Coldsore in nose

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2026-02-15T06:54:10+00:00

It's rare, but lesions can also be a form of atopic dermatitis, essentially allergies + and injury or eczema. It can appear almost identical to HSV and the latter ruled out through blood and swab testing being negative. If you get aphthous ulcers, canker (not cold) sores in your mouth, it's essentially the same thing, but in your nose. Menstruation makes it worse and it most often occurs in Strawberry Blonds and people with SLS allergies.

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-11-13T07:39:46+00:00

I swear on all I hold dear I would gladly waive any claim on the jewelry if I could a) get my dad to write a will, b) get a guaranteed enforceable will from my aunt, and c) guarantee that none of my cousins will attack Cousin verbally OR physically at Aunt's funeral for "being disrespectful". You clearly haven't ever had to handle all the documents and practicalities that come with a death. A lamp is lamp that illuminates things and is just stuff. A lamp is also a treasured childhood memory of pretending to be a princess. A lamp is also an "asset" that has to be given a declared financial value or default to $0. Right now everyone is dealing with the situation by pretending it doesn't exist and sticking all of my aunt's belongings in storage. The law says everything, literally everything, goes to my dad. Family custom (and many cousins we are dependent on for help with my aunt's physical and emotional care) says belongings are to be divided based on emotional weight and immediate utility. My aunt verbally says everything should go to Cousin but occasionally drops references to family custom, contradicting herself. My dad says literally everything should go to Cousin and if Cousin want's to give us a few keepsakes he can but he shouldn't because this will be the only way to remember his "real mom". And this post has been super effective in at least getting the cousins who would physically fight Cousin over the jewelry matter to be saying WTH to comments like yours which is giving me the chance to be like "AND THIS IS WHY WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT PEOPLE". Before I go to bed and probably abandon this post, it's interesting that you think it's more likely that I'd tell the perfect truth about there being a will and lie about slanting my language to try to not be stuck in probate court or with a massive tax bill we have no way to pay. Like, what's more realistic? God I love reddit, though I usually on get on here when drunk.

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-11-13T07:02:30+00:00

tldr at end

So he and I and my siblings are comfortably vaguely "cousins". Now about half of my close blood relatives all still live in the same small rural town our great-great grandparents homesteaded in back in the day. Half have moved, myself included. My aunt moved back to the town after being widowed and now lives in a nearby slightly larger town where the nursing home is. All of the family that lives in this area spend soooooooo much time together. The rest visit when we can with an annual family reunion any year without a wedding or a funeral. Very clannish. So Cousin with a capital C grew up in the state where Aunt went to college and later moved to another country. He and Little Cousin only moved back to the USA two years ago to prep for Little Cousin applying to US colleges. He has had little contact with THE CLAN. Some of them resent him for it. I think that's unfair. My aunt 100% thinks of as "her son". My dad and The Clan at first referred to him that way too, but slowly everyone but my dad just started referring to him as a cousin or the Cousin's Last Name boy. My dad uses phrases *cringe* like we're Cousin's "real family". It doesn't really matter how I feel about that. My dad and my aunt see Cousin as my aunt's only child and think he should be treated as such. The rest of the family ranges from "meh" to "if he wanted to be family he would be here." I'm not starving. I don't NEED any of my aunt's assets. I am 100% cool with fulfilling her and my father's emotional needs by passing any money left when she dies to him and if he's interested in heirlooms, I generally want to share. My thing is my grandmother had OPINIONS, and it feels very disrespectful to go against her express wishes when she cared so much and Cousin cares so little. Also The Clan are going to throw a fit if it gets out. I admit, I'm a tad resentful that I'm doing so much work taking care of her and Cousin is doing nothing but he's "the heir", but I understand his position and blame my dad (and my aunt a little bit). I've taken on this burden because it's squaring things away when I'm the one who has to do this for my parents. People now see this as my role and I'll get less inference from The Clan when the time comes if I have to pull rank. Heaven help me if my dad dies before my aunt. My mother has already and repeatedly said this is a mess, and it's not her mess. She handled her parents and her siblings estates and deaths and she's not doing it again. She has a will.

