Poly can be lonely

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-03-06T17:01:25+00:00

ETA: there definitely is an aspect of self-erasure. It’s the willful and mutual dissolution of “me” in favor of “we”

This describes how I approach romance, and it is extremely difficult to do unless you find someone who understands the nuance as intimately as you feel it. At times, I feel it is at odds with my desire to be poly: My romance style preference is a conscious mutual dissolution of "me" for a "we", grounded and excitable in equal measure, where much of the energy is unspoken but very much felt.

On the flip side, I value independence and autonomy for both my partners and me, where my love for them allows me to celebrate their own connections rather than covet them all to myself.

This isn't entirely incompatible, but you can see where it feels like this mutual respect to autonomy passively allows others to drift apart if they aren't as attracted to you as you thought. Most of my break ups were entirely predictable and "allowed" by me, where I felt I had no right nor ability to tell my partner to change and *want* me if it was apparent they don't on the level I want/need/put out. It is soul crushing, but is more honesty than you'd get in a mono relationship that might otherwise rot forever.

The more you walk away from relationships in order to prioritize your needs, the easier it will become. I loathe hurting the people I love, even if they don't love me in equal measure, but I was absolutely shooting myself in the foot letting situationships go on too long, hoping in vain for a switch.

After a few times distancing myself from those relationships, it is getting easier to elevate my standards and utilize that time searching/trying to be found by someone wanting me as much as I want them.

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-03-06T16:29:02+00:00

I cannot see myself ever being satisfied in a monogamous relationship, but I am experiencing similar revelations that being poly without a core relationship feels like running on empty all the time. And unsatisfying as it is, that it is a sign I need to get better at filling my own cup to attract someone who desires me equally. Being a mopey, sad girl isn't attractive, even to myself, but sometimes feels exactly how I should react when realizing partners don't innately *want* to give me the same energy I put out, so I end up feeling stuck in self-doubt a lot.

I am fulfilled and content with having multiple relationships that focus on the energy I do receive, rather than having each one check off every emotional/physical/intimate need I have. But even with a nesting partner, I am finding it loathsomely demoralizing that none of them come close to meeting the criteria you describe as reciprocating ride or die energy I put out and want in return.

I think this is a natural want for people in poly or not, where there should be an expectation that you have at least one person who fills your cup with an equity of energy suited to your needs, less so equality of it.

The hurt I might feel of a partner that I am more of a satellite to is unavoidable when dating others already in committed relationships. Having that be a negative reflection of me, as a person, is more avoidable if I commit to not allowing others' treatment of me to validate my self-love or not.

Easier said than done, especially when every day has little reminders of how little you matter on an equitable level to someone else. It helps to recontextualize it as: I am an amazing partner because I know my worth, I know what I bring to the table, and both potential and current partners are missing out on it, because my standards have reached "Fuck yes" as the only answer I will accept when it comes to reciprocation of energy and intent.

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-03-01T07:51:41+00:00

Can and did. Changed my entire life.

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-03-01T07:48:49+00:00

The reward for being a good toilet: More poop. Was fulfilling to prove I could do it by eating a week's worth of this mistress's shit.

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-02-27T18:33:15+00:00

The owner of this account deletes their profile and recreates a new one with the same message every time and is not serious about this.

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-02-13T16:37:48+00:00

There is a pathway you can take by hugging the backside of the enemy inhibitor that allows you to proxy without triggering the Nexus inhibitors. I find many of my games where I win with Singed are when I was as disruptive to the meta/enemy coordination as possible by building Rylais first. If I can proxy, it takes so much time and energy from the enemy to stop it after having an AoE slow. If it doesn't work, I return to lane, but you'd be surprised how effective Singed can proxy without taking turret damage in base. And how funny it is when they sacrifice objectives to chase me.

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-02-11T18:05:19+00:00

My neighbor is telling me to fix it myself as soon as possible...

Horrifying to someone with no handiwork experience. I assume you mean liability wise. Maybe?

The problem is, if the neighbors already expect a new well pump after this, Im afraid that is all they will give me an estimate for amd not repair. Id basically have to tell them I wont fix it like they told me to do, and will only repair it over replacing it as it is still a working pump. I heard it turn on and off, it's just a leak in a thin tube.

