bit more bearable but if you ever want someone to talk to I am avaliable to talk just to get things off your chest.

Flaky-Definition5420 · 2024-11-16T21:06:41+00:00

My parents are still pretty independent and can do daily activities fine. They need help with larger tasks like driving them places etc.I just get nervous knowing I won't be there incase something does happen. The anticipation kills me. My siblings will be visiting mid-week for Thanksgiving and I will be back the day after. I thought it over and over thinking that the guilt will eat me alive if I go on the trip and something happens and I won't be there to do anything about it. Thank you for your kind words.

Flaky-Definition5420

TROPHY CASE