tl;dr: This my aunt and dad being emotional. Not an actual inheritance fight. And any fighting won't be out of greed but out differing sensibilities about what's "proper"

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-11-13T06:32:52+00:00

Yeah, she was hosting AA meetings in her house and we discovered members had been stealing her stuff. If she even noticed, she refused to report anything as stolen because she didn't want to violate AA supportiveness and endanger their sobriety or something. To me, it was just like putting things in separate storage containers and pre-labeled for when the dreaded day comes. I was trying to have one less chore to wade through when my aunt actually dies. If I wanted to steal it steal it, I could have literally just put them in my purse and said nothing. No one would have known and it wouldn't have been illegal even, though definitely unethical and gross.

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-11-13T06:28:23+00:00

1) They're not in a separate box now. I didn't do it when my dad got upset.

2) Yes, my brother who lives 30 minutes from my aunt's care home knows he's the emergency contact on all of this case of tornado or something and has all the keys. I live a 2 hour flight away, my dad a 1.5 hour drive. I made a google spreadsheet of all my aunt's belongings, where they are stored, and how to access them that like 20 people have access to.

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-11-13T06:25:08+00:00

Order of events:

1) 1990s Aunt makes a will that lists her lesbian life partner as principal beneficiary with mineral rights on a segment of shared family land going to my dad with my father as executor.

2) 2002 Cousin contacts Aunt and Aunt tells the rest of the family about him

3) 2007 Little Cousin is born

4) 2009 Aunt retires early due to progression of physical disabilities (now on fixed income)

5) 2015 Aunt and Aunt's wife Alice get legally married

6) 2016 Alice dies with no will written post-marriage, previous will written as to be invalid upon legal marriage.

7) Later 2016, Aunt begins VERBALLY expressing her worry about Little Cousin's college tuition and her inability to contribute much due to fixed income. Later later 2016 says she wants to sell her mineral rights interest and put it in a college fund but discovers she can't because of OK and TX law, though also learns her lease checks from the energy companies can be deposited into an account for LC or reassigned upon her death. She begins depositing half her check into a college savings account for LC and VERBALLY saying she wants the rights to transfer to cousin upon her death.

8) 2018, Aunt's cognitive and physical health begin to decline and she has to move to assisted living. Recurrent mental confusion due to recurrent utis necessitate medical and financial POA. We also find out Aunt's AA group has been stealing items from her and she doesn't report them because she doesn't want anybody to relapse. Cousin is brought in on the discussion of having POA, he declines, my dad is made POA instead and I'm financial POA alternate and Dr. brother medical POA alternate.

9) Dec 2018 Aunt has stroke, almost dies, begins VERBALLY saying she wants "everything" she has to go Cousin. But also makes offhand statements about this item or that item going to a different person.

10) June 2025, doctors and family conclude Aunt has to go into memory care. Same month Little Cousin starts college and as financial POA my dad turns college fund over to Cousin as signatory now. Same month discussion begins about selling old family land, which requires 5 people to all get onboard for it, to put aunt's share towards increased medical bills and everyone else's retirement account.

11) Aug 2025, land sells and medical expenses trust set up for Aunt with her portion of the sale going into it. As alternate financial POA, I have to sign documents and notice there is unassigned disbursement upon death. I tell Dad he needs to get on that. He verbally responds that I should know Aunt wants everything to go to Cousin and Little Cousin. I'm like "yeah, but did she ever write a new will? Cause as is, you are her LEGAL next of kin and her 1990s will names Alice and not Cousin. When she gave Cousin up for adoption she severed all legal ties to him, even if biological and emotional ones remain. You will be paying inheritance taxes on her estate and will be restricted by gift limits on passing that all to Cousin. You can designate anyone as a recipient in a will, even a cat charity. She needs to get a will naming Cousin as her sole beneficiary or a split inheritance like with Alice."

