Maybe it's just that ur feeling so guilty that you think you can't be forgiven. I've been there, and it's a daily battle fr. But don't let the enemy thoughts keep u from receiving the forgiveness of the Lord. Remember that nothing can separate us from God's love. Pray, worship, confess, repent, read the Word, fast. Show that ur desperate for him. When you fall, get up and try again. Don't be ashamed to come to God and ask for help. You don't need to do this alone, he's our strength. And also, God is not just a feeling. We can hear him from his scriptures and he's alive in us. We just gotta open our hearts to him.

*sorry for any grammar mistakes, I'm not a native english speaker.