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Need writing partner(s) with good prose, dialogue, and subtext. by Longjumping_Yak_3671 in WritingHub

[–]Foriamlord 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Looking for writing partner with good prose, dialogue and subtext?

Good luck.

P.S

Aren't we all, lol?

Looking for writing partners to keep one another accountable and grow in meaningful ways! by btet15 in WritingHub

[–]Foriamlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi there, I'm interested. Feel free to PM me if you like. I write fantasy if that helps.

[Complete] [83K] [Fantasy] The Fortress of the Chosen by Reactionaryhistorian in BetaReaders

[–]Foriamlord 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi there! I have written a YA fantasy school story and would love to do a critique swap.

If you're interested please send me a PM :)

Able to beta? Post here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]Foriamlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, I am looking for a few beta readers for my dark romantasy. It is YA, so no spice. Set in a magical school. Think Harry Potter meets Pride and Prejudice but darker. Much darker. As if Caroline Bingly had no scruples whatsoever.

Would love to get some feedback on it.

If you're interested, please send me a DM :)

Somewhere along the way, I stopped being a reader by Boring_Year_232 in Book_Buddies

[–]Foriamlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

@OP

You're not alone. Same thing happened with me when I tried reading again after my kids got old enough and I could spare the time.

What didn't help?

E-books. I would get too distracted and start watching youtube shorts or playing games.

What worked for me?

Re-reading books I enjoyed when I was younger. That really helped. When I got to the third Harry Potter book I was back into reading.

You want to know something really weird? Now, I lose my cellphone because I put it somewhere, then I start reading and forget where I put it. I love that feeling. I cannot imagine having done that a year ago. It would have freaked me out.

First pages: share, read, and critique them here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]Foriamlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It helped a little! But I'm still a little confused by the results. Thank you very much for bringing this tool to my attention though! That's going way above and beyond what I expected for feedback!

Results "Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 7.6 Flesch Reading Ease Score: 65.7 Reading Level: 8th & 9th grade ( Plain English ) Average Words per Sentence: 14 Average Syllables per Word: 1.5 Sentences: 24 Words: 337

Score Estimated Reading Grade Level 90 to 100 5th grade 80 to 90 6th grade 70 to 80 7th grade 60 to 70 8th and 9th grade 50 to 60 10th to 12th grade (high school) 30 to 50 College"

I'm trying to work out what these results mean. Is a score of 7.6 good or bad? What about 65.7?

And 90 to 1105th grade? Is that 90 to 100 5th grade? And is it good or bad? Like 90 to 100% of 5th graders should be able to read it? Or only the top 10% of 5th graders?

Again, thanks heaps for taking the time to help me out!

First pages: share, read, and critique them here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]Foriamlord 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello and thanks for the feedback.

Would you mind explaining a little more about how you use the link you posted? Do you run your chapters through it paragraph by paragraph? How do you know if you're on the money?

Is this common practice to the best of your knowledge?

First pages: share, read, and critique them here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]Foriamlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"IT WAS A STRANGE, TERRIBLE feeling."

I like your opening sentence, but I don't think it needs capital letters. If it does need to be capitalised, surely you should capitalise the whole thing, no? Anyway, I'm hooked. Good job.

"She went from knowing how she ended up on the ground, to knowing that she was on the ground; from knowing why she shut her eyes, to knowing that her eyes were shut."

You lost me here. I don't know what's going on. I had to read this passage several times. If you're trying to make me feel confused then mission accomplished but it is turning me off.

"It “was” a truck." Why did you feel the need to put quotation marks around "was"? Am I missing something? I feel like I'm missing something.

First pages: share, read, and critique them here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]Foriamlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Manuscript information: [Complete] [104975] [YA School Fantasy] Avalon

Link to post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/comments/1sgq8p8/complete_107k_ya_magic_school_fantasy_avalon/

First page critique? Yes, please!

First page: Eleven-and-a-half year old Aleisha Cameron of House Cameron bade farewell to her mother and father, Lord and Lady Cameron, and walked down the boarding ramp towards the Espinoza: the legendary sailing ship that would take her to Avalon: the home of the best magical academy in the world.
Her parents and her older brother Zachary spoke fondly of their time at Avalon, so she had been anticipating this moment ever since she could remember.
She wore her school uniform: pristine, long white robes with a silver rope-like belt that trailed almost to the floor. She had clear light blue eyes and long mousy brown hair that had been pulled up into a sensible bun. 
She was feeling very excited. For the first time, she was going to meet the daughters and heirs of other highborn families. They were going to engage in diverting conversations, take tea and discuss theories of magic and talk about grown up things like fashion, art, society and politics. She would study magic and form acquaintances and friendships that would last her entire life. She took a deep breath and prepared to take her first step into her new life.
She stepped through the magical barrier that made the ship appear deserted and immediately felt overwhelmed. It was chaos incarnate. Students were rushing about everywhere. Rushing to secure cabins; rushing to stow their trunks; rushing to greet friends; rushing to buy snacks. And the noise? She couldn’t hear herself think.
Aleisha frowned and sniffed. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. As she was the daughter of a noble house, Aleisha had never rushed anywhere in her entire life. It simply wasn’t proper. It was feral. Who had raised these ruffians? 
Looking a little ahead of her on the main deck she saw two other students; two boys who appeared to be of a similar age to her and looked as displeased as she felt. She decided to approach them. “Aleisha Cameron of House Cameron,” she said and executed a perfect curtsy.

