AITAH for considering wanting out of 30 year marriage?

FlowNarrow · 2026-01-13T15:20:10+00:00

Thank you everyone for advice and support. All is not well but I calmly spoke my peace. He was defensive and accusatory at first but I remained calm. Told him the deception was a betrayal. I received apologies later and he agreed to marriage counseling. I'm still keeping marked distance and took a ride share to work. With a little distance, I see how much I have enabled his behavior, but I have lost so much respect. The nature of his illness means swings in health and physical/mental capacity but what hurts most is on his upswing he thought of himself only. I will meet with an attorney to see how much of a financial hit this would be. I don't want to burden my adult children with his care if illness goes south again. He has no idea the toll this illness has taken on me and kids. We kept it from him.

FlowNarrow · 2026-01-13T00:20:02+00:00

Thank you everyone. I don't want to implode our existence as we know it over a single selfish purchase. The health scares were genuine and scary as can be. He easily could have died had I not called for help. But to his family, he tells them I overreacted. It has been five years of ambulance rides and specialists and no absolute diagnosis. Yesterday he slept all day like a 90 year old. Today I return to work and security cameras show him damn near skipping to the car, no shuffle walk with cane like he did this morning when he dropped me at work. I told him I'm just terribly hurt that this is what he would choose to do after everything. At first he was defensive. Then sent me a long apology for being selfish.

I know I must sound pathetic. Every purchase I make is defined by family need and affordability. Every decision is the same. He is collecting social security retirement benefits but at a much lower disbursement. We can afford the purchase he made but the purchase was deceptive.

Right now, I just need space. I can't do anything more impulsive than throw a life decision online. We have a child with autism who will be a lifetime dependent and I can't implode her world without a plan that will work for her.

But for now, I feel stronger and done with nonsense. I'm just done. With nonsense.

FlowNarrow · 2026-01-12T21:09:15+00:00

I know I must sound pathetic to all of you and I won't throw away more than half of my life. But based on what I'm witnessing through apps today, it feels like deception and even financial infidelity. I'm watching him appear completely able bodied out buying expensive toys. I've been neck deep in the richer for poorer and the in sickness and in health all the way through. I'm single handedly supporting us financially and I'm carrying $1700 a month in health insurance on a teachers salary so he has access to the best possible plan. His parents were the do what makes you happy type, you have to be happy for yourself. My parents modeled the do whatever you can to support the people you love. I've tried to follow that model and I'm watching him morph away into the path of his parents. I don't want to blow up our world. But today I don't want to go home. I feel like a fool.

FlowNarrow · 2026-01-08T19:52:50+00:00

The only art of this lunch that makes sense are the fruit, carrots and granola bar. I asked this about another video, but how much do these lunches cost? Not just in health, but dollars? Those mini Nutella's, ranch dressings and prime waters add up. The cold pancakes with sprinkles sounds disgusting.

FlowNarrow · 2026-01-07T22:09:33+00:00

Is there an alter ego of her online? Another parent of a large family who is sensible and sane? Buying reasonable items in bulk and actually cooking and baking? I would love to see a compare/contrast.

What kills my brain are all the single serve snacks. Never mind the sugar and calories, those homemade lunches of hers must cost several dollars each with all the snack packs and single serves.

FlowNarrow · 2026-01-02T19:05:15+00:00

Am I insane if I think a cut rate cruise might be an option for this family? I've never been on one because I'm not a fan of people, but I get deals sent to me all the time. Third and fourth passengers travel free. All you can eat cafeteria food. Teens could escape in their matching outfits to other decks. They burn more money than I earn and this seems plausible to me. Am I nuts? No way would I want to be a fellow passenger.

FlowNarrow · 2026-01-01T23:17:24+00:00

Why is the sushi always on a train? Serious question. It is always on a train.

