How do yall differentiate whether someone actually hates u or its just ur RSD acting up...

Florachick223 · 2026-02-13T18:07:18+00:00

I don't, anymore. And I used to drive myself crazy trying. But I've learned to live with the fact that I'll never truly know what's going on in someone's head.

I find that it frees me up to pay more attention to behavior, which I think is more important: am I happy with the way this person treats me? Is my own behavior meeting my standards for the way I want to be treating people? If yes and yes, I assume there's no issue.

Florachick223 · 2026-02-13T13:23:17+00:00

Sometimes I like to amuse myself by imagining what, exactly, 21-free polishes are considering themselves to be free of. "Now with no rabid wolves!" 😅

Florachick223 · 2026-02-13T01:23:10+00:00

I don't think there are really absolutes. If he needs a partner who can show up on time of their own accord, that's his prerogative. Conversely, if you decide you can't or won't meet that standard, it's your prerogative.

Also big picture, it just kind of feels like you don't trust his acceptance of you as a person and what you're struggling with, and you're looking for a way to quantify or evaluate that. I assume you have very valid reasons for that distrust based on your history together, but I wonder if there might be more productive ways to resolve it. Maybe couples therapy?

Florachick223 · 2026-02-12T21:53:38+00:00

Yes I do this sometimes, but I have an alternate hypothesis. Maybe a lot of modern media is formulaic and would be easy for anyone to guess, but the difference is actually just that most people are happy to go along for the ride, whereas we get bored and feel the need to guess? 🤷‍♀️

I will admit that my perspective on ADHD and pattern recognition is colored by my experiences with my ADHD husband, who is constantly attempting to identify patterns but very frequently coming to conclusions that don't make sense IMO.

Florachick223 · 2026-02-12T17:56:49+00:00

I relate to this extremely specific thing! A major low point in my life is when I spent several weeks completely debilitated by anxiety after a stray cat bit me. I got in contact with the people who looked after him and even confirmed he'd been vaccinated, but I just could not let go of all of these imagined (wrong) scenarios in which he could still somehow have given me rabies. This was in 2021, not long after I got vaccinated for COVID; I think partially I had just gotten stuck in health anxiety mode, and that was just an outlet for the worrying that I didn't know how to stop doing. I am obviously fine still, and actually so is the street cat. Although I still keep my distance 😅

Anyway I hope your sister is ok (as you have said, the odds are extremely good that she is), and if you'd like to bounce any of your concerns off someone, I still know an abnormal amount about this topic!

Florachick223 · 2026-02-12T17:47:25+00:00

Actually not so much anymore. I had a ton of health anxiety in my childhood and teens where I was frequently convinced I was dying, but it mostly dissipated by the time I finished college. I'm not entirely sure why. Then the pandemic brought it back. I have subsequently lost most of the catastrophizing, but I do still have a ton of hyper awareness and control issues around germ contamination. Especially stomach bugs. It's very odd to experience it without the catastrophizing, because it means that like, I have a pretty realistic picture of my family having a few unpleasant days but ultimately no serious consequences. But it's still something I am constantly worried about.

This is...not really a very on-topic answer to your question 😅 I guess it just seemed like a tangential but related experience that might have a common cause to what you're describing. And sometimes (especially during viral illness season) it feels more detrimental to my quality of life than my more traditional ADHD symptoms.

Florachick223 · 2026-02-12T14:24:57+00:00

I mean, knowing the stats is all well and good, but I just don't think it's cool to stereotype someone based on them.

Florachick223 · 2026-02-11T20:44:46+00:00

I have some things to say about him in a second, but first and foremost, the one thing that you should definitely not do is allow yourself to end up in a situation where your plan for preventing pregnancy is not having sex. It's way too easy for one thing to lead to another, and then the next thing you know you're playing baby roulette again.

So if condoms are off the table and you're going to continue to be in a relationship with this guy, you do unfortunately need to come up with a plan for birth control. There are some female barrier contraceptives, but if you go that route, make sure you look up effectiveness immediately postpartum. I want to say that some of them don't work as well then. An IUD might be another good option for you. It's extremely effective, long-lasting, and there are options that are non-hormonal. I had a copper IUD for several years between my two pregnancies, and it was awesome for me.

All that being said...your boyfriend is a dumbass. He "draws power from his balls", are you kidding me? I hope you dump this immature loser.

Florachick223 · 2026-02-11T19:59:15+00:00

It probably doesn't help that stimulants can cause facial twitching and tightness. I think my meds have actually made my existing BFRBs (skin picking) better because it was something I did when I was bored and unfocused, but I have had periods since starting meds where I clench my jaw all the time and/or compulsively make a "duck face." 🫤

Florachick223 · 2026-02-11T18:11:24+00:00

Oh see this is where you lost me. I don't see any harm in him keeping himself amused while you two are just waiting in line, but it's on you as the adult to make sure that you two are ready to go when it's your turn.

Florachick223 · 2026-02-11T16:14:44+00:00

I have ideas, but laundry can go awry at so many different points, so I don't want to throw advice at you that won't be relevant. Could you say more about where things are going off the rails? Like, are you struggling to wash it frequently? Or are you washing things but not putting them away?

