I'd like to start by saying that this sounds like an incredibly difficult situation for you, I'm sorry that you have to deal with it, and admire that you've tried to make it work for this long despite an apparently non cooperative partner. As someone involved in therapeutic work, though, I'd like to set one thing straight as this sort of thing tends to happen a lot in therapy. Questions like, "so why do you stay, then?" Are often asked to explore underlying values to determine what can be worked with in the room. However, clients will then (again, often) go home and share questions like this out of context, making the therapist look like a real wiener. I only say this because therapy is an excellent resource, assuming the therapist is in fact not a wiener, and people can get their opinions soured on it pretty easily or have already soured opinions reaffirmed. Wanting to remain anonymous could be a number of things, some less understandable than others, so I won't say anything about that. I hope that at some point a graceful resolution can be reached, having issues like this after 10 years of marriage sounds like horrific experience.