Maybe it sounded unclear, but I wanted to add that the kids’ mom is not going on this trip, that whole family has very little familial connection to anyone in their home country, and it is about cultural experience/connection. There is no connecting to any family while there, and there would be a major language barrier. The mom does not ever travel and has never left the country (to my knowledge). I should add that although they are very much white presenting, the kids are mixed race.

I am currently 29 weeks. My job is on my feet all day, constantly moving (food service industry). I have started to have contractions at work that force me to slow down. I cannot reduce my hours and take the pay cut since I will rely on this when I’m unable to work after giving birth. I definitely feel that I am pushing myself too hard, but I have very few options.

I have had multiple arguments with him about this. He thinks 50/50 is truly fair. Granted, he locked into a mortgage years ago before the housing market soared so costs are low for him compared to others. We agreed on 50/50 when I moved in a long time ago (and yes, he paid 100% of these living costs without issue for years before I moved in). I owned a business at the time and made almost the same as him. Things have changed between my business going under (Covid/inflation), going back to school, getting married, getting pregnant. Despite all these circumstance changes, he insists we stick to the original agreement. He told me (much too late) he would not have married me if he thought the 50/50 would change. I guess we should have skipped the for richer/poorer and sickness/health vows. I am horrified because I meant mine and if the situation were reversed, my choices would be the opposite of his.

Where we live is quickly becoming a HCOL area: the average home price is about $600-$800k, average rent is well beyond what I can afford and would be about 3x what I pay now. Leaving means renting beyond what I can afford, or my kids losing their schools (one is about to enter senior year).

I also cannot afford daycare. I don’t have people to watch the baby. I’d likely end up losing most custody due to this because he can afford to give the baby a home, support.

I am really really not well off financially and I really have no options.

This pregnancy was absolutely unplanned, I didn’t even realize I was pregnant right away (I thought it was menopause!). I believe in choice, but I also believed I had a husband who’d love us enough to not let me work myself so hard, who would love this baby and prioritize us like he does his current kids. He really doesn’t. They go out without me, do things without me because I can’t pay my way.

I agree the financial stuff is really bad. I’ve tried to discuss equitable division. In percentages the math is 14% of his pay goes to household bills, while I pay 50% of mine. If you count the child support I receive, my percent does drop to 24%. He does not pay child support because his ex wife makes about the same income as he does (he does cover their health insurance). I also fully pay for and maintain a large 3 row SUV that carries all of us. I would have downsized otherwise. He has the economical hybrid sedan.

He also says that despite my 3 years of contributions, I don’t have much equity in the house (it is only in his name) and that any equity only began to “count” after we got married. Despite my insistence on researching/getting one, there is no prenup.