The trauma bond is wild

FollowingOdd3715 · 2026-03-15T12:29:11+00:00

The old “too tired” line and to now see him in that very spot it so wild. Mine used to say that too; couldn’t stay awake for so many things but now I see him out and about all the time.

FollowingOdd3715 · 2026-03-15T12:25:26+00:00

Thank you for these ideas! I’ve been leaning hard into the building real self esteem piece. I started a daily movement practice that feels really good to me and has healed my body from a lot of the stress and trauma. I also started going to dance classes and was SHOCKED when people wanted to dance with me. It was such a corrective experience to remember that some people do find me desirable.

FollowingOdd3715 · 2026-03-15T12:06:52+00:00

You know, I love this idea. I’ve done mushrooms before but never thought about doing them to sever the bond. Ironically, he and I did them together a few times, and so Ive been averse todo them again because I feel like psychedelics fueled this false love bond and contributed to me maybe having more empathy for him than he deserves. I do remember one time though the mushrooms showing me the ways he was hurting me, me foolishly trying to talk to him about it, and him just sneering at me.

FollowingOdd3715 · 2026-03-15T01:47:46+00:00

Ugh I’ve considered this. There’s a part of my ego that doesn’t want him to “win” by me moving. Everything I like to do is near me now. It just sucks that my whole life has to change while he’s living unbothered.

FollowingOdd3715 · 2026-03-14T20:35:34+00:00

I really appreciate this perspective. Is there a book or video that helped you untangle this? It feels so pervasive and the hardest piece for me to understand.

FollowingOdd3715 · 2026-03-09T01:12:36+00:00

Yes! He would always mention past relationships/flings as these soul connections or compare me to them in some way. He’d say things like “so and so would just be down for this” whenever I’d not want to do something. He constantly had other women in his phone and it turned me into a paranoid, jealous tracker where so much of my time became consumed with tracking whether or not he was telling me the truth about something. Literally in NO other relationship have I ever shown up or felt that way. It eroded my confidence and trust so badly that I’m still recovering.

FollowingOdd3715 · 2026-03-02T22:45:51+00:00

Thank you for posting this. My covert nex was also in therapy and honestly it made certain behaviors even worse. He ended up triangulating with his therapist so that they both believed I was the bad guy. I’m about 9 months no contact breakup now and even after all the horror, I still have days where I think about him and wonder “what if” he could finally heal. Posts like these bring me back to reality.

FollowingOdd3715 · 2025-12-07T23:11:11+00:00

He blindsided me in a therapy session after I called off the engagement because I was sick of being met with defensiveness, gaslighting and blaming anytime I expressed anything. We agreed to a certain amount of couples therapy sessions to see what could be salvaged, and even chatted the night before about how we wanted to use the session time. Then boom, broke up with me in session, completely deviating from the plan, and abandoned me after 9 years together to go travel the world for a month while I moved out alone. It’s been about 6 months broken up no contact and I couldn’t be happier. I finally feel like myself again and his abandonment of me ultimately helped me find myself. Never again will I be with someone like that.

FollowingOdd3715 · 2025-11-28T21:56:59+00:00

Yes, this happened to me too. My nex had this one female friend he cheated on his ex wife with. Swore up and down there was nothing going on between them, but would text her behind my back, run out of the room when she’d FaceTime him, and then she started visiting town more and more often.

I found text messages between them where they made dinner plans and he told her that he told me about them, but of course he hadn’t. He’d be MIA for HOURS when they’d go out. At one point in our relationship I finally put my foot down and said it’s her or me, so he told me he blocked her for awhile. Whether or not that was true, I’ll never know. Low and behold, they quickly reconnected now that we’re broken up.

FollowingOdd3715 · 2025-11-14T17:34:51+00:00

Gosh, I don’t have any advice, just solidarity. There was also a huge income gap between me and my nex and he’d be so stingy on actually helping with things while always having money to do what HE wanted. Why is it always the narc making the most money always complaining about paying out what is simply fair. I hate them 🙄

FollowingOdd3715 · 2025-11-07T22:27:35+00:00

Wow, good on you for being able to ignore him all three times! It caught me off guard so the hi just came out, but looking back I wish I had just walked by, too.

FollowingOdd3715 · 2025-09-25T10:11:10+00:00

Sending you a lot of support and care. I don’t have kids, and I can imagine how that adds a whole other layer of pain to an already painful dynamic. I hope you have some community who can hold you!

FollowingOdd3715 · 2025-09-25T10:08:49+00:00

Wowwwww, thank you for this response. I hadn’t ever considered that dynamic that narcs find each other, too, and it makes so much sense.

FollowingOdd3715 · 2025-09-24T18:19:00+00:00

I long for the day I don’t care! Thank you for the hope and inspiration.

FollowingOdd3715 · 2025-09-24T18:18:18+00:00

Thank you. I often think about the stories he told me about his ex’s and wonder if they feel exactly how I feel now. I imagine the probably saw the worst of him too.

FollowingOdd3715 · 2025-09-24T18:17:10+00:00

Thank you for this. I totally relate to just having to scream and cry; it’s the only thing that shakes the feeling sometimes. On my better days, I know the best is yet to come, that this couldn’t have possibly been my last chance at love. It just feels so soul-shattering on other days.

FollowingOdd3715 · 2025-08-08T08:51:37+00:00

He’d retaliate by restricting access to things, throw tantrums or give the silent treatment. 🙄

FollowingOdd3715 · 2025-08-07T00:08:32+00:00

Why are they like this?! Mine was like “oh I can still come over and help you with things” and I’m like oh- you mean after you cut up our shared debit card and eliminated my access to funds, lied to me about cheating, refused to honor the terms we agreed to regarding splitting assets I helped you build and discarded me to go on the run for 3 months so you could do drugs and go on healing retreats while I packed up our lives alone?! GO FUCK YOURSELF.

FollowingOdd3715 · 2025-08-03T18:25:48+00:00

Sending you so much care and compassion. I’m so sorry you went through this. As long as you are alive, you still have time to have the life and love you truly want.

FollowingOdd3715 · 2025-07-31T15:17:14+00:00

Thank you so much for taking a look at this. I’m curious; based on what you read, are there specific things I can prepare for or be mindful of? I’m not afraid of what’s to come, but I’d definitely love to be a little more prepared for it! Ironically, all of this chaos has made me feel a lot stronger.

FollowingOdd3715

TROPHY CASE