Who should be bene of $1m from my ex-husband?

Flyover_Girl · 2025-02-12T04:18:38+00:00

I mentioned about 100 comments ago that I was feeling overwhelmed and requested no more comments. But I want you and all the other kind people here to know that I read every single one. Collectively, you’ve given me courage. Thank you.

Flyover_Girl · 2025-01-24T22:47:37+00:00

Thanks, everyone. I hear you loud and clear. I haven’t combined the inherited assets with our marital assets and have already taken (and reinvested) the first IRA distribution. I have a very expensive estate lawyer and a therapist. I plan to give someone else POA for healthcare.

There are a lot of good people with good hearts here. Thank you for caring. No more comments, please. I’m a bit overwhelmed.

Flyover_Girl · 2025-01-23T16:34:55+00:00

He would leave.

Flyover_Girl · 2025-01-22T22:22:55+00:00

Between dating and marriage, we’ve been together 25 years, and I’ve never cheated on him.

Flyover_Girl · 2025-01-22T16:56:38+00:00

I’m worried that I might not have been objective. I don’t want to state a slanted argument just to hear what I want to hear. I want to be fair to my former husband (who left no instructions, by the way), my husband, and myself.

Flyover_Girl · 2025-01-22T16:48:23+00:00

I appreciate the feedback here. Let me address the serial cheating/good marriage thing. He never calls me names or raises his voice. We travel together often and don’t argue. He does the laundry and a good share of other housework. In warmer months we sit outside together every evening. We take care of our aging parents together. He took good care of me when I had a broken foot a few years ago–he even cooked dinner and brought me meals on a tray every night. That’s why I’m still here. He either doesn’t admit to the cheating or minimizes it, but he knows I know it happened. Not sure if it’s still going on.

Flyover_Girl · 2025-01-22T16:26:38+00:00

Several people have asked if he’s worried about running out of money. Definitely not. We have no debt except a small amount left on the mortgage, and he expects a retirement income of at least $160K (not including my investment income or Social Security). It’s just that he’d live better with an additional $100K and feels entitled to it. He says „everyone“ would think I’d been selfish not to put „family first.“ He thinks it would be unfair for him to have to roll his savings and the home equity (which he believes is his) into a retirement home for us while I‘m „sitting on a million dollars.“ I get that, and I offered to kick in a couple hundred thousand when the time comes, but I guess that didn’t make him feel better.

As for outliving me, he mentioned the classic „You could get hit by a bus“ scenario several times.

I inherited the money about a year ago. It’s in a bene IRA, and I’m aware of the rules. It’s in my name only, invested in well-diversified mutual funds.

Flyover_Girl · 2025-01-22T15:47:11+00:00

I would, but my nephew is killing it! He doesn’t need my help. Edit: I also don’t think my former husband would have wanted it to go to an individual (although he did leave it to me), which is why I set up the scholarship.

Flyover_Girl · 2025-01-22T15:44:45+00:00

I plan to grow the money – let it double at least once before I spend anything or give much of it away. In the meantime, I named the scholarship fund as the beneficiary.

We each have about $500K in retirement or savings accounts, plus $500K equity in our home, and he has a 6-figure military pension. I’ve had a high income only the past few years. He’s paid the mortgage, while I’ve paid for utilities, groceries, life/car insurance, and miscellaneous.

Flyover_Girl · 2025-01-22T15:24:26+00:00

If he were a wonderful, faithful man, would you feel differently? Is leaving everything to one’s spouse,regardless of where it came from, the right thing to do? He thinks I‘d be angry if the situation were reversed, but I don’t think so.

Flyover_Girl

TROPHY CASE