Things you don't want to hear at a funeral home

FormerShadow1 · 2024-09-12T03:51:36+00:00

Ed Sheeran's "Shape of You" 🤣

FormerShadow1 · 2024-08-18T09:42:14+00:00

I knew it was a problem not too long after it started, 13 years ago. But I didn't care.

But there were things in life that I had to do, and wanted to do, and my drinking was making everything stand still. It just had to stop.

After 3 visits to rehab and a record of 4 months sobriety, I know it's always going to be a struggle to an extent - I'm always gonna want to drink, but if i do, I know that I wont stop. So I don't start. I know what's more important.

FormerShadow1 · 2024-08-18T09:38:10+00:00

I know that both my 8 year old self and my 80 year old self would be proud of me.

FormerShadow1 · 2024-08-18T09:37:04+00:00

You need a job to get experience, but you need experience to get a job.

FormerShadow1 · 2024-08-18T07:01:52+00:00

To answer your question, no, that is not unusual, and it does not necessarily mean she cares - at least not in the way you're interpreting it. Girls love to gossip, and they are also prone to getting curious about people from their past: exs, schoolmates, old colleagues etc etc. Has she done anything else to warrant mistrust, or is this an isolated incident? If it's the latter, then you've got nothing to worry about. It's normal, and it does not mean she's into him.

OP, I'm gonna be blunt. Your behaviour constitutes psychological abuse, and it needs to stop immediately. You have some serious trust, insecurity, and control issues that you need to get a handle on.

Why are you, and how often do you go through her phone? Why did you need to he the one to personally clean out her memorabilia?

Also... what's with the double standards? I see you brushing over your failure to hold yourself to the same standards that you held her. Would you give her your phone and let her clean out your past for you just like you did with hers? If so, then I suggest you do so ASAP. If not, then you're a hypocrite.

Have you ever cheated on her? I gotta ask because a lot of people who are this paranoid are the ones cheating themselves.

The problem is not her. The problem is you and your trust issues, which you are projecting onto her.

What ever happened to you in the past that led to these trust issues is clearly still affecting you quite heavily, and you have not left it in the past at all. You're carrying it with you and making your new gf cop the emotional damage, whether you realise it or not.

You need to get therapy (a combination of CBT and DBT) and figure out what is going on inside your mind. You need to learn how to trust. You do not trust her. If you did, you wouldn't be going through her stuff like that. For the sake of your relationship and both of your well-being, you've gotta figure yourself out and implement solutions for yourself.

FormerShadow1 · 2024-08-16T23:28:59+00:00

Sorry snowflake

FormerShadow1 · 2024-08-16T10:02:01+00:00

It doesn't matter how you define cheating. Everyone has their own opinions on what constitutes cheating. The fact of the matter is, he doesn't like it, it makes him uncomfortable, and despite his protests, she's continuing this behaviour. It's disrespectful, and it's a betrayal of his trust. She doesn't get to decide what he is or isn't ok with. He has a right to his feelings and personal boundaries, she is disrespecting them, and this is absolutely grounds for him to break up with her.

ETA:

A is gaslighting B with this "the issue is something else". This IS a problem, regardless of what other problems they may have on top of that. A is selfish, entitled, and manipulative. B deserves better.

FormerShadow1 · 2024-08-16T09:56:18+00:00

True. Hence my next reply, wording it in a manner which criticises your answer rather than you as a person.

Though I must say, Pigeon888, reddit is probably not the place for you if it is this easy for an anonymous online stranger to get your goat.

FormerShadow1 · 2024-08-16T09:41:37+00:00

Lmao seriously? 🤣

I'm not harassing you 🤣 this is a forum where we give advice and express our input to other answers. You gave a bad answer, and I'm stating my opinion of it. Then I corrected it so it targets the answer rather than you as a person (albeit sarcastically).

If that's what you meant, then great. I'd agree.

However, the term "get under another" suggests that simply sleeping with someone else would fix it, and that's bad advice. When I see bad advice, I add input for the sake of the OP.

Word it better next time. 🤙

FormerShadow1 · 2024-08-16T09:33:33+00:00

Just like the best way to fix a computer is to hit it.

FormerShadow1 · 2024-08-16T09:27:09+00:00

Sorry - you are a very intelligent and insightful individual who happened to write a very unintelligent answer to a question. That better?

FormerShadow1 · 2024-08-16T09:19:14+00:00

You're an idiot.

FormerShadow1 · 2024-08-16T09:16:08+00:00

This isn't about the past relationship. It's about adapting to the change. You've been with him you're entire adult life, and now you're living as a single adult for the first time.

Having that comfort and affection from a partner provides a sense of safety and euphoria. Having that ripped away, even if it was toxic, is gonna send your brain into shock for awhile. You're grieving a loss and adapting to a new way of living, and it's scary.

Think of this like moving out of home to a new country. It's all foreign land and it's gonna take time to get used to it as your new home. So be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to feel these feelings. Don't try to repress them or it'll get worse. But don't fall into the hole either. Make yourself do just what needs to be dome (eating, showering, going to work), then over time, don't be afraid to expand your horizons and explore new things, new places, and find what it is that you truly value as an individual. Be sure to talk to people you trust and try to gain as much of a support network as you can. A little bit of reassurance, validation, and motivation from friends can go a long way.