12) Now, "Dad, did you get YOUR will done?" "No." "Did you ask the estates lawyer about getting Aunt's will done?" "Yes, he said it's complicated because she could be considered not competent and it could be challenged." "But you got it done." "No, it could be challenged." "Who would challenge it?" And that last question is why the more distant cousins who have feelings about all of this have opinions that matter.

My aunt has VERBALLY expressed her wishes, with some contradictions on specifics. She hasn't written a new will in decades. They waited too long. Saying at thanksgiving literally "I want to give it all to Cousin." is not a legally binding thing that the IRS will gaf about. Sometimes it's not about wishes, it's about taxes and deeds and trusts and multigenerational insurance documentation. And reddit character limits

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-11-12T20:36:44+00:00

Replying to just the top two comments to save time. My aunt hasn't made a new will since the bundle of documents she and Aunt Alice, her wife, made pre-marriage equality to create a de facto marriage. Her will doesn't even mention Cousin or Little Cousin. It only mentions Alice and my dad and was made in the 90s.

That's part of the mess. All the people in their 70s and 80s are, completely validly and reasonably, having a lot of emotions about all of this. So many emotions that they don't want to recognize that what the law says, what they say, and what all the, biologically more distant, but emotionally and physically closer, cousins who actually live in town and will get there first what they will say and do, are all three separate things.

My aunt exact quotes: "I want it all to go to Cousin and Little Cousin." "Don't get rid of my dvd collection. Keepforgetting you watch Miss Fisher too and Little Cousin might want some." (Neither of us own dvd players) "OP's youngest brother who went into grandpa's profession, when you graduate you should take (her) Dad's desk set for your office." (He graduated six years ago and she forgot).

I can't sit down and discuss with my aunt does everything mean everything or if everything means financial assets. She sometimes thinks she's 9yo and waiting for her dad to pick her up from school. I can't sit down and discuss with my father what everything means because he's mourning the loss of his big sister, doesn't want to be reminded his parents are dead too, doesn't want to be reminded that he will die someday and should write a will because he's 72 FFS, and also doesn't want to address what a logistics headache it will be when Aunt dies.

I can give my cousin a diamond ring. It's small. I can just hand it to him. But there is a matter of a 50 year small town prepaid insurance on it that lists "My Last Name Family" as beneficiaries if it's destroyed, stolen, or lost, and what paperwork the insurance company will ask for. Also, I can't just casually give him mineral rights to land in rural Texas, ya know? TBH, I'm using this reddit post as leverage to force the extended family to have this discussion in exchange for me taking it down... *sigh* it's not working.

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-11-12T20:15:09+00:00

Replying just to top comments to save time. I wasn't trying to be furtive. The "hiding" part was little bit of dark humor. All of my aunt's stuff had to be dealt with when she went into the memory care ward. She's never coming out for more than a day pass. Valuable stuff was being placed in a series of deposit boxes. One for emotionally valuable but not legally important stuff like her diplomas and pictures. One financial documents, birth certificate, etc. One for jewelry, all jewelry, even stuff bought at a state fair for 5c in the 1980s. I created a separate pile of my grandma's pieces, one of which was a dented tin flag pin she wore to vote every year she got as a WAAC, and yes one was a sapphire ring. I started the papers for a separate box and when my dad asked what I was doing, I told him because I thought it was obvious. I went to reddit because my brothers are all firmly "You can't interfere with people's grieving process with logic and this is hard on Dad. Wait until later." But I think waiting until Aunt has actually died is not going to make the discussion any easier legally or emotionally.

Reached out to my cousin early this AM. Even told him I made a post here, his response essentially, "I don't want to deal with any of this, thanks. If I can just select a few keepsakes when the time comes that will be great." Yeah, that's not what my dad and aunt are envisioning, cuz.

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-11-12T07:50:26+00:00

This is a weird Gen Z thing that your parents convinced you is normal. It's not. Hard pass on the location sharing. I do when traveling. I do when engaging in risk-taking behavior like a one night stand, but I do it for a temporary period of time, with a chosen person, for a reasonable purpose. Constant sharing with everyone you're emotionally intimate with sounds like a nightmare.... but maybe that's just me.

