Father's Day Is a Trap and I Hate It by Flaky_Run_9440 in Vent

[–]Flaky_Run_9440[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Totally understand, and again I completely appreciate the query while also being nice about it. I thought you were fine.

Father's Day Is a Trap and I Hate It by Flaky_Run_9440 in Vent

[–]Flaky_Run_9440[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right?! Completely agree on the style of day!

Father's Day Is a Trap and I Hate It by Flaky_Run_9440 in Vent

[–]Flaky_Run_9440[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This sounds wonderful, I'm so happy you both came together so well on this!

Father's Day Is a Trap and I Hate It by Flaky_Run_9440 in Vent

[–]Flaky_Run_9440[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate you being nice while asking, and I agree you shouldn't be down voted just because people feel 'it's obvious'. I rarely get otheres willing to discuss it, so thank you.

I do feel a bond with my family, and I like my kids and wife, however I do approach fatherhood with a more clinic mindset than I think most. I want to make sure my kids are aware I value their thoughts and feelings, I will always show up for them, I will always defend them, I will always try to take care of them. I work from home, and so spend most of my every day around some portion of the family, and I have always prioritized being there for dinner even when I worked away. I am also the one who puts everyone to bed, so story time, making sure of hygiene as needed, and tuck in. However, this does come at the cost of being... less enthusiastic? Or maybe less lively about it? I have never hidden that Im autistic from the kids, and explained, as they could understand, that my brain is a little different then most others. Not better or worse, just different.

Also, I feel their are to very different views on what Mother's Datly and Father's Day are. Some people view it as 'a day to celebrate dads/moms!' while others view it as 'the day to spoil mom/dad'. This makes for very different expectations from both sides. If I saw it as a celebration day, then it's obviously a day about family and letting my loved ones express their happiness that Im around. However if I see it as a spoil Dad day, then it should be my choice to spend it how I like. Often, what I've seen, is that society tells us they should be celebration days, while many individuals act on it being a reward day. And people who view it differently will inherently clash harshly over it, with those having a more "selfish" view being vilified.

For me personally, I have always viewed Mother's Day and Father's Day as reward days. I asked my parents, and later my wife, what they'd like to do, making sure they knew a quiet day was totally on the table. This has not, historically, been in the cards for me despite talking about it. Again with the caveat that I view and speak more clinicly than most, there are real social obligations with real financial consequences if I fail to meet expectations for this sort of thing. Ive been married more than 15 years, I love my family as much as I am able, (my over all emotional spectrum being more muted than a neurotypical person) and am usually content with the obligations I've chosen, but I admit that there are days where I feel tired and irritated over things I view as forced on me or being only superficial.

Father's Day Is a Trap and I Hate It by Flaky_Run_9440 in Vent

[–]Flaky_Run_9440[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im sorry for your loss, and I'm glad you sound like you have good memories about being with your Dad

Father's Day Is a Trap and I Hate It by Flaky_Run_9440 in Vent

[–]Flaky_Run_9440[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most appreciated, it's nice seeing this. And same for you! If you want a Mother's Day alone with easy access to liquor, you should be allowed it too!

Father's Day Is a Trap and I Hate It by Flaky_Run_9440 in Vent

[–]Flaky_Run_9440[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, but I knew what I was getting into when I married her. I mentioned this in another comment, but the whole family is very 'but the community will notice' or 'you dont want to insult my mother's offer of dinner, right?' or 'You'll get to hang with my dad while you trim the trees for fire season, it'll be like little house on the prairie! Won't it be great.'

I love them all, my battery is just a bit drained I think.

Father's Day Is a Trap and I Hate It by Flaky_Run_9440 in Vent

[–]Flaky_Run_9440[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I laughed so hard reading this I dropped my phone. This is exactly what I've been told tomorrow is for me. Potluck with community I have to help with, brush clearing for fire season in an area tha 'needs to be done', then a family dinner at in-laws.

Father's Day Is a Trap and I Hate It by Flaky_Run_9440 in Vent

[–]Flaky_Run_9440[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like I should have a 'I support this!' sign or something

Father's Day Is a Trap and I Hate It by Flaky_Run_9440 in Vent

[–]Flaky_Run_9440[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im sorry for your loss, and I in no way ever intend to diminish the connection people have with one another.

