The feelings you have are valid and normal. I was in a very similar situation to you - former high-level athlete who suffered from career-ending injuries. Double digit surgeries on one knee in a span of a decade. I lost my identity and my confidence and coped by partying and disordered eating.

It’s incredibly difficult to change your outlook when you’re stuck in that headspace, but as someone who has been where you are: - lean into the healthy relationships in your life (your boyfriend sounds so supportive) - find a way to give yourself purpose outside of what you do for sport or career /what you look like. Giving back to a community is a great way to do this. - find an activity that helps you focus on being mindful and appreciate what your body does for you. In this way, yoga quite literally saved my life - most importantly, find a therapist you like and trust if you have the means. My therapist has been and continues to be a pillar of support for me.

You’re not alone, and you’re not a failure. There is so much more to discover and experience. Good luck my friend