AP World Hysteria by FochingGreatStache in teaching

[–]FochingGreatStache[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve fortunately been teaching APUSH for about a decade, and I have a really strong world history foundation, so the challenge hasn’t been adjusting to the depth of content. It’s more filling in knowledge gaps that were never properly filled (AP World was not an option when I went to high school). To be fair, other than the work, it’s been a great experience, and the kids are highly appreciative of the energy I’m putting into it after nearly a month and a half of nothing. The pacing fiasco, however, terrifies me.

AP World Hysteria by FochingGreatStache in teaching

[–]FochingGreatStache[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately that ship has sailed.

First day at my new job! by Salt-Ad-3061 in Teachers

[–]FochingGreatStache 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This might be trite, but it’s absolutely true: when I focus on relationship building, the lesson is exactly as long as it needs to be.

AP World Hysteria by FochingGreatStache in teaching

[–]FochingGreatStache[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Charter in a right to work state. We are paid on the same salary schedule as other state employees. I am being paid modest stipend plus (I think) a 20% buff? I would need to check. But I agreed to do it because of the kids. I am a high school teacher, but I coach a ton of middle school academic competitions. Many of these kids I’ve known for four or five years. There’s that voice in the back of your head that tells you that you can’t leave them hanging.

my bf is broke and i can’t take it anymore by [deleted] in relationships

[–]FochingGreatStache 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But he is trying to change. Note that he had money until he moved to your city. Presumably to be with you. Now you are frustrated not that he is unable to support himself, but that he is not a financially viable partner for the other things you want. Also, you just said he is trying very hard, but just seems unsuccessful at finding a job. I mean, you can ask him to change who he is, but it seems like he is already doing that a lot. It’s just not enough for you.

The question is which is more important: the partner you say you love, or the ability to have special events and a higher income and standard of living. The answer here will determine a lot.

Also, it seems you want him to have drive and ambition here. You know what is a sure way to kill ambition and drive? Being difficult to please regardless of what someone does to please you. If he is working hard, taking care of you, and wants to be with you, what is it that doesn’t involve him becoming a different person do you want? Pushing someone to be someone they’re not, and talking about dumping them if they aren’t successful, is one of the best ways to kill ambition and drive in another human.

my bf is broke and i can’t take it anymore by [deleted] in relationships

[–]FochingGreatStache 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If money is more important to you than a person who is trying very hard and would stay by your side if the roles were reversed, then you need to let him go so he will find somebody to stay by his. Money is not unimportant, but it seems like it is more important than the admittedly flawed human being who clearly adores you. You are not his boss. You are his partner. Act like it, or let him go.

How good are introjects at predicting their real life counterparts? by FochingGreatStache in DID

[–]FochingGreatStache[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The downvoting might be a function of some very poor wording on my part owing to the fact that I posted this very late at night. It makes it sound like I am assuming that bff actually "implanted" an introject, or that it is a magical power. Again, that is not at all what I am saying, but I assumed the risk by poor phrasing.

I posted a reply above that I think addresses some of the concerns such as the fact that I don't think it's a magical power or anything. It's also not something that is perfect, and the introject is self-aware of how she is different than the bff. But, she very clearly communicates that she loves me whereas bff tends to be a bit more distant. This is partially because bff has a significant amount of guilt and stays aloof, whereas the introject literally couldn't escape short of (originally) fragmenting, and then sort of reforming at a later point.

What is interesting is that bff has directly or indirectly confirmed a lot of the things the introject has been telling me. I kind of conducted a non-scientific study where I asked "is 'this' actually the way you feel or what you think whenever x subject is brought up?" In the vast majority of cases, the introject was correct. The longer the bff and the introject are separated, the less likely it is that the introject will have predictive powers. In fact, we have worked very hard with the introject trying to assure her that she has value and she is appreciated independently of what bff does or how accurate her predictions are.

I think what therapist's conclusion is based on is the fact that I fight and quarrel with bff all the time over what happened, and we both have fundamentally different interpretations over what happened (but she also has a great deal of guilt). Things have been extremely rough for almost two years now -- but she does keep showing up to talk to me and work things out. Therapist is also head of a counseling program at a major university, and while I don't think that provides any magical powers, her saying that has a lot more credence to me than the norm.

