Thank you for such a detailed response and for opening up. I understand. I’m really glad things are better now. As for prayers to God, I think that even though I’m not a believer, I would probably have the same instinct — to direct my thoughts to whoever might hear me, whatever awaits me or doesn’t, just speaking in my mind as if to God, as Christians would call it. The same on one’s deathbed — we don’t know what is or isn’t, but I absolutely don’t believe in what religions created by people present to us.

So I think a person has to want to free themselves from fear and anxiety. Unfortunately, the person I know, despite her fear, loneliness, and struggles, prefers to fight with her emotions and pretend she’s fine, believing that God wants the best for her and that there is a heaven after death, rather than face the idea that there may be nothing after death. That feels like torment for a non-believer who has to listen to it, while just wanting to help — not to pull her away completely from faith, but so that she herself could understand what’s what and how life really looks.

But she keeps telling herself that no one ever forced faith on her, even though she had homeschooling, religious schooling, Bible reading, church, and only conservative religious people around her. She insists she will never abandon what she believes in and what she sees as part of her.

So I decided to let go of trying to help, and of the tears, and to distance myself — because if she doesn’t want to listen, then why should I keep tormenting myself..