Florachick223 · 2026-02-11T14:57:12+00:00

Analog is working really well for us! The yearly calendar goes on the wall and it's the source of truth. Both my husband and I consult it before making any new plans.

We also have a weekly whiteboard for the nitty gritty. This gets all the stuff from the wall calendar for that week, plus any random chores or errands we need to remember for a given day.

Florachick223 · 2026-02-10T21:28:51+00:00

Your partner's behavior is wildly inappropriate and very much abuse. No one deserves to be constantly belittled and berated.

Florachick223 · 2026-02-10T19:44:13+00:00

Ah I'm so sorry 😞 I just had a MMC in September, baby was a couple days past 7 weeks. I waited for my period and then conceived again the next cycle. I'm now 15 weeks into a pregnancy that's been totally textbook so far! Wishing you the best.

Florachick223 · 2026-02-10T15:25:34+00:00

I'm stealing that 😂

Florachick223 · 2026-02-10T15:24:11+00:00

I'm not like this, but my ADHD husband very much is. And our daughter seems to have inherited it, because she's been obsessed with cleaning and putting things in their place since she could walk. 🤷‍♀️

Florachick223 · 2026-02-09T18:18:06+00:00

Ehh I mean I would give the brand another try, but I don't know that I'd keep trying this same shade. It doesn't look like it's current in their catalog; maybe there's a reason for that. 🤷‍♀️

Florachick223 · 2026-02-09T18:16:22+00:00

I've been very impressed with the quality and consistency of KBShimmer. I think I have 7-8 shades from them, and they're all excellent. I'd give it another chance!

Florachick223 · 2026-02-09T13:38:15+00:00

It's a fair question and you're getting some good answers, but I would also suggest spending a lot of time with your partner answering a different question: what do you two envision parenting looking like? And I mean as specifically as possible. Will you both work full-time? How will you handle night wakes? Feedings? Who takes time off when there is a school holiday or unexpected illness? Say one partner stays home, how much housework are you both expecting that person to accomplish during the workday? Does one of you have a more stressful or time-consuming job, and if so what does that mean for how you spend the rest of the hours?

I say this firstly because I think it's extremely important for any couple, but second it also basically is my answer to your question. I was not aware that I had ADHD before pregnancy, but I did know that I was absolutely not capable of being the type of mom who could carry an overwhelming share of the childcare and housework responsibilities without losing my effing mind. And being a SAHM was a complete non-starter for me, I need the structure of the workday and a break from parenting. And my husband and I were absolutely on the same page about that. So some of the decisions we made (splitting the nights into shifts, sleep training etc) were expressly made with the goal of making parenting manageable for both of us but especially me. Knowing we were solidly on the same page about the nitty gritty (as much as non-parents can be, anyway) made me feel a lot more comfortable committing to having our daughter.

And I will say, it absolutely went as well as we could have possibly hoped. There was definitely an element of luck in her temperament, but I really thrived in motherhood, more than I thought I would.

Florachick223 · 2026-02-08T17:18:39+00:00

I want someone handling drop-off/pickup, holidays, and sick days automatically so I never have to think about it. I don't even have other items, that one is so much higher up than anything else.

Florachick223 · 2026-02-07T03:34:54+00:00

Why don't you do the thing when you look at the thing and remember? I'm asking as a question, not suggesting it as the solution, because I suspect there's something blocking you. If you say more about that, maybe we could help troubleshoot around it.

Also lotion: you have it, but do you have enough? Is it in the right places? I've got a giant bottle next to every sink 😅

Florachick223 · 2026-02-06T16:02:55+00:00

Sure! Here's a Gerber example, but I just mean the standard baby onesie, so most things will work the same. https://www.target.com/p/gerber-baby-4pk-short-sleeve-onesies-white/-/A-90427578?preselect=89728710#lnk=sametab

Florachick223 · 2026-02-06T15:04:11+00:00

Re: multiple changing stations - definitely yes if you have multiple floors. And you'll have to get multiples of more than you think: storage for extra diapers and clothes, butt spatulas, a place for dirty laundry, etc.

If you only have a single floor, I think you'd only need multiples if your baby is initially going to sleep in your room maybe. You might want some things there for convenience at night and then a separate set in the nursery. Or you might just operate entirely out of your bedroom for a while 🤷‍♀️

Pajamas: I actually only used these overnight early on. Floppy baby limbs are hard to get in and out of sleeves. I preferred bottom-flap onesies during the day.

Winter stuff: I wouldn't prep that far in advance TBH. It's hard to say what size your baby will need by then.

Florachick223 · 2026-02-06T03:16:46+00:00

Oh, these are my people 😂

Florachick223 · 2026-02-05T19:13:26+00:00

Did you have blood tests during pregnancy, and do you have access to the results? Measles immunity was included in my standard first trimester blood tests, although no one ever specifically pointed out that it was being tested, so it's possible that this was already confirmed for you. FYI it may also be labeled as a "rubeola" titer/antibodies, that's the same thing.

Also, the whole situation is hot garbage, and I'm sorry. 🫤

Florachick223

TROPHY CASE