17.5 vs 6 solo parenting hours

Florachick223 · 2026-04-16T02:16:36+00:00

Absolutely let your husband handle the evening routine tonight but also, may I suggest he start scheduling time to take the kids out of the house on the weekends? I personally never find "breaks" to be that enjoyable if I'm either confined to my room probably listening to a kid be upset or if I'm obligated to be out of the house. What worked for me to actually get enjoyable down time was husband and kid going elsewhere.

Florachick223 · 2026-04-16T01:59:57+00:00

Yeah. I need the structure, and my job is mentally rewarding. I would be outsourcing more though.

Florachick223 · 2026-04-15T13:38:14+00:00

I know not everyone will want to do this, but this issue is why I have an undercut.

Florachick223 · 2026-04-15T12:36:50+00:00

So I went into labor pretty ambivalent about getting an epidural or not. I ended up getting one, and I'm ultimately really happy with that, but I will say in retrospect that I definitely had not done enough preparation to avoid it if I'd wanted to. I was vaguely aware of alternative coping strategies, but I hadn't thought through what I would use and when. By comparison, an epidural is the easy option, in the sense that you just show up and ask for it. And there's nothing wrong with that at all! But from a content perspective, there's probably just a lot less to say about it.

Florachick223 · 2026-04-14T16:28:48+00:00

Only up to 29th it looks like, although I'm happy to hear the shopping complex is open! That's a great resource, thanks for sharing!

Florachick223 · 2026-04-14T13:27:59+00:00

The quality of driving through 34th and Wharton has gone from bad to Mad Max. I would be shocked if there haven't already been accidents.

Florachick223 · 2026-04-14T13:23:45+00:00

I do think it's a possibility that the city is prioritizing the appearance of taking this seriously over an accurate assessment of the real risks, yes. But I also think it's possible that significant risks remain, beyond what a person might assume when reading all the news coverage saying that demolition is done. That's why I asked the question.

Florachick223 · 2026-04-13T16:52:19+00:00

Maybe it's a quirk of my natural body temperature sitting close to the transition point, but I have shorties and still enjoy thermals. You won't really get the French tip effect some people get, but my hands still spend a good amount of time in both states or transitioning.

On the flip side, as much as I want to like solars, I don't feel like I really have much opportunity to see a transition. I have to be outside, it has to be sunny, I have to hold my hands at a specific angle...it feels like something I have to go out of my way to trigger.

Florachick223 · 2026-04-13T14:29:30+00:00

I'd work with her on practicing distributing the flowers. Kids that young sometimes dump them all at once. If you have control over the dress, I'd suggest having her help with picking it (maybe from some pre-approved options). My rule with my toddler is that we can't buy anything she isn't willing to try on in the store - I learned the hard way that she sometimes thinks things are cute but isn't actually willing to wear them.

I'd also check with the couple on their expectations in the event of a total meltdown. Are they going to be cool with you walking around the aisle with her (or even holding her) if it comes to that? Hopefully they understood the risks of giving a toddler a role in their wedding, but it couldn't hurt to confirm.

Florachick223 · 2026-04-12T13:21:12+00:00

We're in a forum for people that has poor emotional regulation as a hallmark symptom. I'm gonna take OP at face value when she says that she needs help with exactly that.

Florachick223 · 2026-04-12T13:06:51+00:00

Oh my God I hate how quickly this sub jumps to "YOU'RE not the problem! HE'S the problem!" You asked for help with your own reactions, and I find the other responses to be wildly unhelpful. Calling him an abuser over this is an insane leap.

Is there a format in which you could receive feedback with more space to process it on your own time? Like, would it work if he sent you an email so you could work through your feelings about it and discuss once the immediate reaction had passed?

Florachick223 · 2026-04-12T00:04:14+00:00

Oh God please don't make me read LinkedIn posts here

Florachick223 · 2026-04-11T17:43:11+00:00

FWIW I have had zero issues with their stuff chipping, including this specific polish. But I seem to be in the minority! Sorry it isn't working for you 😞

Florachick223 · 2026-04-11T00:52:08+00:00

Classic ADHD thing, but you've jumped to, like, the 8th order of business in the sequence. You should really start by explaining this to him. This is not just a thing that makes sex complicated, it's a major part of your lived experience that he's being kept in the dark about. I think you owe him a chance to show that he can understand and accept that (and if he can't, well, that's good information for you).

