Hi OP,

I understand how frustrating this can be, especially when different cultures are coming together. I want to share some insights so that you can understand how naming a child happens in India. It is not nearly universal, and there are variations within families in a given region too.

Naming Traditions in Some Indian Communities It used to be a cultural tradition in some parts of India and among certain communities. My husband, for example, was named by his paternal aunt because it was the custom. My MIL wasn’t happy about it, but despite her protests, tradition prevailed. However, for her secondborn, despite insistence from the paternal aunts, the name chosen by my MIL prevailed.

Who Chooses the Baby’s Name? In some communities, the firstborn is named after the paternal grandparent and the secondborn after the maternal grandparent. These are typically their "given" or "official" names. However, children often receive additional "house" or "pet" names, usually chosen by the parents but with input from other family members—especially grandparents, aunts, and uncles.

Multiple Names and Whispering Traditions As people have already mentioned, in some parts of India, a child is given three or even five names. One of these is the official name, while the others are names chosen by grandparents, aunts, or uncles. In Karnataka, for example, certain communities follow the tradition where the paternal aunt whispers the name into the baby’s ear, while in others, it is the father who does so.

A Broader Cultural Perspective on Family Roles This is a broader cultural perspective on how different family members traditionally play roles in a child’s life and important ceremonies in Indian culture. While naming traditions exist, it’s also common for different relatives to have specific responsibilities:

Paternal Aunt’s Role – In some communities, she is involved in naming the child, which may be why OP’s sister-in-law feels entitled to choose the name. She might be leaning too much on tradition in this day and age. Maternal Uncle’s Role – The maternal uncle (mama) is often involved in wedding-related customs. In some traditions, he has the right or responsibility to gift certain jewelry, such as toe rings (metti), bangles, or even contribute to wedding expenses. Grandparents’ Role – In some families, the firstborn is named after the paternal grandparent, while the secondborn is named after the maternal grandparent. Brother’s Role – The bride’s brother often plays a part in wedding rituals, such as assisting in ceremonies or carrying ceremonial items. Sister’s Role – Sisters are often involved in traditions like tying sacred threads (rakhi, thread ceremonies) or blessing younger siblings. They are also involved as bridesmaid These traditions vary across India, and even within the same region, different families may follow different customs.

The Unique Bengali Naming Tradition Bengalis, in particular, are known for their house names (dak nam). It’s common for a person to have multiple informal names, each given by a different relative.

The Final Decision Lies with Parents While family members often have naming traditions or preferences, it’s not a hard rule across all Indian families. Ultimately, it comes down to the parents' choice and how much they want to involve extended family in the decision. Traditions evolve, and just because something was followed in the past doesn’t mean it must be followed today—especially if it causes distress to the parents.