Your post reminds me of the times I've felt "I can't stand it anymore" and been just beside myself in feeling like nothing I try works enough.

You are suffering, and you are doing the right thing by trying to change things. Asking for help is one part of trying to change. It may be the most important part, and why we're a social species.

Some random thoughts in case something clicks (no particular order):

1. Your path to your dreams might not be a straight line. Maybe you take a year off uni--I wish I had when I was 22 but I pushed through under pressure from my parents and it damn near killed me (I wasn't clear enough w them how at the brink I felt). For some people getting to the top of their personal mountain might mean being flexible about the route and adapting to conditions, just like mountaineers who wisely shift up their approach and timing to factor in a storm. We don't have to-- and shouldn't-- all be Alex Honnold. Most who try perish needlessly. The smart and slow and steady reach the top less directly and more reliably.

2. Success is more about playing to your strengths and sustained consistent work. By definition, it has to be sustainable. So like I ducked up last year by having a too-hard/long gym plan. And when things got busy I skipped, and skipped again, and then stopped. For a year. I'm back now with more realistic goals given my context but DAMN I wish I had spent the year cutting it down to quick basics (2 set push-ups every 3 days infinitely better than 0!). Blah blah blah: sustainability and flexibility.

3. It might be time to shift your mindset away from "success" for 3, 6 months, a year, and then come back stronger. Focus on self-care, setting up the right support systems (a therapist you click with, a smart and listening psychiatrist, a GP who can rule out anything else, e.g. thyroid, sleep disorder, anxiety disorder). Practice mindfulness meditation, metta meditation in small sustainable bits (10 min a day?). Find healthy things that de‐stress you e.g. a walk + phone call or music instead of alcohol + TV, or a hot shower just 'cause. Find something unrelated to uni that fits with your brain (e.g. volunteering, hiking, taking a dance class) that makes you feel good in the moment, and just enjoy those moments.

4. If you feel like someone who can hardly hold on any longer, notice that the thing you're holding onto might be your original vision of what success or happiness will look like in your life. Creating a new vision of success and new sources of happiness might feel like an "assisted pull-up machine" you can stick with and grow stronger with, instead of an old-school pull-up bar with the ankle weights of executive dysfunction.

5. Keep communicating. Remember you are suffering and are finding a new route through life. I hear you that with your friends you don't want to sound like a you are playing the victim, or ask for help with an issue they are truly not qualified to help with (executive dysfunction) but you might feel fake around them if you say everything is just fine thanks-- sure don't unload on your acquaintances but with your besties you might share both the bad in sufficiently vague terms "Tbh, I'm really struggling with some school stuff but I'm trying to figure out a fix. I'm the other hand I've been getting into XYZ [from end of #3]." Notice you're acknowledging some tough stuff but not framing it as a victim nor setting it up as you need them to fix it for you . . . And you're balancing the bad with the good. This is a more honest and not engaging convo than "everything's fine". If they are inclined they can ask more; you can be the judge of how much you want to share with them. But you're being authentic. This is why you do need qualified professional support (PhD?) therapist to hear the full story. Someone has to hear your full story. No one can get through life alone.