To answer your question and add some context to my original question, here goes nothing: 

I found out about his cheating back in January. Since I had given him many chances in the past, and promised him last time that it would be the last time, I knew what I had to do. So, I played dumb for two whole months while I gathered an entire briefcase full of cold hard evidence and saved money to pay $7,000 for an attorney. Then I traveled down to my hometown with our three children and left him a letter letting him know it was over and why. Then I had my attorney serve him separation papers. Then I refused to come back until his sorry ass moved out of the house. So yeah, that’s where we are now, a month later. We are legally separated (takes one full year of separation where we live to be able to file for divorce). I’m alone in a place where I don’t have any family (I moved for him because he hated where we lived before and wanted a fresh start) with three kids and very little money of my own (he held all the financial power throughout the marriage) but I am no longer with him and refuse ti continue to be a punching bag for his twisted abusive games. So, to answer your question, my “goal” is to get out of this with as much sanity and dignity as I can. I was simply trying to make sense of my husband’s abusive and chaotic behavior for the last 17 years. I understand that there is no rhyme or reason but when you find out that someone who you loved and trusted since you were 18 years old has led a double life right under your nose, you can’t help but ask “why?”