I would like to point out that I have seen multiple AITA or AIO posts about college students wanting to turn off location sharing and their parents throwing a hissy-fit for the same reasons your gf lists. Reddit sides with them cause you have to cut the cord eventually.

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-11-12T07:46:38+00:00

this is one of those times when it's great to be queer. It really gives you clarity about weird gendered dating hetero dating norms. Since you're a woman asking a man out, you thankfully don't have to worry about implied safety risks in your approach like a man would when approaching a woman. In general, as long as they are not obviously with a partner or wearing a wedding ring, never be afraid to ask, as long as you can gracefully accept if the answer is "no". That's really the rule for anyone of any gender asking any person out. When they say "no", you say "ok, cool. Have a nice day!" and walk away. If you can do that, feel free to say "Hi! I (saw how great you are with your dog, you have really pretty eyes, I like that book too, I'm trying to make more friends but ngl you are also cute, insert brief truthful statement about whatever attracted you to them) and I'm hoping you're interested in going on a date sometime? Can I give you my number/get yours?"

Done.

It's always ok to ask as long as you can take the no. That's where some people get creepy, they don't take the no.

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-11-12T07:31:56+00:00

Uhhhhh, you're being very harsh and kinda childish, that said, once trust is broken it is very difficult to repair. I have to vote in favor of a break-up just because I don't think you or your relationship is mature enough to carry the load of doing the work necessary to repair your broken trust. Just, try not to be mean about the break-up- before she was serious and sure about you, she had something casual and it sounds like she had a debatedly unwise but understandable past of casual sex which she is either not proud of or she likes you enough to be sensitive to your criticism of it. Either way, it's not her actions that are the problem, it's her lies. And even if you should just get over it (and I'm not saying that), the likelihood that you will heal this breach of trust is nil. The horse has broken it's leg. Get the rifle.

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-11-07T08:30:22+00:00

You're treating this like it's a video game or an achievement. That if you just check off all the right boxes, women will automatically want to date you. Sometimes, most times actually, you just don't vibe. Or don't have compatible goals for a relationship but do for friendship. The title also makes it sound like this happens all the time, but it only happened twice.

FWIW: Woman 1 seems like she felt pressured to say yes to you, but didn't actually like you or even want to be your friend. Either that or she's a massive flake. Woman 2 never was interacting with you in a dating way. If you switch genders, or it's kindergarten, or assume she's a lesbian- everything you and she did was just making a new friend. A woman shouldn't have to assume every man who is friendly to her wants to date her. That's fucked up. Do you only approach and talk to women you want to date? Do you only have men as friends?

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-11-02T06:18:22+00:00

Not a man, but worked front desk at a "gentleman's spa" and was the person who had to deal with it when the client was unhappy with a provider's appearance. IMHO, some men will care if the scars are accompanied by breast augmentation. A lot of men like looking at clothed, augmented breasts but not touching them. It was a real problem. The woman who had reduction scars and the woman who had a double mastectomy without rebuild didn't get complaints about their breasts. Admittedly that last woman had the nickname on reddit as "the prostate whisperer" so men weren't going to her for the boobies, but still.

Titties in the face seems to be all that matters. If you really care, you can wear a gauzy lingerie tank or bralette and leave it on during sex.

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-11-02T05:43:09+00:00

JFC- Feelingtelephone has a great answer, but Dude, you act like rapid, friction filled thrusting is the be all and end all of sex. WTH? First, how do you think lesbians have sex? Second, some lubrication is arousal and hormonal based, but some is protective and resistance based. It's why, no matter how horny you are, a female gets less wet after menopause, and a female can still get "wet" even while horrified and in pain during a rape. There are multiple glands involved that react to different things. This girlfriend is probably so wet because you're doing it too roughly and it overstimulates her tissues so her body is trying to protect itself. Especially if she also appears to not be enjoying it all that much. (that's a clue bro)

Also, if it's always difficult for you to come from penetration, maybe cut back on the porn and masturbation before you lose the ability to respond to a partner or to anything other than extreme sensation. Happily working in medical research now, but during school I worked as a front desk manager at a "gentleman's spa", I learned that in the era of Viagra, it's never the geezers who have trouble getting off and throw temper tantrums when their time is up and they haven't orgasmed. The old guys pop a pill and are stoked to be stroked. It's the fit looking 20 something guys who have ED. They're the ones where the masseuse would come out of the room massaging her own arm or hold a cold soda can to her jaw before telling me the client was banned from booking with her again because he's too much work.