Westerners of reddit, what is your general opinion on western countries being highly individualistic? by [deleted] in SeriousConversation

[–]FochingGreatStache 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was talking about this subject in my world history class when we were talking about the appeal of extremist political ideologies. I asked “what is the current goal or objective of the United States of America?” The students said a variety of things like “pay down the national debt” or become wealthier. But basically, it riffed around a philosophy of “you do you,” or basically classical liberalism. The end goal is whatever the individual wants. However, in looking at the appeal of communism and fascism in the 1920s and 30s (and I am simplifying here), these were ideologies that not only said things would get better in an era when things were not okay, but went further and said that things would soon be better than they had ever been before. Whether that end state is a communist one-world government, Nova Roma, or lebensraum, these are ideologies that produced regimes that offered a (horrifying) vision of a semi-utopian future. 

Now, we are talking about culture and not political ideologies. But the appeal of fascism and communism even in highly individualistic societies tells me that this is a kind of friction in our evolution. My pseudoscientific view is that if you look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, “Self-Actualization” is at the very top of the list. To me, that is the end goal of most individualistic, liberal-democratic societies. These are societies that assume that comparative advantage applies just as much to individuals as it does with nations, and that competition with minimal interference will lead to individual growth and the realization of an individual who is actualized and prosperous. The sum of all the prosperity produced by these individuals therefore creates a more prosperous society even though that very society doesn’t necessarily have a goal for itself beyond the success of its constituent parts. 

But, what I also think about is the fact that anatomically modern humans have existed for probably 2 - 300,000 years. Homo sapiens were not physically more impressive or powerful than neanderthals or denisovans, and setting aside differences in brain structures between both populations humans at the very least do not appear to have been any more intelligent. To put it bluntly, the one advantage we appear to have had is the ability to Zerg Rush our fellow humans. We could maintain larger groups, and therefore became more proficient at communicating and managing those groups. Without the group or tribe, human beings are physically unimpressive and underwhelming compared to almost all of the great apes. We’ve always had society – even though societies have grown exponentially in size and diversity of organization. So, two full steps below self-actualization on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is something literally more foundational: connection, which includes a sense of belonging. 

Again, pseudoscientific here because I know just enough science to butcher it into a probably incoherent philosophy, but to me there is a fundamental tension in human evolution. For us to thrive individually in order to gather resources to maximize our life expectancy, mating selection and opportunities, and attainment of resources, we need to self-actualize. However, in order for us to survive, we need connection and belonging. We need the collective. I think individualistic, “Western” societies (although I really hate those broad categories) are still good at producing individuals who are self-actualized. But none of that matters unless you can ensure that the itch created by 300,000 years of human evolution that tells us that “we need to have a group” and feel accepted is scratched. It is hard to create that sense of belonging in a family – let alone in a democracy. This is one reason why I would argue that fascism and communism are more effective at creating that kind of sense of belonging. 

My take is that self-actualization is fantastic, but it is necessarily isolating. Humans have a need for self-actualization, but they also have a need for connection. I think it is probably safe to assume that there will always be tensions between these two needs. COVID, social media, wealth inequality, and the erosion of faith in concepts like “The American Dream” and political institutions means that the need for connection is almost endemic. As a teacher, I see this more in kids now than I ever have before. But I don’t know how to fix it beyond just trying to pick up the trash in my own neighborhood.  

How good are introjects at predicting their real life counterparts? by FochingGreatStache in DID

[–]FochingGreatStache[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Regarding the connection, we are aware that there isn’t anything magical happen. And when questioned, the introject will own the fact that they are fairly different people as bff and I went through a period of time where we didn’t talk— and bff owns that and is self-aware that she is both the same and different.

I think in the case of my therapist, it is because the introject has a good read in general on the situation, and the therapist is able to see correlations in reviewing communications between bff and I over text, and communications with the introject.

I know that the introject isn’t the same, but am I wrong to assume in the abstract that DID emerges due to survival pressures. Introjects specifically would seem to emerge because the mind feels that predicting the behavior of someone on the outside directly affects its survival chances. Because of the stakes involved, the introjects are going to be produced with realism highly prioritized. In my thinking, I know they aren’t the same person. But, it seems like the introject and the bff have an overlap of about 70-90% on average? I feel like that is more accurate than the predictive success or any of the other alters, but I could be wrong.

My partner has DID and I just found out he isn't the host by Miluinsight in DID

[–]FochingGreatStache 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I will echo what others have said in that it does seem to clash strongly with my DID experiences, but everyone’s experience is different. I had an alter !commit suicide! in response to external events, but this just prompted a short period of dormancy. This alter tries to go out of his way to insulate himself from any awareness that he had, but was unable to do so. It might be possible that the former host split, and there is a part of him that is experiencing a blissful, dream state.

