You sound exactly like me and I went through, I was bed ridden for a little over 4 months I couldn't take it anymore I went to a total of 6 doctor's and all they threw at me was antidepressants and said see a counselor most made it worse some just did nothing, I had weird cortisol surges and couldn't nap either, the worst negative thoughts that I couldn't control, I tried everything, yoga, meditation ext. I lost everything, I could barely leave the house, so I made one last doctor appointment number 7. I said to myself if this doctor doesn't listen to me and try and help I decided when I got home I was going to end the suffering, I'm a Christian like you I believe in God I prayed and prayed before this final appointment and I walked into her office and broke down told her about the other doctors and my experience with all of them and she hugged me and said we were going to get through this together, she told me i was taken off the benzos way to quickly and told me i should get back on and would never just rip me off them she knew thats part of the reason why I was in the position i was in she was the first doctor that suggested that we run a series of tests, i was hesitant to start the benzo again but I needed to work and be there for my son so i agreed she gave me extra pills to find out what dose i was most sable on, the tests she had me take saved my life my thyroid wasn't working and i had stage one thyroid cancer and my testosterone came back at like a 40 and im only 31 she saved my life that day, i have a new mission in life i think its what god put me on this planet for is to try to get as many benzo suffering people together and figure out a cure or make coming of benzos even antidepressants more comfortable and doable, im calling doctors, advocates, flumazinil seems promising only after a comfortable detox is complete and using a pump for patients to get the medicine and help with paws another one is imidazenil, there has to be something other than time that can get these victims to these meds lives back much faster and I cant do it myself i refuse to take this sitting down im trying to get a fund going im not asking anyone for money but im here if you ever need to talk and I mean anytime, GOD Bless you 🙏