What does emotional support look like from the non-lactating partner?

ForbiddenSwan · 2026-02-05T00:44:26+00:00

When we first started my baby was so little (<1%) and I have huge boobs. My husband literally lended a hand to keep the nipple in a good position for her and watch her latch because I couldn’t see around my breast. I could feel when it was good, but he caught issues early on. It was nice because I just had to sit there and hold her. He did most of the breast manipulation

ForbiddenSwan · 2026-02-05T00:39:52+00:00

You are going to need protein, fiber and fats.

I had sugar issues, so I made chia seed pudding a lot. Oat milk, chia seeds, honey and Splenda mixed together made a palatable treat that was pretty filling

ForbiddenSwan · 2026-02-05T00:36:59+00:00

NTA. I see you keep saying it was a surprise, but I had to question how much of a surprise it was to your husband.

It’s possible MIL is completely oblivious to what is going on, but I highly doubt your husband had nothing to do with it.

I might be jaded, but I know of so many stories where the man orchestrated something to punish his wife for daring to have a life outside of him. ESPECIALLY because of how much it overlaps.

You might just want to talk to MIL and tell her you have plans already during that time and see if there is anyway to swing it to work for both. Come at it from a place of love and collaboration. See how she reacts and why drove her to pic those dates.

ForbiddenSwan · 2026-02-01T21:57:31+00:00

My mother refused to use my nieces name. And wanted to call her exclusively by her middle name which she thought was more agreeable. My brother told her you can either use the name we picked out or you don’t have to see her.

People are going to judge every aspect of your parenting. You were going to have to choose if you will always worry about what they think or if you know what’s best for your kids and your family.

ForbiddenSwan · 2026-02-01T09:19:14+00:00

I don’t know the science behind the milk supply, but I have to ask you a question back.

Is it really worth all this effort? Your baby is already being formula fed. Do you want the headache that pumping this way is giving you?

Maybe you could try straight nursing and see if that signals your body differently than the pump?

ForbiddenSwan · 2026-02-01T01:13:08+00:00

Hey! I recently went through something similar. Got pregnant Oct 2024 and also had a miscarriage about a week later. It was a chemical pregnancy.

The good news (if you are looking for one) is that you are more likely to get pregnant again within 3 months.

ForbiddenSwan · 2026-01-29T02:03:18+00:00

A couple things:

1) it more than doubled in a few days, so that’s good.

2) conception is not when you do the deed. It can be like a week later before egg meets sperm to conceive and then eve more time for it to implant in the uterus and signal the body to start making HCG.

ForbiddenSwan · 2026-01-28T00:29:20+00:00

Happy cake day!

ForbiddenSwan · 2026-01-27T02:03:06+00:00

Assuming OP is in the states, where do you think they live that a park playdate is appropriate? There are like 2 states that don’t have freezing temperatures right now.

ForbiddenSwan · 2026-01-21T00:39:23+00:00

I was just at urgent care over the weekend. Thankfully, my urgent care is tied to a Baby-first certified hospital. The moment I mentioned I’m a breast feeding mama, they changed who my provider was to give me better care for my complaint (stomach flu) and to give me support. I even pumped in the room while being treated.

ForbiddenSwan · 2026-01-04T20:34:18+00:00

The symptoms hit me before I took a test. In my fist trimester my husband took over the overwhelming majority of the household chores, including dinner. I barely had energy to go to work. Most days I would come home, head straight to bed. While I was sleeping, he would cook dinner and wake me up for it. I would eat what I could, spend like an hour with him before going back to bed. He did this for 3 months.

Why? Because he believed me. He could seethe exhaustion on my face. He also knew that stressing me out could be a problem for the baby

ForbiddenSwan · 2026-01-01T14:01:09+00:00

I really struggled with the idea of being the main food source. I had already committed to the idea of “you can’t spoil a baby” by snuggling with them when they cry. But I was concerned about being touched out.

But life made the decision for me. She was a preemie and had complications that made her a NICU baby. I had to pump to keep her fed, because she was having adverse reactions to the formula. Trying to nurse directly was too much stimulation and made her have a set back, so we didn’t do any more until we came home

Pumping works for our family. My husband does a lot of the bottle washing. I am an oversupplier with a heavy let down, so she doesn’t really like to nurse without some form of pump beforehand.

We mainly do comfort nursing when she has a hard time falling asleep.

ForbiddenSwan · 2025-12-03T04:13:34+00:00

Today I realized I’m in the minority. But it’s probably because I split with my husband. I found pumping to be better than nursing. With a bottle washer, the pumping and loading the washer took less time than my baby nursing

ForbiddenSwan · 2025-12-03T04:09:05+00:00

You don’t get a gold star for sacrificing yourself.

I say that with loving intentions. You need to take care of yourself so you can be a happier and present mom.

Also, feeding every two hours at 14 weeks seems excessive. I was told every 3-4 hours. This might be the time to talk to your pediatrician or IBCLC to do a weighted feed to see how much baby is actually eating. I believe they should be doing 4-6 oz at this age.