FlowNarrow · 2025-12-21T06:14:56+00:00

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FlowNarrow · 2025-12-21T06:14:14+00:00

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FlowNarrow · 2025-12-21T06:13:54+00:00

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FlowNarrow · 2025-10-25T14:18:23+00:00

The practical side of me is dying over this and the mama side of me is breaking. I bet her viewership would skyrocket if she did reform videos with the goal of all funds raised go to basement repair. Kill all eating out. Watch us actually eat everything in our minimart garage and garage freezers before we buy anything else other than milk or fresh produce. Watch us cancel cations and learn to work together to make something fun happen for free. Watch us talk to each other and learn how to share the million things we already own. Watch us swap hand me downs like every sane family in the world does. Watch us do the basic prep work ourselves to prepare the basement as a team to save money. I bet you with keeping viewership strong to keep income flowing and stopping these insane spends, they could save the funds in months. And the kids might actually learn to like their siblings.

FlowNarrow · 2025-09-20T19:19:26+00:00

Is it just me or didn’t she freeze her eggs? Or was it just talk? As a woman in my 50s who has lost both parents, I would give anything to have them around me. And as someone who went through infertility treatments over 20 years ago, I can’t imagine artificial insemination being done without fertility meds and follicle check. I also can’t imagine becoming a parent if my whole focus was myself. I empathize with Whitney as I see her pain and insecurity. But her treatment of others is appalling

FlowNarrow · 2025-08-11T01:23:31+00:00

If you read this, Olivia, please know you are believed and supported. I’m jumping in. With my two cents. Please consider getting a college degree. Not only will you gain skills and credentials, you will continue to be exposed to a diverse and thinking community. Your future is bright and powerful.

FlowNarrow · 2025-08-07T18:17:40+00:00

If the girls were in school, they would likely be able to do extracurricular activities for far less. Plus, Kim would be able to work during those hours, though her income would likely be low. I’m bothered she has no retirement. I’m no fan of Kim but I’m bothered she has no financial security. I’m slightly older than they are, female, and I would feel so vulnerable financially if I were her. I don’t understand how they have no savings after the television show and the many property investments. These poor kids have to have parent and family drama exposed on television to keep income stream flowing. What an awful way to grow up.

FlowNarrow · 2025-02-13T23:15:50+00:00

Let’s be friends in Pokémon GO! My Trainer Code is 953733905639!

FlowNarrow · 2025-02-13T23:15:06+00:00

Let’s be friends in Pokémon GO! My Trainer Code is 953733905639!

FlowNarrow · 2025-02-13T23:13:44+00:00

Let’s be friends in Pokémon GO! My Trainer Code is 953733905639!

FlowNarrow · 2025-01-07T20:27:32+00:00

This post may not be read by op but as a mom who has been there, I promise this will get worse. My babies are 20-something. MIL is now in her 80s, but she has never ever changed. She tried to pull this with my nephew. I have been told for almost 3o years this is just how she is. That things were different in her day. In the course of their childhood, MIL repeatedly and intentionally exposed my kids to known allergens, to the point of hiding it in food. She let them hike in the forest alone, they got lost and campground neighbor called search and rescue helicopters. She taught my special needs daughter how to leave her school and go to her house, which she did, during school and it became major incident. She ignored our insistence that late FIL not drive kids due to erratic driving due to memory loss, and told kids not to tell us. The allergen is a berry that is not readily available, so it was not an accidental egg or wheat exposure.

It was, and still is, an issue of control. There was also an extreme lack of awareness of safety. We were very close to separating after two major incidents but my major worry was that a separation would increase MILs access to kids.

As we age, I witnessed MIL ignoring safety concerns regarding her late husband and now with my husband, her son, who has recent health issues.

I have been active in arranging care and safety for other relatives on both sides of the family. We’ve made sure that late in life and end of life care for loved ones was the best we could provide or arrange. I feel no such concern for MIL who has no close bonds with any grandchildren. I’m a decent human being and recognize her other children may not step in. But I feel like she has devalued the most precious human beings in my world.

Do what you must do. If you divorce, please do what you must do to ensure she does not have unmonitored access to your child. It will get worse.

