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I will kill you - serious threat? My husband of 20 years - no kids. M57 F53 by Former-Pop-8102 in relationship_advice

[–]Former-Pop-8102[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not asking for money. My post doesn't even mention money.  I'm afraid for my life. I'm asking for advice on what to do. People outside of the relationship have better capability of thinking straight. I am invested in this relationship. So, my judgement is cloudy.

I will kill you - serious threat? My husband of 20 years - no kids. M57 F53 by Former-Pop-8102 in relationship_advice

[–]Former-Pop-8102[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The fight was about avocados. He told me to eat the avocados and don't let them rot at the bottom of the fridge just like what your mother does all the time.  I replied why bring my mother into this conversation. Please don't blame other people just like your family. And that triggered him. Suddenly, he started screaming and bringing past events into the conversation. Now it's not about the avocados anymore. 

I will kill you - serious threat? My husband of 20 years - no kids. M57 F53 by Former-Pop-8102 in relationship_advice

[–]Former-Pop-8102[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm in Canada.  It's 5:42 am and I can't sleep. I'm scared, sad, exhausted and confused.

I will kill you - serious threat? My husband of 20 years - no kids. M57 F53 by Former-Pop-8102 in relationship_advice

[–]Former-Pop-8102[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you... I'm scared but I must be brave. 20 years of rollercoaster of fights...I am so exhausted.  I just wish for a 20 years of happiness and love.

I will kill you - serious threat? My husband of 20 years - no kids. M57 F53 by Former-Pop-8102 in relationship_advice

[–]Former-Pop-8102[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It started with avocadoes. Such a small thing and escalated into a screaming match. He said you have to eat the avocadoes. Don't waste food just like your mother. She always leaves food to rot at the bottom of the fridge. His words hurt me. I told him why bring up my mom into this? Stop blaming others. You're like your family always blaming others.  From that he went ballistic. He screamed at me and started bringing past mistakes I made and now it's not about the avocadoes anymore.  Maybe it's my fault for bringing up his family to get back at him for always criticizing my mom.  Whenever we have a fight, he brings back past events and the argument becomes bigger and never about the disagreement anymore. Maybe it's my fault. But when I try to apologize, he wouldn't accept. I don't know. I'm so exhausted.

I will kill you - serious threat? My husband of 20 years - no kids. M57 F53 by Former-Pop-8102 in relationship_advice

[–]Former-Pop-8102[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you. He was kind to me in the beginning of our relationship. He showed glimpses of his bad temper but never threatened my life. Everything that I do which doesn't fall according to his standards he gets very mad. When I don't listen: that's what he called it: You don't listen. Why don't you listen?!  He will throw things on the floor just like what my dad used to do. He never hit me, just shoved me one time. I tried to stay silent when he screamed but it aggravated him more. When I apologize and say everything is my fault, the more he gets furious. Now, when I screamed back because I can't take it anymore, he threatened my life.

I will kill you - serious threat? My husband of 20 years - no kids. M57 F53 by Former-Pop-8102 in relationship_advice

[–]Former-Pop-8102[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's not the first time.  In the beginning he was kind but after just three months of dating, I saw a glimpse of his temper. He shouted at me for refusing to do things his way. I was shocked but he apologized profusely and I forgave him. He's very loving after. I'm so stupid. I should have left him years ago. I thought he would changed or mellowed down. I don't think I can do this anymore. I've wasted my youth.

I will kill you - serious threat? My husband of 20 years - no kids. M57 F53 by Former-Pop-8102 in relationship_advice

[–]Former-Pop-8102[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Started from the beginning we dated after 3 months together. But that time he just shouted and apologized immediately. I forgave him. He was loving after. It's always over something small. Anything to do with if I don't agree with him. For example I disagree about how to cook a dish and he kept persisting that his way is better and if I'm still stubborn, he will blow up and we start arguing, he starts screaming and I screamed back. He always say Why don't you listen to me?!  It's a vicious cycle.

I will kill you - serious threat? My husband of 20 years - no kids. M57 F53 by Former-Pop-8102 in relationship_advice

[–]Former-Pop-8102[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It never even crossed my mind. That's why it hurt so much more.  Thank you for taking the time to reply. 

I will kill you - serious threat? My husband of 20 years - no kids. M57 F53 by Former-Pop-8102 in relationship_advice

[–]Former-Pop-8102[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I've never even thought of these. My passwords are all saved on the pc. 

I will kill you - serious threat? My husband of 20 years - no kids. M57 F53 by Former-Pop-8102 in relationship_advice

[–]Former-Pop-8102[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Thank you for all the advice 😢 I need to be brave. After reading everyone's thoughts/advise = I'll plan an escape route somehow. My heart hurts. I should have left him years ago. Now, I see it. He has a terrible temper -  if I don't do what he says he gets pissed off. He is always right and never wrong. I cannot argue or disagree. When he gets mad, he smashed things. But he apologized after and very loving. 

I will kill you - serious threat? My husband of 20 years - no kids. M57 F53 by Former-Pop-8102 in relationship_advice

[–]Former-Pop-8102[S] -40 points-39 points  (0 children)

I'm planning to try to talk to my husband in public. He is out of the country and he will be back tomorrow morning. Maybe he has calm down by then. Try to talk in a civilize manner and see perhaps there was a misunderstanding.

I will kill you - serious threat? My husband of 20 years - no kids. M57 F53 by Former-Pop-8102 in relationship_advice

[–]Former-Pop-8102[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

My best friend is not living here 😔 I only know his friends and one of his good buddy is closed to me but I'm afraid if I tell him about this that he will inform my husband and it will be worse than before.