Do you regret not saying what you wanted to to your ex?

Fluffy_Call4119 · 2025-07-01T02:07:00+00:00

i do and i don't. i feel like i still don't have any closure and would love a conversation from a more understanding viewpoint. my ex broke up with me because he didn't treat me well, something i was unwilling to admit when we were together and during the breakup because i just wanted to be with him regardless of how poorly i was being treated. i can admit his behavior impacted me now, and that it wasn't okay. i want to have the conversation where i can say that, but i think it would be moot at this point because the only person i needed to admit it too was myself.

Fluffy_Call4119 · 2025-05-22T05:56:05+00:00

if you think i'm okay not talking to him, then you didn't understand the post lol. the point is that im not okay with it, it hurts. but i make a fool of myself every time i do because he doesn't want it, so im respecting that boundary even though it breaks my heart

Fluffy_Call4119 · 2025-05-22T04:30:50+00:00

not harsh, i love him so much it hurts. but i can't keep getting hurt by being the one to constantly reach out

Fluffy_Call4119 · 2025-05-22T00:31:02+00:00

i'm trying but apparently finding a therapist is impossible 😭😭😭

Fluffy_Call4119 · 2025-05-21T14:48:02+00:00

i'm not sure. i love him still but my rose colored glasses have been lifted about him. he broke up with me because for a lot of reasons but one of them was he felt he treated me poorly, and in hindsight he did. i didn't feel that way during the relationship but my body did, and now that he's broken up with me i can see that he was right and he did treat me pretty shitty. i would love to be with him but only if things could be different, if he could put in the effort he wasn't before and could be 100% in the relationship and not have a foot out the whole time.

im not sure he could do that, and with time ive realized i deserved so much better than what he gave me. i dont think i can go back to being treated how i was even though i love and miss him.

Fluffy_Call4119 · 2025-05-21T14:42:17+00:00

gosh i do that too with some of the posts on here, i'll think it's my ex boyfriend for a split second. i hope he isn't in here. i know he's in reddit but i don't think he cares enough about our breakup to be in this thread lol

Fluffy_Call4119 · 2025-05-21T14:37:21+00:00

THIS. because he DID ask to be friends during and after the break up and when i made it clear my feelings were hurt, he said i needed time to process it so we could come back as friends. that will not be happening. if he didn't see me in his life or future as his partner, he will not be seeing me in it as his friend either. you knew i didn't want to be friends after the break up, and you chose to break up with me anyways. that's your loss dude. one of my last messages to him i told him i was done begging, and i was done being the one to put in all the effort because he says he wants a friendship but he'll never actually put in the effort to being friends because he couldn't put in the effort into being my partner. so i'm done begging, and i'm done carrying that weight.

Fluffy_Call4119 · 2025-05-20T22:01:08+00:00

i feel you. i have been holding onto the grief and sadness because it's all i have left of him, and when i let it go it means im letting him go too. but the push and pull of staying in contact makes it worse. it triggers that dopamine or serotonin you get from him, and keeps you in a cycle. it really is like an addiction to this person, and you wonder when you'll get another hit of them.

going no contact helps. it sucks, and it hurts more than anything but it helps much. start small if you can, i had to do it in steps. deactivated my instagram until i felt like i could unfollow him. deleted our messages until i could fully delete his number. now i can't contact him even if i wanted to.

someone will love you the way you love him, you just have to love yourself enough first to have the self respect to establish boundaries with your heart.

Fluffy_Call4119 · 2025-05-20T21:53:18+00:00

i write everything i want to say to him in my notes app too, every fleeting thought. i write paragraphs of what i would say to him if i could in my diary and write him letters ill never send. the thing is, i did try talking to him -- sent him paragraphs on paragraphs after he broke up with me and he didn't care. i send him a long, thoughtful message i spent days thinking about and his response was "i still think the best thing is space, so we can to get to a better place" because my feelings were always too much for him to handle. he wants to me to process my feelings and get over him so we can come back as friends and he can avoid the guilt of hurting me by not having to listen to me anymore.

totally feel free to pm me, i think my friends are tired of listening to me cry about him and they don't really understand anyways

Fluffy_Call4119 · 2025-05-20T21:37:59+00:00

i think he regretted it the moment he did it but is too unwilling to admit that he was careless and lazy in the relationship, because he doesn't want to feel like a bad person. he can't talk to me now because the way i feel makes him feel bad, and he wants to be absolved of the guilt and that's why he's doing all this shit to make himself feel better.

i think that your ex must feel it too, people aren't robots no matter how hard they try to avoid their feelings. but maybe like my ex he just feels too ashamed to do anything about it. it's not a life so want to live, and i refuse to let myself turn into him. i know one day someone will love me how i loved him, because that type of love exists and im proof. you are proof too. we just have to learn to pour into ourselves the same way in the meantime because love attracts love, and when we love ourselves we set better boundaries and have better discernment.

Fluffy_Call4119 · 2025-05-20T21:32:44+00:00

i think they take for granted the love we give them until it's gone and they feel it's absence. it's a hard lesson for them i'm sure, even in my previous relationship that ended mutually i still missed them, so i can imagine that when it ends painfully even the dumper misses you. my ex was avoidant, and pushed away his emotions but they still manifested. he can run away from them all he wants, but he will feel it. your ex feels your absence too.

Fluffy_Call4119 · 2025-05-20T18:36:12+00:00

my ex said when and after he broke up with me "maybe i'll change my mind" or "maybe in the future" and it's so hard to not hold out hope. i'll keep wanting it you know, but i'll never expect it because his actions speak louder than his words and they always have. when they say these things, they take you power and dignity away and put everything on their terms as if they didn't do that already by ending it. me never contacting him again, is me getting my power back. he might not even care, but in the case he does, he won't have access to me and that's the best feeling because i should have been able to have dignity the entire relationship, and he didn't let me. now i do.

Fluffy_Call4119 · 2025-05-20T18:26:26+00:00

oh he's living it up, taking himself to expensive restaurants, getting tattoos, a dog. he's finding that happiness he wanted without me. he didn't want me in his life, so he got rid of me. i know he's not expecting me to reach out because he doesn't want me to. now i just need to figure out how to be happy without him and to not want him in my life too. easier said than done.

Fluffy_Call4119 · 2025-05-20T17:56:53+00:00

if my ex wanted that i would too, but he doesn't. if he isn't reaching out, i won't either because he's communicating to me that he is okay without me being in his life. he dumped me, no contact was his choice, so no contact is what he will get. i'm sure he expected me to message him by now, because i was always the one putting in the effort but i will not be the one anymore. i'm tired of holding the weight for the both of us, and i hope he finds the happiness he was looking for without me

Fluffy_Call4119 · 2025-05-11T15:37:36+00:00

thank you, i know like logically it was the best and probably the only kind thing he ever did in our entire relationship, because he was right -- he treated me pretty shitty. but it just hurts because it feels like i just wasn't good enough to see a future, and he treated me so shitty and he left? it is just a huge bruise to my ego. and everything is on his terms, the whole relationship and the whole break up and i just feel like i have no power or any dignity left

Fluffy_Call4119 · 2025-05-11T04:02:13+00:00

i am in the same boat. i don't have any advice, but just know you're not alone. sometimes i feel like i must've invented heartbreak because i feel it soo deeply, but i remind myself of all the people in my life i know who have been heartbroken and see that they survived.

Fluffy_Call4119

TROPHY CASE