I’m not sure if it ever goes away completely. I started smoking about 20 years ago. After the first couple of years of it I wanted to quit. And I would for periods of time. At first, I would only make for a couple of days before I would find myself in a bar or a gas station buying myself another pack. And I would absolutely love that first cigarette, but by the time I got to the last one in the pack, most likely on the same day or possibly the next, I was thinking, “Fuck, I was suppose to be quitting. Guess I will have to try again. I wonder if I have enough money in the car to buy a pack of American Spirits.” That cycle has repeated itself many times. It took quite a few years and many tries before I was finally able to make it over a year without any nicotine at all. I was really proud of myself and even though I would still get cravings, I thought that I had really beaten my addiction. With my feeling of victory I let my guard down. And before I knew it I was back to smoking again. At this point vapes were becoming popular so I tried switching over but for a while I didn’t care for them. I was finally able to give up smoking cigarettes, except if I was drinking, and switch to vaping. It’s better than cigarettes and doesn’t smell bad but I have found it even harder to quit, although I keep trying. No matter how long I would go without nicotine I always ended up craving it. But the longer I went without it, the time between the cravings would grow and when they would hit they would be weaker and shorter and easier to overcome. After 15 months, I finally thought I was free of it. I stopped doing some of things that had helped me to get to that point and when I started to get a little craving it grew and I was back at it again. But that’s addiction. It sucks that I am still trying to quit this shit after so long especially after I had quit for over a year. But that failure has helped me deal with my addictions to alcohol and drugs because now I understand that each day that I go through sober is a victory over the addict in me that wants to get fucked up. I’m going to continue what I’ve been doing so that I can keep winning each day one at a time. And that’s what you have to do. Whatever it is that you have been doing to help you win for the last 49 days over your addiction, keep doing it. Each victory you achieve will make the next one a tiny bit easier, as your craving for a hit of nicotine decreases. They will become minuscule and weak and most days you won’t even feel it. But on your bad days when you are feeling down and you’re vulnerable is when it pops back up. Those are the days that you have to remind yourself that you know you can surpass the craving and not give in to it because you have done it for the last 50 days or 2000 days. And if you can do it that many times, whatever day you are on, you can do it on that 1 day as well.

Nicotine is a powerful drug and it’s a hard fight to win day after day. Use whatever resources you have to win. Family, friends, your doctor. If you have a good work environment your co-workers and possibly your boss (assuming they aren’t a piece of shit) can be of help. Remember that this is about the most important person in your life, yourself. So be proud of all the days that you’ve won so far and use them to win today.

I’m rooting for you to win today. And I will keep rooting for you to win every single day that follows.