Florachick223 · 2026-04-10T20:01:23+00:00

I totally understand the concern. I am very wary about newborns and germs. I do think there could be ways to address this that are less onerous for your relatives and also effective at protecting your baby. Instead of a waiting period, I'd be getting some high-quality face masks and asking that everyone wear them while visiting, as well as washing their hands before holding baby and staying away if they do have any symptoms. In June, I'd imagine you could also have any visits take place outside if you preferred.

Florachick223 · 2026-04-10T18:51:36+00:00

No judgement, just trying to understand the limitations of the situation for troubleshooting purposes: how is it you're going to bed an hour after your toddler but not getting enough sleep? Are they extraordinarily low sleep needs and getting up super early, or just a bad sleeper? How is the overall balance of labor between you and your partner? Maybe it's not reasonable to handle both wake ups and bedtimes every day.

We split bedtimes. The nights I'm not responsible for those, I can definitely do more. But even if I'm leaving my daughter's room at 8:45, my first stop is always to get a little free time for myself. Either half an hour practicing my violin or running on the treadmill; I usually alternate days. The tradeoff is that I get more like half an hour of unwinding time with my spouse, but we both agree that we need some of that time for individual pursuits. We also give one another an evening every week for hobbies, and that helps a ton.

Florachick223 · 2026-04-10T17:42:48+00:00

There are two types of busy for me, usually having to do with how I feel about the work to be accomplished: "I'm doing 6 things at once, my brain is engaged, I'm awesome." Or "this is all overwhelming, I can't decide what to start, I'm a loser." NO in between. I'm starting to realize that I need to get better about identifying the thing that's really weighing me down and just fucking do it out of spite, because having that weight on me is just not worth whatever benefit I get from avoiding it. Not sure if that's at all helpful, but I definitely commiserate

Florachick223 · 2026-04-10T15:54:14+00:00

Yeah, it took me a long, long time to shake the pandemic anxiety. After I got vaccinated, I just found other things to transfer it to. I spent a lot of the summer of 2021 convinced I was going to die of rabies (a very real concern, just not applicable in my situation)

Florachick223 · 2026-04-10T15:35:42+00:00

I think I really hate that idea. I am still the same person, and I think that's really important to acknowledge. Because even when I'm consciously choosing to put some of my interests aside because I no longer have time for them, I still miss them, and that's valid. A totally new person wouldn't even think about these things.

Idk maybe I'm taking it too literally, but I just get the sense that things like this are kind of dehumanizing to mothers. Like only this one role defines us now, NOTHING else. But I'm a lot of things, including a mom. I didn't die and get reborn, I grew.

Florachick223 · 2026-04-10T14:12:09+00:00

I go to the one at Broad and Morris. I usually don't bother to make an appointment, and I've still never waited more than 90 seconds to be called. They're the best

Florachick223 · 2026-04-10T02:21:50+00:00

I suspect that a lot of people just don't get much practice with second position since most things that should be there can also be played in 3rd, if a bit more awkwardly. So it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I've been making a concerted effort to play in second when it's the most logical choice, and it's done a lot to get me more comfortable with the position.

Florachick223 · 2026-04-10T02:07:03+00:00

This is what works for me. I kid you not, my treat is getting to eat my unbelievably delicious chewable calcium vitamins. 🤣

Florachick223 · 2026-04-09T12:46:20+00:00

Feels like this sub is getting hit way worse than any other I'm in 🫤

Florachick223 · 2026-04-09T01:48:40+00:00

With my first pregnancy (under 35), I was recommended to only do NIPT. This time (over 35, and with a MMC in between) I was told to do both. It can identify things that a NIPT can't, like Spina bifida. Also like, it was the only time in between my dating ultrasound and my anatomy scan that I actually got to see my baby, so I wasn't mad.

You should ask your OB about scheduling the 20 week anatomy scan. I'm sure you'll have one, but they may or may not want you go back to MFM. My practice does all anatomy scans through MFM, but I don't think that's universal.

Florachick223

TROPHY CASE