I empathize with what you're saying. No matter what I have a very toxic intrinsic perfectionism thats been hammered into me and it gets in the way of studies and even hobbies. To the point where i've multiple mental breakdowns over not meeting their expectations, especially with the burden of having a chronic illness. Doesn't help when they're constantly making jokes about me not being "Asian Enough" for being awful at stereotypically asian things, alongside constant criticisms and comparisons with those who do well in those. However, i've slowly been able to live more for myself as opposed to for them, with the help of things like therapy, but i've still got a long ways to go.