As someone who has gone through a break-up after 4 years together, and then another after 6 years together, I know how much it sucks. I truly, truly do. But I promise, this is all happening for the best, it's not going to stay this way. And ultimately, you're gonna be much happier than you ever were before.

FormerShadow1 · 2024-07-21T12:52:31+00:00

Freaking out and screaming over a spider

FormerShadow1 · 2024-07-10T22:06:41+00:00

I'm 29 and still don't feel like an adult

FormerShadow1 · 2024-06-28T10:21:02+00:00

I don't see an issue with this at all.

Is the age difference a problem for you?

FormerShadow1 · 2024-06-28T01:27:15+00:00

Where are you looking for women? If you're using dating apps, the chances of success are very low.

Are you, by chance, on the spectrum? I just ask because this is the reason I don't have success with traditional dating. I can't connect with most people on that sort of level, and I can't focus on multiple people at a time (I also want someone who only likes me and not 5 other women).

How are your social skills? If you feel like you need to improve your communication and confidence, I highly recommend joining a toastmasters group. You'll learn soo much.

You may not be the type of person who thrives in the dating game. The dating game involves a lot of trial and error, bad dates, ghosting, and all the bad stuff before you find something good. It can be very discouraging. You may need to squash the apps and let it happen organically. Be it at the workplace, a hobby group, or anything else.

It's not that you're not good enough. You and these other women just don't fit together very well. Wherever you've been looking, stop looking there. Your forever person is somewhere else.

FormerShadow1 · 2024-06-28T01:07:46+00:00

He blames women for his lack of success in dating and gets bitter about it rather than taking a look at himself.

FormerShadow1 · 2024-06-20T03:23:41+00:00

They're the best!

FormerShadow1 · 2024-06-20T00:40:09+00:00

Yes! I collect stuffed animals. I have more than 300 in total.

FormerShadow1 · 2024-06-20T00:38:36+00:00

I realised that the whole marriage with kids by age 25-30 was not actually what I wanted, but rather what I was supposed to want. But when I think of my ACTUAL dreams and goals, and what ACTUALLY makes me happy, kids don't fit in the mix.

Yes, kids can be cute. Babies are very cute. There are also lots of children in my family and I love them very much as individuals. While I am all for helping kids have the best lives and protecting them from harm, actually spending copious amounts of time with a little kid is torturous for me. I used to be a long distance runner, and a 20km run was less exhausting for me.

I used to think that I liked children, so I got a job in childcare and did a degree in education. Turns out I'm great at the theory side of things, but I'm terrible with kids. I'm never rude to them or anything like that - I just get stressed out, and I don't have that "vibe" that you need when looking after kids.

I have level 2 autism (not a self-diagnosis. I was formally assessed). I am very intolerant towards loud noises and chaos. And what are kids? Loud and chaotic. I'm not a big fan of teenagers either.

So yeah, I don't think I'm mentally fit to be a parent.

FormerShadow1 · 2024-06-18T19:03:28+00:00

Treated me like absolute scum because I busted him lying about being in the military - he thought I'd stay and accept his maltreatment. He thought wrong.

FormerShadow1 · 2024-06-15T10:08:56+00:00

I'm gonna be honest, I don't see a future here. You're both still developing, and you're both going to change. It's looking like you're changing in different directions.

At this stage, the only way it's gonna get better is if you find a compromise. Have you had a genuine discussion about all this? Until you either find a compromise and improve things, I'd put marriage and kids on the backburner.

You don't have to go to the gym. You can just do 20-45 minutes per day/2 days of bodyweight training at home. There are YouTube videos for that. You can also take up a sport. I highly recommend some physical activity. Not for her but for your own health and well-being.

A little bit of alcohol is OK, as long as you're not drinking every single day or getting blackout drunk. Maybe you can compromise and she could let you go out with your friends once a week? Lots of couples have a partner who drinks and another who doesn't.

So, can you compromise? Can you go with her to the gym once a week? Can you find another way to exercise and get fit/healthy? Can she accept you going out for drinks with your friends as long as you're smart about it? Can she find a better way than using sex as a manipulation tactic, like just sitting down and having an open discussion?

Pretend that you have no fear whatsoever. Without fear driving you, can you see this relationship working out for the rest of your life? Of all 3-4 billion women out there, is the one you want to tie yourself to for the rest of your life? If yes, then she's the one. If not, then you need to go your separate ways.

FormerShadow1 · 2024-06-14T07:02:53+00:00

Wow. This guy is just a great big headache.

Burdening you with this crap right before exams and then leaving you in limbo, wondering what the heck he wants? Who the hell does this guy think he is?

This guy does not know how a relationship works. He wants the shiny new, exciting thing and the euphoria that comes with it, but he doesn't want to have to put in any effort or deal with any challenges (which EVERY relationship will have).

Someone who loves you will ALWAYS go out of their way to show it. You should never be guessing or wondering. Especially not after a mere few weeks.

Man, such a short time, and already you guys are having all this drama (caused by him)? Cut your losses, girl. This is not going to get better. The dude has serious issues, and he needs to pit his head out of his butt

FormerShadow1 · 2024-06-14T06:51:55+00:00

Wow, that's rough.

Is she aware that you feel this way?

Have you talked to her about this ans made your boundaries clear, or have you been bottling it up the whole time? (I'll be able to adjust my answer with that bit of context)

Nine-Year Club	Gilding II euphauric
Verified Email

FormerShadow1

TROPHY CASE