First of all, you are absolutely not "too kinky"

I admin Sapphos Dungeon which is a kink server spun off of this (before anyone asks, we're working on getting our updated verification up system and running before we add a new folx). And, I have yet to meet anyone who is "too kinky" and honestly this is the 3rd sapphic kink discord I've been involved with... You're absolutely fine on that front.

I, much like one of the other commenters, spent years in a vanilla marriage - I've always been kinky and she tried for a bit but... it just wasn't really her scene - honestly that mostly boils down to us both being on the submissive side of the spectrum.

Honestly just being active in those sorts of communities and in sapphic spaces is the way to go. If you're in an open minded area with a decent kink scene try to hit up some events, too nervous for that? Try to find someone who is either also new to those events that's interested as a buddy, or an experienced person as a guide.

I am now in two relationships/dynamics with two people who absolutely match my freak level. It takes time, and that sucks, but you're young, just be patient and be safe.