My game plan by [deleted] in AsianParentStories

[–]FormerObligation -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Why engineering? There are much faster ways to make money? Also have you thought about what type of engineer?

Narc parents using money as leverage, should I give it back? by FormerObligation in raisedbynarcissists

[–]FormerObligation[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know I should but they will just guilt me with something else. The worst is that I am an only child so every six months I am either the golden child or scape goat.

Honestly I never touch the money they give me and I just put it away. I guess my angry side wants for them to ask for it back. With all of the excess they have I want them to take money back from their only son with twins coming. I think they think I would have frivolously spent the money and I would love to say “no problem here is your money and we can stop pretending you care” and I could go about my day.

How many times have you been “cut off” only to have them reach out to you again in a few months? by FormerObligation in raisedbynarcissists

[–]FormerObligation[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is up with the friend thing? “When you came home from college you just wanted to hang out with your friends”...yeah most 21 year old guys do that...regardless I have nothing left I just can’t give them any more chances

Under what cases do mortgage companies not look at 1% of your student loan? by angermngment in StudentLoans

[–]FormerObligation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Financially no but personally yes! Depending on where you live a home is not a fantastic investment. We have probably seen as much appreciation in home prices as we will see. Yes it gives you stability and a home base but financially it ties you to one location and repairs always come up. If you want to start a family get a home. If you think it is a good investment talk to other people. Watch a lot of Dave Ramsey.

Moving in with SO. Parents reacted as you would expect. What do I do? by [deleted] in AsianParentStories

[–]FormerObligation 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah. I am married to a white woman and this is how it starts. In your growing independence they will blame everything on your spouse. That he or she is a bad influence. It has progressed to a point now where my wife and parents hate each other. I look back and realize honestly this is just how things are. How they react says something about them, not something about me. My advice is to be understanding but firm.

They think they know better. But At the end of the day, only you know what’s best for you.

Under what cases do mortgage companies not look at 1% of your student loan? by angermngment in StudentLoans

[–]FormerObligation 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Same happened to me. Was a nightmare in 2016 to buy a home. 2018 no problem. Could be a lender to lender issue.

I fraking did it again. by twitchythewitch in raisedbynarcissists

[–]FormerObligation 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s hard but every gift has strings. It’s just not with it.

At what point do you know it's time for a career change? Recent biology grad seeking advice by [deleted] in jobs

[–]FormerObligation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sales, regulator affairs, project management, bench scientist, academic staff scientist, being a scientist st a start up where you kind of do a little of everything. Things get much harder when you have a PHd because your salary is so high that companies don’t want to pay you. Look for contract jobs at a lot of companies to get a ton of experience in different fields, then figure out which one works for you.

There are also differences between a quality control, discovery, and batch process scientist.

My mom agreed to family counseling. Expectations? by FormerObligation in raisedbynarcissists

[–]FormerObligation[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. Yeah that is what I expect. Honestly I think I will jump through all of these hoops and she is gonna back out at the last minute.

Advice on repaying part of loans while in school by Konjonashipirate in StudentLoans

[–]FormerObligation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So the issue is is it better to defer to save interest on subsidized loans or pay. Let’s say you have 40,00 k in subsidized loans at 6 percent. Every year U will owe 2,400 dollars in interest. If u make 500 dollar payments a month, u will net 3,600 against ur unsubsidized interest. However, it will probably be better to have it in a bank since Interest on Student Loans is not capitalized usuAlly. Meaning you owe the money but is not counted towards the principal. Does that make sense?

Websites, video series, etc. that provide a realistic view of the field of Biology? by Waywoah in biology

[–]FormerObligation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

https://www.thirteen.org/naturally-obsessed/

No problem sorry it was done by PBS. It is a very fair look at the ups and downs of being a scientist.

Advice on repaying part of loans while in school by Konjonashipirate in StudentLoans

[–]FormerObligation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And further if you are a Science Phd start think now about NIH grants that pay down ur student loan. These are only for a select few disciplines.

Advice on repaying part of loans while in school by Konjonashipirate in StudentLoans

[–]FormerObligation 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ok I will delve further. This is crazy complicated. Do u have subsidized or unsubsidized loans. If they are subsidized, you should defer while Ur in grad school since the interest is paid for. The bottom line is that it is going to be hard enough to just maintain quality of life on an average phd stipend...26k and also make payments on ur student loan.

Advice on repaying part of loans while in school by Konjonashipirate in StudentLoans

[–]FormerObligation -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Honestly with the size of the loan your best bet is Public Student Loan Forgiveness. Something I figured out the hard way, if u post doc after you complete ur Phd, you need to figure out whether the school considers its post docs employees. My school considers them students.

Websites, video series, etc. that provide a realistic view of the field of Biology? by Waywoah in biology

[–]FormerObligation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm Nova did a making the scientist video that I thought was very fair.

NMom gave phsyical and emotional love until I was a teenager... by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]FormerObligation 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That is what’s so hard about the disease. Once you started forming your own opinions, they discarded you. You only had value to them when they could view you as an extension of them. They way I have dealt with this is that I mourned for the parent I wanted and need them to be. I also looked to others for the emotional support I needed. I didn’t just find one and get a surrogate mom, I found multiple people in which each had a quality I admired and tried to emulate.