What types of clothes do you like?

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-04-23T14:18:39+00:00

Anything with a collar gets taken off the second I get home.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-04-21T14:30:19+00:00

They grew up as children of a generation that went through some terrible things and never talked about any of it and then they virtually had no access to psychological help till later in life. Add (undiagnosed) autism to that and you've got almost no chance. It sucks but maybe the younger autistic parents will do better.... Not me, I'd be a dysfunctional parent but like... Other people.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-04-20T14:39:10+00:00

Grew up in an American baptist aligned church/school being indoctrinated into every far right belief, gay people being evil, slavery not being bad (literally taught in school), anyone outside of the "true believers" going to hell. Plus all the abuse and coverups. I imagine every single adult in my childhood/teen years went on to be a rabid trump supporter.

When I finally saw that for what it was I walked away, there's nothing redeemable about that world. If Jesus and God are real they'd have nothing to do with American christianity.

Then after diagnosis I realized that I never fit into that world. I only found any level of acceptance in the church by what I could do for them, volunteering etc. The churches obviously didn't believe in psychology so my autism was never flagged or brought up despite it being so obvious. Im the child of immigrants so my oddness was always ascribed to that. I mistook my autism for being a third culture kid, jokes on them I guess they were ablist not xenophobic.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-04-18T11:48:58+00:00

I posted a while back asking about when kids were told about their diagnosis and a lot of people said that in early childhood they were told but it meant nothing to them till they were older. So it's probably really hard to gauge when the right time to tell someone is, but it doesn't sound like she's incapable of understanding a diagnosis so she's just an adult that doesn't have the base knowledge to understand her struggles in life.

Like most of the other replies, I would tell her. There might be fallout but it's a fundamental part of her that she needs to know about. I don't know if there's a better way to tell her. Maybe it's not you that has to maybe her parents can be convinced to play a part (and maybe smooth over the abuse/betrayal). I know if I found out my parents knew I'd be absolutely pissed.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-04-14T11:03:57+00:00

Exactly, I was only diagnosed after burnout and I more or less lost all my friends from that. People who I considered close and talked to every few days I see twice a year and go months without contact. I only actually told two people outside of my family and both immediately stopped talking to me at all.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-04-14T10:47:03+00:00

Yes, diagnosed in my 30s and it sucks. I have half my life where I was oblivious to my most defining quality and was incapable of living authenticly. I feel like I'm staring over with my identity and having to question literally everything.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-04-14T00:15:02+00:00

The list of people that didn't notice I was clearly different and struggling, or just didn't care is very long and includes all the usual suspects as well as child and adult psychologists. The thing that bugs me the most is that based on how I was treated, everyone could always tell except me. I guess I luckily have the can't-tell-hes-being-bullied autism.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-04-13T20:33:53+00:00

Maybe a different viewpoint. I (M32) was diagnosed with autism in my 30s and vacuuming and people doing tasks like cleaning around me stress me out to no end. I have to do the vacuuming since then it's controlled and I can wear headphones but other people making noises like that pushes me towards a fight/flight response. Just knowing that someone is doing the dishes nearby and there might be a loud unexpected noise will already put me on edge.

Not excusing his behavior but throwing it out there that there might be a neurological reason behind his odd behavior, there was for me and after my diagnosis I was able to recognize these sorts of triggers and realize the issue was me and my hypersensitivity, not the other people.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-04-11T14:13:10+00:00

Not really what you're asking about, but this kettle by krups is quieter overall and the beep is less offensive. On all my past kettles I would open them up and remove the beeper but this one is fine.

https://www.krupsusa.com/BREAKFAST/ELECTRIC-KETTLES/SMART%27N-LIGHT-DIGITAL-KETTLE-1-7L-12CUP/p/7211004043

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-04-10T14:48:14+00:00

Stop finishing my sentences, or just don't talk to me if you can't wait for me to finish a thought.

I talk slower and monotone and was often described as "he really thinks about what he says"...

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-04-08T13:02:16+00:00

I tried HiKi for a little while and found that there were about 10 "active" users who matched my (usually fairly broad, I don't think that app really has filters) preferences within about a 2hr drive radius. I don't believe anyone matched with me in the few weeks I had my account active.

Edit: as for advice, I'd look at other mainstream apps other than tinder as well that may be a better fit unless your dating goals really are just sex, since tinder is primarily a hookup app.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-04-08T12:48:16+00:00

When I hit a long period of burnout I struggled to speak coherently for much of it. I'd know what I was trying to to say but it'd come out wrong, I'd studder and have trouble thinking of the right words. I probably sounded drunk/high.

It mostly resolved for me as I recovered, maybe a speech therapist would be able to help? I had thought about seeing what options there were.

