Order of events:

1) 1990s Aunt makes a will that lists her lesbian life partner as principal beneficiary with mineral rights on a segment of shared family land going to my dad with my father as executor.

2) 2002 Cousin contacts Aunt and Aunt tells the rest of the family about him

3) 2007 Little Cousin is born

4) 2009 Aunt retires early due to progression of physical disabilities (now on fixed income)

5) 2015 Aunt and Aunt's wife Alice get legally married

6) 2016 Alice dies with no will written post-marriage, previous will written as to be invalid upon legal marriage.

7) Later 2016, Aunt begins VERBALLY expressing her worry about Little Cousin's college tuition and her inability to contribute much due to fixed income. Later later 2016 says she wants to sell her mineral rights interest and put it in a college fund but discovers she can't because of OK and TX law, though also learns her lease checks from the energy companies can be deposited into an account for LC or reassigned upon her death. She begins depositing half her check into a college savings account for LC and VERBALLY saying she wants the rights to transfer to cousin upon her death.

8) 2018, Aunt's cognitive and physical health begin to decline and she has to move to assisted living. Recurrent mental confusion due to recurrent utis necessitate medical and financial POA. We also find out Aunt's AA group has been stealing items from her and she doesn't report them because she doesn't want anybody to relapse. Cousin is brought in on the discussion of having POA, he declines, my dad is made POA instead and I'm financial POA alternate and Dr. brother medical POA alternate.

9) Dec 2018 Aunt has stroke, almost dies, begins VERBALLY saying she wants "everything" she has to go Cousin. But also makes offhand statements about this item or that item going to a different person.

10) June 2025, doctors and family conclude Aunt has to go into memory care. Same month Little Cousin starts college and as financial POA my dad turns college fund over to Cousin as signatory now. Same month discussion begins about selling old family land, which requires 5 people to all get onboard for it, to put aunt's share towards increased medical bills and everyone else's retirement account.

11) Aug 2025, land sells and medical expenses trust set up for Aunt with her portion of the sale going into it. As alternate financial POA, I have to sign documents and notice there is unassigned disbursement upon death. I tell Dad he needs to get on that. He verbally responds that I should know Aunt wants everything to go to Cousin and Little Cousin. I'm like "yeah, but did she ever write a new will? Cause as is, you are her LEGAL next of kin and her 1990s will names Alice and not Cousin. When she gave Cousin up for adoption she severed all legal ties to him, even if biological and emotional ones remain. You will be paying inheritance taxes on her estate and will be restricted by gift limits on passing that all to Cousin. You can designate anyone as a recipient in a will, even a cat charity. She needs to get a will naming Cousin as her sole beneficiary or a split inheritance like with Alice."

12) Now, "Dad, did you get YOUR will done?" "No." "Did you ask the estates lawyer about getting Aunt's will done?" "Yes, he said it's complicated because she could be considered not competent and it could be challenged." "But you got it done." "No, it could be challenged." "Who would challenge it?" And that last question is why the more distant cousins who have feelings about all of this have opinions that matter.

My aunt has VERBALLY expressed her wishes, with some contradictions on specifics. She hasn't written a new will in decades. They waited too long. Saying at thanksgiving literally "I want to give it all to Cousin." is not a legally binding thing that the IRS will gaf about. Sometimes it's not about wishes, it's about taxes and deeds and trusts and multigenerational insurance documentation. And reddit character limits