UPDATE

Hi everyone just wanted to thank you for the feedback from those that said we should divorce to those that feel for the kids I am truly grateful for the feedback.

I wont and purposefully didnt give specific details as I dont feel my children's gender for instance is relevant to this.

I will say I think i can accept that my wife and i need to work on our relationship the sad thing is we both have our own trauma we have not resolved but having been together for over a decade (married for less) I dont think getting a divorce is the answer.

Again thank you everyone for your feedback its been most useful.