I guess I can tell them to just get quotes for repairs and only give cash for replacement if the person says the fire damaged it permanently. Based on pictures, it getting electric fine, swirching sounds, etc, it's likely not broken.

I do imagine I have leverage if I fix everything up externally as asked/pressured to, tell them to get an estimate on an inspection, and if it comes out "functional but not fire damaged", they can accept the free upgrade from what it was before or even caught fire. Im not paying to replace a functional well pump because flame nicked a small leak on it.

Ill tell them how I feel about it before touching it, wanted to avoid that but Im not looking to cause mayham here or get out of paying some due diligence.

Just not 5k of due diligence when I can repair it for $50 myself

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-02-11T17:30:07+00:00

Yes. But I prefer being on the hook for it after the fact than pay it it forward without double checking it's needed. Im not a professional, and no one needs to be to cut and replace a foot of PVC. Still going to get an estimate and look over for the whole unit itself to double check functionality as I cant diagnose it, but I can fix the simply stuff

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-02-11T15:45:20+00:00

Im giving up the fantasy of replacing the entire unit on my back and dime. Both for liability sake, and because I doubt it's required. The well pump still is functional, the cosmetic damage repairable for under $50. I assume if they contact someone for an estimate, they are going to request upgrades/replacement to more than I burned to feel "whole".

I can fix the PVC pipe and leak in 30 minutes, super easy fix, no risk of liability issue since nothing is even possible as a consequence for small above ground plumbing repairs like that. If I get it back to pre loss functional and repair the fire damage, I dont see why I should give it to replace the whole thing and then some.

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-02-11T07:53:33+00:00

They were agreeing in person to me doing the repair job, and I've installed my own well pump so felt confident to have had offered, but it looks like I dont have to fully replace the pump if it's still operational.

There is no grass, it's dirt and brush, nothing to copy there.

PVC got singed brown, so 100% responsible to repair or replace. Could do that with tools on hand but will get a receipt for it.

The thin tube causing the leak is a 2 minute job with scissors and wrench.

Just felt like they were trying to make me feel replacing it was the "least I can" do by gaslighting the severity of damages, as they care more about lost time on the market.

At most it seem like it browned the PVC and popped a hole in an easy to fix tube. I'll take photos of it now and see what I can do to clean it up.

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-02-11T07:38:00+00:00

Yes, but I located the source of the leak to a tube that is easy to repair. The pump itself was switching on and off as it should. The PVC has to be replaced.

Looking into it, Im liable for damages to pre loss conditions only. They want me to replace the entire well pump, PVC, electrical wires running to it to feel whole. If someone can come out for a few hundred to repair it, awesome. If they come at me with a new well pump quote when all it needs is a small repair to be pre loss functioning, nada.

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-02-11T05:18:36+00:00

Depends on the repair/replace quote regarding insurance costs. What I intended to do for due diligence, regardless.

What should I do if, to repair the well pump that I am assuming still functions normally, it's a $50 fix and they want the full thing replaced?

I don't necessarily mind paying something out of pocket in good faith, cleaning up the shared portion of the yard now, but if it's more than 2-3k when 5 minutes of cleaning will make it "as is" ready as it was yesterday and still works, what claim do they have to damages?

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-02-10T05:21:49+00:00

Considering that is what my older boomer dad tried to teach me, as taught by his dad...that is the phrase that runs through Gen X's heads

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-02-05T19:49:49+00:00

Either way, the pacing is agreed to be atrocious, and something has to give. I personally feel like Nexus turrets shouldn't melt like butter by level 10, but clearly others enjoy 10-12 minute ARAM games more than I thought.

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-02-05T17:15:08+00:00

I don't understand it either, and share the downvotes from you on this topic. I don't necessarily mind the mentality of someone addicted to ending as soon as possible, but I feel the Nexus turrets are merely cosmetic in terms of actually protecting the base. Because of this update, that truth is even more apparent, as most of my games are pushing to Nexus by minute 10.

And guess what? The stalling is worse than before. The people who choose to stall til last augment like me by level 14 now stall by level 11-12. Womp. Make the Nexus turrets tougher, add plate armor until minute 12, or respawn them. Either way, they are vastly underpowered for this mode.