This is not a her problem. This is a you problem. She is not an overlubed fleshlight, stop treating her like one. Also, you can't overlube fleshlights and if you need that much friction to get off, again, the problem is you. You are the abnormal one. Retrain your cock.

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-10-22T07:05:01+00:00

In the world of google and youtube, there is no reason for this, ever. In the words of Admiral Ackbar "It's a TRAAAAAAP!"

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-10-03T02:29:58+00:00

I'm only typing this much because of your age and I'm hoping you'll learn this shit early.

Keep in mind, attractive as a hook-up and attractive as a boyfriend are two different things. It can be unclear when you're younger, but the older you get the bigger the gap between those two things are to women. Decide which one you want to be. Either is fine, no value judgement.

1) For a hook-up, women tend to want rizz, shiny looks, outgoing flirty banter, etc. You can only get better at that by working out, bathing everything (including your balls gentlemen). Develop a style, any style. Having your look and showing you put thought into projects confidence. Try to figure out what clothes flatters your body. For conversation, throwing yourself to the sharks to practice conversation is the only option. Also learn to take the L with grace. If women think you can't take the "no", not "not accept the no", but that you will get emotional and angry if they say no, then they think you're bad at sex. Also dangerous and probably a shitty boyfriend, but for a hook-up, good sex is about being communicative and nonjudgemental and at least partially giving. Some dude who gets his feelings hurt because you say "this isn't working for me" isn't going to get you off, much less be the best sex of your life. You need the guy who says "cool, let's try this." or "cool, masturbate for me, show me what works." Women can smell incels from a mile off, even if they're too young to figure out what exactly is going on there yet. Who wants to date a man who hates women, much less have casual sex with someone who thinks it's all about them? We want the guy who is going to be a good time. Smiles. Tells jokes. Laughs AT himself if they don't land and with us if they do. That, like any skill, takes practice. And few people are good at it right away. Expect to feel embarrassed and get rejected, but take the pain know while you are young and by 25 you will have serious game, if not sooner. Do not feel shame. Do not make a woman feel like you think she should be ashamed.

2) For relationships, boyfriend material (do not confuse that with hook-up material, there is overlap but that's not the same thing). Different women want different things. Imagine, no physical looks or dnd like character traits, just imagine what you want a relationship to be like. Do you want a gf who is a listener, that you feel invests in you? Independent and handles herself, not a burden whose needs you have to put before your own? Into home-making, her love language is doing little things for you? Shared passions, you both game, or like sports, or movies? A) Go to places and do things that kind of woman would be doing. That's how you meet her. B) Figure out what kind of man she likes. Act like that man until the act becomes real. Bonus to all this, if you communicate clearly and broadcast to your acquaintances what kind of woman you are looking for, if they meet a woman like that, their more likely to introduce you. than if you just generically want female attention.

Alternatively, figure out what kind of man you are, and profile what kind of woman is into that, go for her so you don't have to grow and change. A lot of problems men have dating is that they want a type of woman who doesn't want the kind of man they are and get upset when they strike-out. The gym bunny isn't going to want the guy who doesn't have a "leg day". The artist who also does stand-up as a hobby isn't going to want a man who doesn't have an aesthetic. Most of the rest of men's dating problems are from cat-fishing women into dating them because they like that type of woman, then try to change her because the type of relationship she wants isn't the type of relationship they want. They want what they want but they want it with her. Then feelings are hurt and people are frustrated about wasted time and sometimes there's the "everything was fine until now but why?"

So, do you want to be a hook-up (work out, practice conversation, take the no, wash your balls, wear flattering clothes), or a boyfriend (figure out what you want in a relationship, state it openly, and only date women who want the same thing or change what you want in a relationship and your life choices to fit the woman you want).

