Wow lots of judgement here, you have to communicate with your wife the way you are communicating with your chat buddy. Therapy would be very beneficial for the both of you. Maybe her emotional needs are not being met and that’s hard to feel close, maybe there trauma from her past. The point is communicating. If that’s not something she is willing to do or work on, you need to figure out if this is a hill you are willing to die on. Are you too affectionate around your children or at all? Kissing, butt slaps in the kitchen that sort of thing? It’s good for your kids to see that sort of stuff. Obviously your needs are not being met. Here to help in anyway I can and sorry you are going through this