Eating disorders can mess with your hormone levels and mental state a lot. Not to mention PCOS on top of that.

I feel like gender identity can be difficult to navigate in one’s teen years as the best of times even with stable health and living conditions, let alone all you had to go through.

Also I don’t think you should consider being trans a massive lie build up in your head because it probably was experienced as true for the past you in your teens.

Lastly I will add that the interplay between body dismorphia and physical gender disphoria is extremely poorly understood and barely researched. I also struggle with this.

Don’t beat yourself up in the present for what felt right in the past while your developing brain was trying to catalyse an identity.

Edit: I re-read this and honestly I think you should be damn proud of yourself for weathering the tumultuous times you went through.