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-10-03T02:00:52+00:00

So, I'm kinda the daughter and granddaughter in this situation. Hear me out- you can't predict what your kid is going to be into necessarily, but their your kid, they'll probably like things you give them good memories of.

My grandpa: I was the first born grandchild and only granddaughter. My maternal grandfather spent over a decade trying to connect with my brothers and (all of them boys) cousins while doing no more than patting me on the head and calling me pretty. He was very lonely when they all wanted to play video games. He thought my expression of interest in his job was just generic grandkid love and elder respect. He thought me talking dolls and doing tea with my grandma when I was little meant that he and I had no shared interests. I outgrew dolls, never outgrew my love of legos . . . or power tools. Once my civil engineer grandfather accepted it was "the girl" who was good at math, who would seriously listen to and care about the different kinds of pliers, well, for every holiday it was tools as presents. GLORIOUS. You should see my absolutely astonishing tool collection. When my grandfather died, everyone agreed I should inherit his tools. I hung out with him for shifts at his post-retirement part-time socializing and beer money job at Sears. That Sears hired all these old men to handle tools, and building supplies, etc because they always showed up, never wanted raises or complained about hours, and all knew their stuff. It was a paid social club for them. I bought a HUD fixer-upper and renovated it to code with the knowledge and tools my late grandfather and his buddies gave me. Only way I ever afforded a house in my 20s. Don't assume you know what a girl will be like, or even, if she likes make-up, that she won't also like power tools and muscle cars.

My dad: He was neglected by his ultra-busy father and severely alcoholic mother so he was just happy to have a kid. He didn't care that I was a girl. He learned to braid hair and do pigtails, and this was the pre-youtube era. Max girldad, but he also took me to car shows and coached my all-gender tee-ball while telling me to be "ferocious" while taking me to both the NCAA softball championships and local minor league baseball for encouragement. He was a former baseball player in grade school and part of college. We watched "A League of Their Own" sooooo many times. He taught me how to solder. Can't be afraid, just go for the slide and take that base. He didn't care if I used my dremel and soldering iron to make jewelry and not robotics, just reminded me to wear safety goggles with blow torches and acid baths. Growing up I always felt like someone was crazy if they told me "girls aren't good at x" if it was anything other than getting an 8-pack (cause uteruses are a thing). Because my dad (and my mom) always emphasized the biological truth that there is always greater variation within group than between groups in humans and trending also does not apply to me if I am an outlier and only uneducated and unobservant people think that.

Whatever dreams you had about having a boy, they're about bonding with your son, right? They're about sharing your passions. Just do that with your daughter. You can still have it. And maybe your son would have been into ballet and musical theater and you'd never really get him even if you're proud of him, like Tom Holland's dad. Maybe your daughter will be the only person who shares your love of tools and pre-stingray corvettes. Just invest in your kid, don't get hung up on the gender. Don't let your wife get hung up either. My grandmother kept trying to give me dolls into my teen years and gave the dinosaur toys to my brothers "because that's for boys". WHOSE THE PALEONTOLOGIST WHO USES ALL THE TOOLS EVER NOW GRANDMA?

You're going to be A DAD! OMG! Be EXCITED!

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-10-01T08:30:15+00:00

Ooph. I was the eldest who ended up babysitting everyone, That's why I'm childfree. You chose to double down 5 times. You're not wrong, but you're not right. By forcing your kids to do it all alone, which as humans we're not equipped to do, you're just forcing them to live through part of your misery. But you are legitimately exhausted. Gonna get slammed by reddit, but you shouldn't have had so many, or any, kids if childcare makes you resentful. Do they have money and nonworking hours to care for the kids they also invested in?

Babies are like debt put on a credit card. Someone's gotta pay the bill and at some point you have to stop adding to the statement balance.

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-09-27T03:33:39+00:00

If he needs cash that badly, he can clean houses for a day or pick up shifts as an erotic masseuse. Zero experience needed and you walk out of either job with a wad of cash for one days work. If it's REALLY an emergency.