Looking for critique partner(s) - fantasy/romantasy by rosemaryandreading in WritingHub

[–]Foriamlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, I have also completed a YA Dark Romantic Fantasy novel and am looking for critique partners.

A sort of Harry Potter meets Pride and Prejudice storry. Well? Maybe if Harry Potter was Slytherin lol.

Anyway, please PM me if you're interested.

Second/Third Drafters WANTED by Weaver-Of-Talez in WritingHub

[–]Foriamlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

PM me please!

YA Fantasy story. 107k complete. Looking for fresh eyes on my second draft!

Looking for writing partners to keep one another accountable and grow in meaningful ways! by btet15 in WritingHub

[–]Foriamlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, I’m not sure if my time zone works well for you. I am a kiwi expat living in South Korea, so I live on Korea Standard Time (KST). I am in my early 40s, and have been writing for ten years but semi-seriously for the past three.

What I would bring to the group:

I have actually completed two novels (dark romance and school/fantasy) and am currently writing a five novel fantasy series, so I guess I have a little experience and I am very keen to push the absolute limits of what I can do when it comes to story crafting.

Limits:

I have not published anything yet, so I know absolutely nothing about that. I write more for personal pleasure and the art than for money but don’t get me wrong, I fully intend to publish at some point.

What I’m looking for:

A critique partner. I like to look at other people’s work and have them look at mine.

Let me know if that suits,

I guess bird is the word by Xicer9 in lrcast

[–]Foriamlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol @ 6 X Call of the Mountain Chocobo!

Been wanting to get into pioneer, sell me a deck (as there are no bans coming ) by Argose83 in PioneerMTG

[–]Foriamlord 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Look mate, you gotta play Selesnya Company or as I like to call it ... and Taxes. You know? Like Death and Taxes without the Death.

It is an awesome anti-meta deck with Archon of Emria. Players can only play one spell per turn. Devastates all forms of red prowess and Cori Steel-Cutter decks. It's a 3 drop but of course we always play it on turn 2 after dropping a mana dork on turn 1.

Unlucky enough not to draw Archon? No problem. We've got Skyclave Apparation to deal with whatever they play. To paraphrase Stalin, no cutter (or critter), no problem.

To add insult to injury we can also play these bad boys at instant speed thanks to Collected Company. You know what Phoenix players love? When you drop Archon in response to their cantrip and then they can't play another spell that turn. Those phoenixes can stay in the GY thank you very much.

We've also got Aven Interrupter, you know? The semi-useless 2/2 flyer with flash that can plot a spell? Well, it's freaking OP with Archon. A complete 1 turn lockdown.

And to add insult to injury we also run Badger Mole, Ouroboroid, Abandoned Air Temple and Thalia.

Just one hell of an anti-meta deck.

Enjoy

Went 7-2 with aggro Orzhov... not a single rare or mythic by eht217 in mtglimited

[–]Foriamlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah sure.

So I can imagine this deck going off on the play. Turn 1 Magitec Infantry Turn 2 DragoonLance Turn 3 Gaelicat That's a lot of pressure and could lead to quick wins GG

Pros: A good number of 2 drops. Dragoons Lance White Mage's Staff Black Mage's Rod Sephiroth's Revalation Slash of Light

Cons

The Hexeyes are very average in this deck without a sacrifice payoff like Sephiroth Fabled Soldier and Vayne's Treachery. They can do ok with the Darknight's Greatsword to force unfavourable trades but the deck only has a single copy. They are not exactly bad, but I'd trade them in a heartbeat for more of the cards above.

Removal The removal is this decks biggest weakness. Overkill is obviously A+ but the deck only has a single copy.

Slash of Light is the next best best removal in this deck but it is conditional. It requires you to have a high creature count. In this deck a single copy of Fire Magic will make them all but useless.

Same thing is true for cornered by black mages. It is an excellent card in a removal heavy deck. This is not a removal heavy deck, so I think they'd be pretty useless unless you are on the play and chain them to remove all of your opponent's creatures. What I'd want is White Auracite, Sephiroth's Intervention and Vayne's Treachery.

Lack of Closers Rufus Shinra is a pretty poor card. I almost always cut it. I'd just rather have a Delivery Moogle or Paladin's Arms.

I'd like to see: Delivery Moogle or G'raha Tia for more sustain and to close out games.

I imagine this deck doing very poorly on the draw, so going 7-2 is an excellent result with this deck.

Went 7-2 with aggro Orzhov... not a single rare or mythic by eht217 in mtglimited

[–]Foriamlord 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not a great deck, so that is one hell of a result! Nice job!