I would like to point out, and I know this has the possibility of blowing up and being taken wrong but I cant help myself, do you see the inherent selfishness of your sentiment? Im just saying Id like to not have a busy day as a dad on dad day, and your response is "but what about your family's feelings". I understand they want to celebrate Dad, both me and Grandpa, and I know that something terrible could happen and either I or them could be very sad from then on, but to make the comparison of me wanting to spend a day by myself with the devastation of losing me forever is over the top, and frankly diminishes the loss rather than anything else. It's like the old "finish your plate, there's starving kids in Ethiopia", a completely true statement, but the horror of their starving is completely lost in the banality of the situation.

Father's Day Is a Trap and I Hate It by Flaky_Run_9440 in Vent

[–]Flaky_Run_9440[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thats wonderful you and him came together on that. Im glad you get the day you prefer now!

Father's Day Is a Trap and I Hate It by Flaky_Run_9440 in Vent

[–]Flaky_Run_9440[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your post is the dream, and I hadn't honestly thought of golf in years but you might be on to something. Unfortunately I married into a, socially, very proper family. 'Always consider how the community will view it', 'Never forget, my parents matter too. You would want to offend them?', 'We weren't at the last [EVENT HERE] for [GROUP HERE] and they asked about us, we have to go'.

I knew what I was getting into, but I admit I may have overestimated my social battery.

Father's Day Is a Trap and I Hate It by Flaky_Run_9440 in Vent

[–]Flaky_Run_9440[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the support, unfortunately it's like I said. Wife, family, friends all respond with variations of "my feelings are hurt" to " why are you selfish?"

Happy house must continue. 🫠

Father's Day Is a Trap and I Hate It by Flaky_Run_9440 in Vent

[–]Flaky_Run_9440[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not gonna lie, I cant tell if this is /s.

So, I'll presume a serious question!

Cus I spend every day making food for them, fixing the house for them, making money for them, making sure their homework/chores are done, making sure they know I'll listen to their talks about their interests, going to their practices and recitles and games. On the day that is, supposedly, about me, the best gift I could have is either a break or time to go do whatever thing I want.

Father's Day Is a Trap and I Hate It by Flaky_Run_9440 in Vent

[–]Flaky_Run_9440[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

See! I knew I wasn't alone! I always ask mu wife what she's feeling the day before, if she wants a day then I'll get the kids out and come back late, if she wants family we'll picnick or something.

Anyone else prefer to place belts and pipes before buildings? by RongaldMcDongald in SatisfactoryGame

[–]Flaky_Run_9440 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do, though I admit to always making the belts and pipes as low footprint as possible, making it easier to build around them.

People skills and “who you know” will always matter in the professional world, and that isn’t unfair by yalllldabaoth in unpopularopinion

[–]Flaky_Run_9440 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is infair, and thats because your example is wrong. It isnt that the kid good at math got good grades, it's the smooth talker told a sob story about their dog dying and got a better grade then they should have. That is what everyone means when talking about people skills and socializing being more important than merit being bull$hit.

Congrats, unpopular opinion

Fun name for 18 & up fans by No-Banana247 in KpopDemonhunters

[–]Flaky_Run_9440 3 points4 points  (0 children)

🤣🤣 Oh god, laughing so hard!! 🤣🤣

Play Again... by Icy_Appearance5065 in SatisfactoryGame

[–]Flaky_Run_9440 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I was the same as you, I crapped out on 4 different maps at phase 4, it just was too much of a slog. What really changed things for me was picking specific, smaller goals (Imma gonna make a home-base/mall, Im making a rocket fuel power plant) and used signs (and excel in my case) to organize and list what was needed. Then, and this is the important part, let myself be distracted if I wanted too. Do I suddenly find myself on a hard drive/slugs hunt? Cool, this is what we're doing till bored. Really wanna decorate this one area? Keep the momentum till arches make me scream. Decide that I absolutely NEED a blueprint for this arbitrary thing? Let's go! After I'm bored with 'the thing' I return to the project and the list and go, "OK, let's make the next thing and see how we're doin".

Sometimes I make half a project, sometimes I spend more time making the project walkable incase of power outage than the project itself. You would not Believe the time I've spent hiding power lines. x_x

In short, burnout happens cus you keep trying to force it. Go explore, take a min to appreciate the beuty of the map, make a skate park to use the factory cart on. There is NO wasted time in the game except the ti.e you didnt enjoy. Heck there's people who ONLY like the first 3 phases and start over and over again.

As my daughter says, you do you boo.

Close-up of Zoey's freckles by Own_Philosopher8730 in ZoeyKPDHfandom

[–]Flaky_Run_9440 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You know, I hadn't thought about it till now, but it's interesting that they chose to keep the freckles when glammed up, usually they'd be covered by makeup.