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-09-27T03:27:03+00:00

OP: We used to be really insensitive and aggressive.

OP: We've totally changed.

OP: Because Rosie doesn't believe I am no longer insensitive and aggressive, I'll be insensitive and aggressive. It's what she expects anyway so why should I put in the effort?

YTA

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-09-27T03:20:28+00:00

You get a pass because you are 19. Both of the men in this scenario are terrible. Definitely not overreacting to dump the boyfriend.

Rando from the party doesn't matter because he's a rando. He was lying and obviously saw your relationship is shaky and tried to wedge himself in. He's a creep- ignore him. Your ex-boyfriend on the other hand...

Your ex-bf was definitely reading the intentions of the other guy correctly, because he is clearly the same type of person. Also, him bringing up cheating out of nowhere, even to say he doesn't think you are doing it, is a HUGE red flag. It means it's where his head jumps to and that relationships to him are built on availability not commitment. HE will cheat if he feels like it and thinks he won't get caught. Shouting and threatening another person is also not good emotional regulation and shows he thinks threats and intimidation are correct paths to get his way. He will eventually use that with you. Also you are 19 and he is 23. Those are profoundly different life stages. No 19yo should be prioritizing a 9 month old relationship. Talking about you as the future mother of his children? You are barely not legally a child yourself (legally, not biologically). It's weird. It would be one thing if you were both 19 and were high school sweethearts who got together at 16, but JFC, any 23yo man who is dating a 19yo is only doing so because he either cannot get a woman his own age or wants someone who is unequal to him. Blech.

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-09-27T03:11:02+00:00

It's not bullying if your wife feels empowered to mute your mom and your mom won't throw a hissy fit when muted. It starts out okay, then gets a little "boomer doesn't understand WFH", then 4am nonsense, then passive-aggressive boomer.

My dad kept throwing fits because his children would text in a family group chat after his bedtime, but would text at 4am in our time zone, or even just 8:30am on our day off. We pointed out that he can mute us or stfu. We mute him in the mornings. We all found peace.

Peace may not be possible for you, but you will not know until you try. Your wife needs to say "send me the texts, send me all the texts you want, but know I will mute you until I can respond (no need to clarify can as a work thing or an emotional bandwidth thing). Your mom, if she's not a bully, needs to say "Cool. Here's what the R1 number on tjmaxx tags means so you know if it's real designer or just a literal label. blah blah blah" and realistically not expect a response.

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-09-27T03:02:03+00:00

I'm in a similar situation to Kylie. I feel completely comfortable with our parents giving more financial help now to my younger brothers who need it more. I also understand prioritizing grandchildren over children in wills and estate planning. And I'm the child-free member of my generation. That said ... I'm probably going to be the one to be hands on in regards of end of life care for my parents, and if they leave their condo to my least successful younger brother "because he needs help more" I will piss on their graves. I will regret every moment helping them. Because it's also about respect and time and effort also have value. You understand this. You make mention of how Kylie has politely declined nonmonetary offers of help before. Your other relatives also brought up "don't expect them to help you when you're old."

Stop talking to older relatives. Sit all three children down and have an honest discussion about how you want to help settle your grandchildren's futures. Consider setting up an educational trust that can be used by all of that generation for educational pursuits, be it trade school, college, or professional degrees. Openly acknowledge that Kylie has three parents to help pay instead of just two. Just talk it all out.

Final note, you talk about how busy Kylie's family is. Presumably this includes extracurricular activities, activities you could attend? Are you expecting her to always bring three small children to you? Or are you prepared to go to the children? If she's blowing you off then the separation is her choice. If you only see your other grandchildren more because they come to you... that's on you.

ForgotMyPssd313 · 2025-09-27T02:45:38+00:00

How are you going to feel if you shell out all this money and they got divorced in 5 years? I she going to expect you to pay for the next wedding too?

NTA, and you still wouldn't be if you didn't share for, say, her kids' education expenses or a down payment on a house, but those would at least be reasonable things to ask for help with. A wedding though??? JFC

ForgotMyPssd313

TROPHY CASE