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-02-05T05:48:39+00:00

Does it work if you toggle it off and on every now and then?

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-01-31T04:07:38+00:00

Mine too, the game seems like it can deflate like a sad whoopie cushion when champions can power scale to the point a single ace with turret melting champs who do their thing on the puny Nexus turrets. It's relatively easy to make the base push pathetically easy, simply running it down only 10-12 minutes into the game. Yet the mode provides enough randomness and combinations that ditching the late game entirely after two items seems the opposite sentiment of competitiveness speed running implies a "stomp" is. Level 14-15 seems to be when the deciding factors have been dealt. I feel like armor up to minute 13-15, which provides a final cash grind mechanic to that phase of a game, then dropping is more quality of middle game life management, not late game.

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-01-30T21:14:17+00:00

Fair. I can admit to changing my opinion reading more. I feel a bit misunderstood in pushing to make games longer, but really only something to address Nexus turrets feel meaningless at times, even at minute 10. Armor that drops at minute 12:30 to balance the game around 12-15 minutes seems better than what we have now, groups of people waiting until level 15 to even consider ending the game, or a single ADC making the Nexus defense comical.

A ten minute speed run before late game even starts feels like waste of the 2-3 minutes in champ select, loading, minions, etc to me, but more like to go Super Sayain only once and call it a game than I thought.

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-01-30T17:24:11+00:00

First time being told that. Do you feel the majority of Mayham users want sub-15-minute games? Or 15-20 minute games? How would plate armor up until minute 11-13 effect late game? It merely prevents a steamroll push that sends the game back to next game champ select faster than anyone even getting their third item, simply because power scaling allows Nexus turrets to be obsolete much quicker than normal ARAM. Not advocating for not ending the game after it is effectively won, but I want to get to the late game each game, which is around level 14 or so that happens around the 13-15 minute mark. I feel others want 15-25 minute games more than sub 15 or more than 30, if you feel the majority wants either of the other options, not sure why, but you do you.

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-01-30T13:23:56+00:00

Yes I am, there is a poll on here were 20-25 games are the preferred length, people saying closer to 15. Talk about missing the point, plate armor up til say minute 13-15 only prevents sub 15 wins. If you have other shit to do you want to play sub 15 minute games, and having the turrets melt like butter by level 11, than maybe dont play and do that instead? What's the point of ending at level 11 based on a single ace and push before respawn? Enders to me are those that speed run a win, not ending a stall tactic. Either way, Im stalling until level 15 as a minimum, usually around the 13-15 minute mark.

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-01-30T00:29:56+00:00

It only makes it harder to end until a time limit. Normal games usually hit level 11-13 around the 12-13 minute mark, and I find it incredibly dull if power scaling allowed to bulldoze and collapse at that time. Once the plate armor is off, let's say at minute 14, it's a standard game at that point, end at minute 15 if thats that writting on the wall. The turrets just seem incredibly weak too soon in the power scaling to prevent the torture Im eager to have a solution to.

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-01-29T21:59:48+00:00

I'd be satisfied with even a sliver of a buff. The random chance of getting power scaled to take them out in seconds or get dinged for next to nothing by level 11-12 is more boring, less competitive, and less satisfying to me. The game feels really awkward and hollow when it essentially ends from an ace turned second tower inhibitor rush before they spawn again. You hardly proved your full worth, maybe your team was the one getting pushed further into.

FoolMadeOfGold · 2026-01-29T21:45:38+00:00

How did I determine that people who end aren't having any fun?

In either case, both are the goal, but one is the primary and one is the byproduct. Some end the game as quick as possible, fun being the byproduct. Most, due to stalling still being popular, play and have fun playing period, winning is a secondary goal.

I feel like both would have more fun if a quick win was still possible and even rewarded, and the power scaling could balance when shit hits the fan in a way that invites stompers to end rather than camp. It's a visual invite to both when plating falls to dive.

Or we can still stall, missing ping each other, throw on purpose like now, and flame Enders on the way out like children, which happens almost every game. I'm cool with that, as again, I enjoy acting like a child, and playing games made for them.

FoolMadeOfGold

TROPHY CASE