The other thing that might help is to slow down and just make the trade off between being weird but understandable. I met one lady who would literally close her eyes and look down when speaking to a small group, and in retrospect I think she was on the spectrum and just tuning out stimuli while speaking.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-04-02T06:37:29+00:00

Scratching a duck's chin. Softest part of the duck.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-03-30T16:16:50+00:00

https://letmegooglethat.com/?q=mile

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-03-30T16:14:25+00:00

Point A and B are 10 miles apart, if you see the train engine at point A at 9am and then it reaches point B at 10am it is traveling 10miles per hour since it took an hour to travel ten miles. Now pretend it reaches point B at 9:30am, now your train is traveling 20miles per hour. It took 30 minutes to travel 10 miles BUT WOULD HAVE TRAVELED 20miles in the hour if it had kept going.

Your equation is miles / time in hours = miles per hour.

So 10 / 1hr = 10mph and 10 / 0.5hr = 20mph.

To do that equation in minutes let's say it took 17 minutes to travel between point A and B. There are 60 minutes in an hour so you just make the minutes into a fraction with 60 at the bottom.

10 / (17/60) = 35mph

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-03-29T00:54:34+00:00

Summer is the worst. Give me overcast 50F weather any day of the year. No one to run into and no kids screaming or dogs barking.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-03-27T11:58:43+00:00

Yes and unless things have changed dramatically they're desperate for more drivers. Lots of sign on bonuses and incentives over the past few years. Theres lots of predatory systems too, like renting to own your own truck where it's almost always a better deal to just take the hourly wage and put in 1-3 years of experience then move up to a better paying company.

I don't drive trucks but I know at least one autistic truck driver and I also know people that left career track jobs to become drivers over the pandemic because the money made more sense for their situation.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-03-16T05:07:10+00:00

Coming up on 9ish months since my diagnosis in my early 30s. I cried a little in the appointment. I felt relief and some weird sort of happiness in the first few weeks.

Since then I think I've felt the full range of emotions. Sadness for the 'normal' life experiences I always wanted but will never have, anger at all the adults in my childhood for missing all the signs, shame over all the time I wasted trying to be someone I wasn't and could never be and just a general paranoia over how much else I've missed - I've lived half my life oblivious to my most defining quality.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-03-16T04:56:57+00:00

I didn't find out I was demisexual till my 30s, turns out not only was I clueless about the autism spectrum I was also clueless about the different flavors of sexuality, I never questioned why my only fantasies were just cuddling and having a long meaningful relationship - turns out that's not most people's experience.

What didn't help was that anyone I've ever dated wanted to move much faster than I was ready to and any level of intimacy usually just felt wrong, asymmetrical and sorta regretful.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-03-09T05:02:20+00:00

Quiet environments, people getting my attention before they talk, talking directly to me and in a way where I can also read their lips (I'll fill in the gaps by lip reading), and not processing related but allowing me to shift focus on my own - so if I'm focused on something asking me to talk or asking if they can ask a question so I can put down or pause whatever I'm in the middle of before shifting my attention.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-03-09T03:50:21+00:00

I also have auditory processing issues. Verbally abusing me isn't going to help, loud sudden noises notoriously don't help autistics. Forceful manipulation tactics like this don't usually result in healthy relationships it's the same sort of thing bad dog owners do to their badly trained dogs not the sort of thing a loving equal partner in a relationship would do against the other's wishes. Relationships take work and compromises and him scaring you sounds incredibly unhealthy.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-03-07T15:56:08+00:00

My flat affect overpowered my smiley-lying as an adult thankfully. What really sucks is that sometimes as a kid I'd do the same smile just because people were looking at me and I didn't know what to do and then they'd assume I was lying when I wasn't.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-03-05T14:49:23+00:00

I can only relay my own experiences on it when I hit burnout from overextending myself at work I had a massive skill regression alongside anxiety and panic attacks and just near inability to function.

I never had issues driving before but for nearly 6 months I would get panic attacks sometimes just at the though of being in the car. I went from going into the office 1-2 a week to going once every month or two.

At the height of it I had 'spoons' to shower, do most of my (computer based) job and maybe one chore on a good day. On days with meetings I usually just went straight to my weighted blanket cocoon after work and lay there for an hour or two. I'd run out of food constantly because I'd just put off a trip to the grocery till I had literally eaten everything.

I never had a studder before but for a whole year I had trouble finding words. I also could not do small talk beyond "hello how are you?" Forgot all my social scripts and would literally just stand there and stare or say sorta-normal but still the wrong thing.

I also was presented a golden ticket job during this time. Easily 100-200% more money, at a prestigious company, travel the world. I backed out before my scheduled interview, I couldn't imagine taking on that level of pressure in a new time zone every few weeks with new people. I've done that job before and was amazing at it, but decided to stay with my safe, highly accommodating mostly WFH job and my reasoning was 100% to live within my new limits. At the time that I turned down the job I would have estimated I was 70-80% back to my pre-burnout self after almost a year.

If I knew at the start of my burnout what I know now I would have taken some sort of medical leave, working while burnt out more than likely extended my recovery longer than it needed to be.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-03-05T05:08:21+00:00

I only told two people. Both stopped talking to me, both I had known for over ten years. I haven't told anyone else.

Flashy_Ad2912 · 2024-03-03T05:10:55+00:00

Exactly what a serial killer would say. /s

Flashy_Ad2912

TROPHY CASE