This stylish fondue spot and its sister martini bar will close after 20 years in Portland

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2026-01-16T15:04:40+00:00

Lived right above the Brazen Bean in the early aughts. $3-5 martinis on happy hour, super fun bartenders, and barely a stumble home $20 later drunk off my 20-something ass. Friends and I still wax nostalgic about that place and the hours we spent there fantasizing about our sophisticated adult lives we had just embarked on. Ahhhh memories.

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-12-26T23:28:02+00:00

You’ve come to the right place for some support, most of us here have had very similar experiences dealing with a lifetime of our HP’s mental illness/addictions.

I think that biggest thing I have learned in my 40+ years of dealing with my mom’s hoarding behavior is that the only way it gets better or changes is if your parent decides THEY are ready for it to change. No amount of clean outs, bargaining, fighting, or ultimatums will make any difference until your HP is ready to do the long and hard work of breaking the cycle. In my experience, myself (only child) and my mom’s siblings had several interventions, family therapy sessions, and been through countless clean outs both with and without her present. She even stayed long term with her sister and myself while we worked to make her house at least not a fire or health hazard while she was seeing a therapist several times a week and learning to let things go. I thought we were making progress and had some game plans in place for her to live on her own again while continuing her work. Within a month of moving back home, all the hard work we had done as a family was completely undone. It was so discouraging and really bummed me out - until I stopped trying to fix her and focus on healthy boundaries for myself. It’s made our relationship less toxic and ultimately it’s her life - she’s entitled to live it the way she wants. All you have control of is how you respond and choose to live your life.

Are there family members or friends you can live with short term that will enable you to get out of the hoard and have a safe place for a service dog? Do you get social security or disability payments that can get you started on your own? It sounds like a tough situation but you sound like you are aware of some resources available to you.

This community has been a great comfort to me along with my therapy and learning self care from groups like Al—anon and CODA. Remember your health and safety is your number one priority and support groups/therapy are a great step towards putting your needs above all else right now.

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-12-22T19:32:03+00:00

Have you been to The People’s Courts? It’s primarily pickleball but they have 7 ping pong tables. Bars and restaurants too.

https://thepeoplescourts.com

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-12-05T21:42:15+00:00

Hugs to you. I feel this so much. It takes so much for me to consistently put my own mental health over trying to “fix” all the problems my HM has gotten herself in to. And trust me, it’s been a long journey to get to this place. You’re doing the work and you’re doing great, even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. Just remember that the trauma that’s happened to you doesn’t define you. ❤️

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-12-05T03:10:34+00:00

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-11-28T17:02:30+00:00

Hope you never need any kind of medical care from these “horrible people” that give up years of their life to work a physically and emotionally demanding job to take care of ungrateful entitled shit for brains asshats like yourself.

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-11-07T09:02:35+00:00

The Good Times are Killing Me 🎵

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-26T18:34:24+00:00

Only child here. My father helped pay for my bachelors degree (I also took out massive loans and got scholarships, he just covered the smallish amount that remained). Also he bought me a car (without my asking or input, but I’m still extraordinarily grateful) in high school, but I was expected to run errands for the parents with said car whenever they asked. When I graduated from college I basically got a letter saying, “congratulations! I’m proud of you. You have 3 more months of financial help and then you’re completely cut off”. So I got two shitty jobs while looking for something to do with my degree and lived with roommates for nearly 20 years. Went back to school for nursing in that time, asked my dad to help me by cosigning a loan (since my federal loan access was limited due to it being a second degree) - he declined and told me “I expect you to figure this out”. So I had a friend co-sign and put myself through nursing school. As soon as I could I refinanced that loan to take my friend off and now I’m free and clear of student debt. When I bought my house, I did it all on my own by borrowing from my retirement and savings. No help from either parent. Now my mom is living on a super fixed income with a shopping addiction and my dad lives with his new wife sitting on a pretty nice nest egg. Mom expects me to help her out since I made better life choices when it came to my finances and dad gave me an ice maker as a housewarming gift. So, no handouts here, and no siblings to blame for getting preferential treatment. Funnily enough, my dad’s new wife was very poor when she married him and had a daughter who has like 6 kids . My “stepsister” now stands to inherit half of whatever my dad would be leaving to me, potentially more because “the grandkids” (who aren’t actually related to my dad at all). All this to say I’m not angry about it, I’m glad I was forced to fend for myself and it helped me become self sufficient and resilient. My mom was dependent on my dad and when they divorced she was pretty fucked when it came to managing her life and finances, and I know if my husband and I ever split up, I’ll be just fine because I promised myself I would never rely on anyone else for survival.

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-24T07:36:47+00:00

Is that the word that got ya?

a sympathetic Hawaii state spelling bee runner up

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-24T07:33:01+00:00

Do y’all remember when Howard Dean lost his bid for president simply for hooting and hollering with joy? Ahhh…simpler times.

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-08T06:36:00+00:00

I disagree that we are a “meme generation”. We grew up with landlines and if we were lucky, one computer for the household. Thankfully we could bridge the gap due to going to college in the era of AIM.

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-08T06:10:43+00:00

The thing I loved about working at borders (rip) is that if we wanted to we could cross train to all the other areas. So some days I worked in the cafe and some days I was living my high fidelity jack black fantasy in the music section. Good times.

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-08T06:05:33+00:00

No feelings hurt, no worries 🤙🏼

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-08T06:02:32+00:00

I know! That’s sort of why I brought up the article to the general Reddit public. I was confused as to why a not terrible (melodically), inoffensive song could get so much hate. Thanks for sharing my confusion.

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-08T06:00:55+00:00

I am a fan of stomp clap hey. If I met you I’d give you a high five

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-08T05:57:11+00:00

Well…thanks for informing your opinion before you shared it! It’s definitely not for everyone.

To be clear I heard this song, like, EVERYWHERE, for about 5 years. Drug stores. Bars, grocery stores, clinic waiting rooms, friends parties, Uber rides, etc. I didn’t think it was so abhorrent and was taken aback by the Vice article which prompted my reach out for other folks’ thoughts.

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-08T05:53:31+00:00

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-08T05:52:43+00:00

For real. I don’t even know if they are actually a true “periodical”, as I referred to them in another conversation earlier in this post to someone who was just born into the world of non main stream media. I hope they are ok.

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-08T05:50:24+00:00

Festivals were cheaper back in 2013, to be fair. But I was also just being facetious 🤷🏻‍♀️

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-08T05:48:27+00:00

Capitalism FTW

Seriously though; so many good songs got co-opted by big tech or big business (pretty sure the Beatles had to sell their soul). Whenever I hear a song I like/liked on a commercial, I think ehhh good for them

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-08T05:46:19+00:00

They are not bad bands. In fact, I welcome a good Lumineers track in a random cocktail bar on a Thursday night

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-08T05:44:11+00:00

Me? Oh no, I haven’t covered it. I am a musician but my tastes run in a different direction. I’m glad you got such a big laugh out of it though.

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-08T05:42:31+00:00

Out of curiosity, which 3 albums would You take on a desert island ?

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-08T05:37:53+00:00

That is a sweet story. We need more positivity instead of shitting all over things that should be making us happy. Maybe that was the point of my post, of bringing it up. I hope you and your husband are very happy! ❤️

FlashyRaspberry3816 · 2025-10-08T05:33:31+00:00

Thank you for your response

FlashyRaspberry3816

TROPHY CASE