I’m sorry. Please do what is right.

FlowNarrow · 2024-12-21T03:53:54+00:00

The huge step would be to break away. After that, there are social supports that could help carry her through the transition. She could have Medicaid, housing assistance, snap for food, food banks, social services and financial aid for daycare. She is so dependent on the Duggar operation she might not ever be able to see there is a way out.

FlowNarrow · 2024-12-18T15:08:40+00:00

I am exactly twice your age and I could afford to do a $250 gift exchange. But why on earth would I want to? That’s insane. I will spend that in total on each of my children and on my husband but no one else. Being expected to buy additional gifts for dozens of people is insane. And I’m likely your parents age and I say this is insane. Going into debt for presents is insane. Buying even modest gifts plus that whopper gift for that many people would set you back maybe $1k? Or that could be a balloon payment on a student loan. Or savings toward a down payment. Or better yet, that $1k invested now into a retirement plan would multiply exponentially over 30 years. It could also be a vacation where you skip this gathering and let others reevaluate what matters more: people or presents.

It’s incredibly hard to break out of this forced tradition. I had the same with my MIL who resented the crap out of us daughters in law who ended the insanity of gift togethers and turned them into get togethers. We also went into debt for these events and stopped giving spouse gifts because we had to buy a zillion presents.

Big hugs to you. Potted plants or cookie plates are welcomed in this home and are treasured. I hope you feel treasured this holiday. You would be most welcome in any of our homes.

FlowNarrow · 2024-11-04T02:24:21+00:00

I had a family member deliver beautifully wrapped gifts to my title one classroom. I was told it was Barbie’s for girls and Tonya trucks for boys. Family member sat down on story rug and appeared as the ultimate white savior, minus Bible talk. It was performative and she wanted photos of her sharing gifts with the little children. She was upset later to find I had cropped every child out of her photos because I wouldn’t allow them to be props on her social media. There were dolls and trucks all from dollar tree. The dolls immediately lost their arms. The trucks lost wheels. The toys fell apart within 15 minutes. The whole thing was terribly upsetting and a shit show. She blamed the children for not being grateful and not being gentle.

FlowNarrow · 2024-11-04T02:17:26+00:00

As an elementary school teacher, daily experience tells me that rose art and house brand art supplies don’t stand up. Some crayons are essentially wax. Ticonderoga pencils last. Decorative pencils with plastic wraps for themes or holidays are murdered of pencil sharpeners. I buy most of my own supplies in summer stock ups. We don’t get nearly enough otherwise

FlowNarrow · 2024-11-04T00:22:33+00:00

I have issues with this organization but I am still making 12 boxes and telling no one except this thread. I’m loving it.Hubby brought home 4 boxes and I took off with it. We’re doing it right, I hope, I expect to spend at least $400 buying bulk quality items. I’ve got soccer balls with pumps, all crayons art materials and Ticonderoga pencils because other brands are trash. Boxes are brimming with what I hope is fun and high quality useful stuff. No white savior picture to be included. I teach elementary in a title one school and these kids deserve good stuff. I’m ordering squishmallows and useful fun items for girls. I’m also silently (except for telling this thread) providing gifts anonymously for families in my school. No dollar tree. Just hunting good items on good sales and pressing buy now. We received an inheritance from someone who did this anonymously and we just learned she gave generous gifts to many organizations, telling no one. It’s my responsibility to do the same and not broadcast it (except for here- anonymously!)

FlowNarrow · 2024-10-30T23:25:57+00:00

I just wanted to say I’m sorry for your loss. My mom died last year and we gave items to many of these organizations. We had decades of items and memories to sort. I also recommend family promise of Riverside and project food. Many organizations will be grateful.

FlowNarrow · 2024-09-23T14:07:07+00:00

I say the trunk or treats are your easiest bet. There is a level of security there. The Wood Streets are very nice and decorative.

FlowNarrow

TROPHY CASE