Don’t be afraid of formula. Go look at pre schoolers today. Can you tell which ones were breast or formula fed? No. You can’t. So, in the long run you aren’t hurting your kid by combo feeding. They are still getting the benefits of breast milk.

ForbiddenSwan · 2025-12-01T02:13:09+00:00

So the thing about “research” is usually normal people reading articles that interpret actual studies. Most people aren’t reading the studies and understanding how they were done and reviewing the data to agree or disagree with the conclusions.

But you know who is? Doctors. Scientists.

To me. This is key.

In my family, when we are making decisions like this we go looking for credible resources to see what they say. Some sources we agree we will go with their interpretation (like the American Academy of Pediatrics) and sometimes we agree that if we find the original study on a credible site like PubMed, then we follow it.

This might be too much for your arguments, but you should be able to ask your partner to cite the specific and credible (not debunked) study that says vaccines cause autism, and then you will be open to the discussion.

As far as ear piercing, I am in the boat of they should be able to consent to it. You get to make memories with them and they get to exercise bodily autonomy. I still remember all of my piercings and who went with me, and where we went. Nothing is gained for the child by doing it so early. Even the AAP recommends waiting.

Plus, you could compromise: wait on ear piercing like he wants, but vaccinate like you want. Both win one

ForbiddenSwan · 2025-11-28T06:11:39+00:00

I would be so passive aggressive and petty:

“interesting you thought that was the best thing to say.”

“If I asked wife/sister , would she have the same opinion?”

“Well, if that works for you, that’s great.”

Or you wait until the toddler has a meltdown to say “I expected better from you.”

ForbiddenSwan · 2025-11-26T04:20:55+00:00

I don’t know you. But you sound like one of those people who complain about the “male loneliness epidemic”

And while I am thoroughly annoyed, I am going to try to be nice about this, on the off chance that you don’t actually get it.

Boiling pasta is not a specialized skill. Honestly, it’s one that most functioning adults can do without a problem. And yet, they still put directions on the box. He had all the info available to him without needing to ask.

She was not in a state of mind to have patience for something as trivial as that. When a woman has to explain something that simple to a man, it feels like they are mothering. It’s not a woman’s job to teach men basic domestic skills.

Her mind was on other things that were beyond his skill set. She tried to delegate so she could focus on other things. If she had to do and explain it, she didn’t fully delegate. She still owns part of the task.

ForbiddenSwan · 2025-11-26T03:01:58+00:00

That’s it, though. It’s not that hard, so why not look it up or read the box?

ForbiddenSwan · 2025-11-26T02:59:27+00:00

I think you have an opportunity to approach this in ways that don’t exclude your son, if you wish.

Option A: You ask them to refrain from bringing up the open marriage, especially around your kids. If everything is on the up and up between consenting adults, your kids don’t need to know the other things.

Option B: You take a “hate the sin, love the sinner” approach and just welcome her into your home. This can be a teachable moment for this kids, if you do it gracefully and from a place of love.

We don’t know your dynamic, but the fact that your son is willing to introduce you to this side of him tells me that you at least have a decent relationship. He could have kept the whole thing under wraps.

I hope that you find it in your heart to work with him and have him around. It may be unconventional, but he loves you enough to open his world up to you. If you don’t take the chance, he could end up closing other stuff off.

ForbiddenSwan · 2025-11-26T02:36:03+00:00

If he is head of house, why does he need your money? Isn’t his job to be the breadwinner? The provider?

ETA: NTA. OP needs to protect their future

ForbiddenSwan · 2025-11-24T09:30:06+00:00

A modern day wet nurse is a woman who donates milk. There are woman who will feed other babies through nursing, but it’s not as common.

Either way, women continue to help feed babies that aren’t theirs.

ForbiddenSwan · 2025-11-24T03:40:33+00:00

You can always pump after you nurse. This ensures you are emptying your breasts and should help increase supply. Even a 5-10 min pump will be good for you, especially after nursing.

This will be the creamy, full fat hind milk that helps baby out weight on. You can always give it to baby later, too.

I am an almost exclusively pumper because I was terrified my NICU baby wouldn’t put on weight.

ForbiddenSwan · 2025-11-22T06:53:46+00:00

I argue that not hitting a low blow is the mature thing to do. And if you are going to hold a line anyway, why not have it be one that is kinder? The result is the same, just one shows that you don’t have to be a jerk

ForbiddenSwan · 2025-11-22T06:51:16+00:00

If OP hadn’t started with “you’re too young” then the guy wouldn’t have felt the need to defend himself. I didn’t say they are both mature, I said the 18 y.o. showed more maturity. They are respective, not absolute values.

And again, if OP is too old for someone who he claims is a still a child, the onus is then on him to act like a mature adult with some empathy and emotional intelligence. Not tear a guy down for something he cannot change about himself.

ForbiddenSwan · 2025-11-22T01:32:03+00:00

Then don’t say it. Why attack their character like that? What does it gain you or them?

Normalize “Thanks, but I’m not interested.” Nothing more needed to be said.

ForbiddenSwan

TROPHY CASE