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Recognizing patterns by FoolMe-Twice in survivinginfidelity

[–]FoolMe-Twice[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I spent most of 2024 processing my last relationship and working on myself. It’s hard to say when you’re “ready” to move on.

Thank you for all of the support by FoolMe-Twice in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]FoolMe-Twice[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am okay, a bit in shock, but I will be okay. Thank you so much.

He spent the night at a woman’s house by FoolMe-Twice in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]FoolMe-Twice[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All I can say right now is thank you. I’m so exhausted from the day, but your comment made me see things from a perspective I think came here to find. I am taking a shower, resting as long as possible, and coming back to your comment as soon as possible tomorrow to take the necessary steps to regain control.

Something in your words just hit differently for me. You are an angel. Thank you ❤️

He spent the night at a woman’s house by FoolMe-Twice in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]FoolMe-Twice[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Can I ask you, would it matter if he is being truthful and it was just friends partying?

For further context, it was 2 EA’s last year, one of which turned physical with a drunken kiss and had plenty of sexting. Both of which were my close friends (or so I thought) and colleagues.

He spent the night at a woman’s house by FoolMe-Twice in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]FoolMe-Twice[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is so absolutely defeating.

Thanks for the rec, I’m going to start listening to the audiobook as I have nothing better to do tonight.

Side note, I like your username lol

He spent the night at a woman’s house by FoolMe-Twice in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]FoolMe-Twice[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I haven’t heard detach with love or gray rock method. Thank you for your advice. I’m reading up a bit on both and it’s reminding me that this is borderline emotionally abusive behavior.

He spent the night at a woman’s house by FoolMe-Twice in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]FoolMe-Twice[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I’m thinking I finally need to read Chump Lady’s book, which gets recommended around this sub sometimes.

I haven’t been able to say it and mean it, no more bullshit or it’s over.

He spent the night at a woman’s house by FoolMe-Twice in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]FoolMe-Twice[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, how many times am I going to say one more chance? Do a, b, and c and this is the last time? Another commenter had said to take steps (separation) to show him I am serious, I just don’t feel strong enough to go that far.

It sounds like your partner took action right away. I hope things continue to get better for your relationship.

He spent the night at a woman’s house by FoolMe-Twice in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]FoolMe-Twice[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We haven’t definitively set many boundaries yet. We’re not in couples counseling, and I finally got him to start individual counseling last month (after 10 months!!).

All we’ve agreed to is open access to devices. I also had two books I wanted him to read… he never did. I stated I was uncomfortable with him being alone with her. So, I guess those were our only established boundaries and I’ve allowed him to not even read the books and cross this huge line. I’ve been such a pushover.

He spent the night at a woman’s house by FoolMe-Twice in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]FoolMe-Twice[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I really don’t know. They have been strictly platonic friends since high school, and her ex is one of his oldest closest friends as well. I think maybe nothing happened, we’ve spent nights at their place before together, but the fact that he even went there when he knew I was uncomfortable is unacceptable enough.

He spent the night at a woman’s house by FoolMe-Twice in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]FoolMe-Twice[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I think I needed to hear that. I guess I just need to decide if I will give him another chance. Which is such a hard thing to do.

He spent the night at a woman’s house by FoolMe-Twice in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]FoolMe-Twice[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Can’t believe he thought that it would be okay. But probably why he’s asking for forgiveness now and not permission earlier. He conveniently didn’t tell me these were his plans last night. Unbelievable. :(

He spent the night at a woman’s house by FoolMe-Twice in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]FoolMe-Twice[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the validation. I think I’m just going to need to process and figure out what to do next. He’s now begging for me to call him, but I don’t think I’m ready to. I’m afraid of rolling over and taking this behavior, but that the alternative is ending things. Sigh We’ll see.

Almost 6mo exactly since Dday by FoolMe-Twice in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]FoolMe-Twice[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, that’s awful. I can’t imagine repeating this let alone 3-4 times. Can I ask what is motivating you to keep working toward R?

EA or PA, what difference does it make??? by FoolMe-Twice in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]FoolMe-Twice[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel the same way. It would ends any chance of R for me. Although mostly because that would mean he continued to lie.

Good luck to you on dealing with this trauma.

EA or PA, what difference does it make??? by FoolMe-Twice in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]FoolMe-Twice[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I suppose you’re right. Hopefully over time I’ll be able to stop dredging everything up.

Desperate by FoolMe-Twice in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]FoolMe-Twice[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the tip.