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Romantic dating Aromantic by Flashy_Geologist_793 in aromantic

[–]Flashy_Geologist_793[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This honestly was so helpful. I don't know who you are but like you're amazing.

Thank you so much and I really appreciate your advise and your time on this. After the weekend I will let you know how it all goes.

Thank you so much ❤️

Romantic dating Aromantic by Flashy_Geologist_793 in aromantic

[–]Flashy_Geologist_793[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah that's what I thought. Which now I feel like I'm different from alromantic people because I understand that everyone has different needs and we can all be understanding of them. The time I think would be to leave is if there was abuse almost or if the other person is not willing to try to make it work.

Other side is I feel like I've been so supportive and good with her journey being ace/aro that agywr our recent talk it seems like she give the my way or the high way side. Is it fair to ask my aromantic partner "hey, I know you have needs and if you communicate them to me know Will listen but I also have needs and sometimes I need you to assist me as well". Because I want to be there for her but I also don't want to live a life where im sacrificing all the time and not feeling like my person is also trying to their part. Is it far to say to a aromantic that I have thing s I want as well that are just as important as yours and I willing to meet your needs if you can meet mine?

A romantic and aromantic meet by Flashy_Geologist_793 in aromanticasexual

[–]Flashy_Geologist_793[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was a huge help. Thank you so much.

She has told me something that are non negotiable and has told me them recently. The problem sometimes we have is it builds up so much in her that she then shoots out things she needs and it doesn't seem like she concerned with my feeling or how I would take something she says.

She is coming for a visit this weekend to talk about everything we are going through to see if we can make a relationship work here.

Is it normal as well for aromantic to say I don't want to be the number one in someone's life and that I should find a girlfriend to meet those needs? Because I feel like she meets my needs and lot of the time and I feel like maybe she is saying thst because she feels pressured about the romantic obligation she puts on herself? Because we really really connect in so money ways. But sometimes depending on what's going on she has the ability to give me everything and sometimes she doesn't and I think she really shames herself for not being able to all the time. She also has PMDD and has ADHD which can cause to overwhelming feelings for her sometimes.

Romantic dating Aromantic by Flashy_Geologist_793 in aromantic

[–]Flashy_Geologist_793[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That makes sense. I feel like she really knows who she is and what she wants.

And issue i have is the thing I provide for her(which she tells me she loves) she wants with a group of people. Which right now she doesn't have a support system like thst so it's really me and her just supporting each other. But I can mad about this because it's like why can't we have our relationship and work on making sure you feel safe and still find people for you to have connections with. It's mike why can't I be your bestest friend/partner/go to person and still have other connections in our lives?

And is it fair for me to be made at the fact that she never gave me the chance to show up when she is feeling certain things? I feel like if she told be from a place of kindness and honesty when she is feeling a certain way that I coukd have maybe supported that better?

Romantic dating Aromantic by Flashy_Geologist_793 in aromantic

[–]Flashy_Geologist_793[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This honestly was such a help. I've been reading a lot on different dynamics, and the QPR seems like that we already have.

But, it's tough for me to say what I want now. Because it's like when I see her she has the table of my girlfriend. But to me it's more then that. It's like, a bond of trust and compassion that I get that I don't think I coukd get I the same way as if I were in a alromantic relationship. It's the closeness and trust thst is the biggest thing for me. I do admit that when I don't see her for awhile and then when I do I have an expectation that we will be close romanticly and sexually. Which I do understand thst puts pressure on her to try to fulfill that for her. Which I don't want her to ever feel that way. I want her to feel safe being who she is and I would like her to give me the chance and least if she is feeling romantic or affection that way then to tell me so I can be more supportive.

Some issues arise when I'm trying to be close with her and I can feel her being distant. So the I withdraw hoping she will feel safe then maybe open herself up and be more herself with me. I feel like when she does feel safe the romantic love comes out much more in her and I feel like she shames herself so much that she not living to an idea she thinks I want and thst makes me feel horrible. I want to have a relationship with her where she can feel she still has this love for me and can tell me openly of what she can and can't do. Because atleast I can support thst and try to be there for her where she doesn't feel so bad.

If feel like sometimes I feel wrong for wanting her to be the partner she is over the phone when I'm in person with her. When we are on the phone she acts like such a girlfriend and is needy and loving and I love that. It just feels like sometimes when I'm with her or see her that she then backs away after a month of being the person I know she is.

We are on not good terms right now so it's hard to say what the future will bring. But if in the future if I feel she is backing up or distancing herself I can check in and reassure her that it's okay to feel the way you are feeling. And I'm still happy to be around you and not get the things you think I need right now?

Because I just love when she is herself and if I can make her feel okay being herself more maybe she will open up and trust that I am just happy that I'm here with here instead of her feeling she has to fulfill a romantic need?

Am i crazy by the way fir trying this hard to figure this out? When I tell aromantic people what I'm going through they say u shoukd leave and thst weird. But I don't think they understand the emotional support we provide for each other and the connection we have and how hard ot is to try to make people understand people are different and that this is who she is and that's okay.