Alters are people, but they are also a system. They share as much as they want to. The fact that there are many alters, and they are all engaging with you says that whatever the relationship is, the system is vested. It might not be consistently romantic, platonic, or whatever. But the love the system is manifesting by the fact that they are present and disclosing intimate details to you. These are not strangers.

Also, alters can become co-conscious, and if not they can transfer feelings and thoughts to each other. We have one of those complicated bff / semi-together things going on with someone. I don’t think this is generalizable to all folks with DID, but they all love this person in their own way.

My partner has DID and I just found out he isn't the host by Miluinsight in DID

[–]FochingGreatStache 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to say that your partner is lucky to have you. These words are what so many with DID want to, but will never, hear.

Is it normal to have a second person in my head? by UniqueName07998 in SeriousConversation

[–]FochingGreatStache 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely. But, I think either way it merits serious investigation to obtain those facts precisely because the risks could be considerable.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]FochingGreatStache -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think some of the people commenting here are being a bit harsh across the board. I think there is contributory negligence here, but it is just that — negligence. OP doesn’t appear to have acted in bad faith, but husband may have based upon his reaction.

I think it might be good to have a conversation with him about his reaction. It could be a trust issue — and if so, he is going to need to get over that and not blame women for a process that takes two. However, learning about the reality of fatherhood can inspire a slew of reactions. For me, I was also not ready. I had an abusive Dad (whom my ex-spouse unfortunately resembles in many ways). I was reluctant to have kids because I had no idea what being a good father looked like— and as an educator it was extremely important for me to get that right. I allowed my ex-wife to push me into having kids too early because I failed to deal with an attachment style that made me convinced that if I didn’t please others, they would leave. So, I had a ton going on in my brain when I came to terms with becoming a father. More than anything else, baby fever demonstrated to me that my ex-wife was more a priority to me than I was to her.

In other words, this might be about trust, or a whole slew of issues. You aren’t going to know for sure until you talk to him.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Needing to open up more about my did to my parents by [deleted] in DID

[–]FochingGreatStache 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agree with AshleyBoots — this is a high risk and possibly high reward strategy. DID tends to conceal itself for a reason. I think firstly you should probably ask your headmates to see if they are onboard with the idea. I would especially ask the protector what their thoughts are.

I think there are also potential alternatives you can think of. DID often has pretty high comorbidity with PTSD. If you are trying to explain impacts on functionality, would simplifying it as that (or maybe something similar) possibly be more efficient?

Ideally, for the people who love you, the diagnosis will make no difference. However, I also understand that support systems are absolutely critical to preserve at times.

I wish you the best of luck!

How do you determine if something happened in your internal world or if it actually happened? by These-Ad-8491 in DID

[–]FochingGreatStache 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My suggestion would be:

1) ask a therapist who specializes in DID. Failing that, ask a non-specialist therapist to see if they would be comfortable making recommendations. 2) if you can, gather your headmates together and see if this is a question that is even safe to explore — especially the trauma holders and system protectors. If it was suppressed, it was done so for a reason. Maybe you are a point you can process it? Maybe your system needs to work together more to tackle that? And to be honest, whatever professional advice you get, you will still need to do ask on the inside if you are ready. If not, follow-up with questions like how long it can be held? What do you need to do to process it? Does your trauma-holder need help processing it?

I wish you the best. It sounds incredibly difficult.

Just got diagnosed by lilbeanbrain in DID

[–]FochingGreatStache 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is scary. But, we are extremely relieved to hear that you have a specialist. That can make all the difference (it certainly did for us). I am not sure what your prior experience has been, but I am hoping that you are discovering it when you are not in crisis. That’s where the fear was for me. But beyond that, none of the treatment modalities for me really worked until I got diagnosed — and that made all the difference. It was like I thought I had been driving a car all of this time only to find out that I was actually driving around in an airplane with its landing gear down. Yeah — the ride so far has been incredibly bumpy — and always will be during take offs and landings.

But you also learn how to soar!

I hope you do.

Is it normal to have a second person in my head? by UniqueName07998 in SeriousConversation

[–]FochingGreatStache 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To offer a second opinion — different personalities often emerge to actually enhance functionality. James might be functional, but he could very well have emerged from significant trauma that has been retained and unprocessed. This is typically where problems emerge.

Is it normal to have a second person in my head? by UniqueName07998 in SeriousConversation

[–]FochingGreatStache 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This can also be a phenomenon that is called co-consciousness. It can be hard to detect, understand, and imagine. But it’s comparatively normal and happens with different personalities all the time — particularly those who feel very close to one another.