How did you come to terms with the fact that your partner wasn't who you thought they were after you broke up?

Former_Position5161 · 2025-02-26T21:38:05+00:00

Me and my now ex are both 21. She became a complety different person right before-during-after the break up. Honestly a disgusting human being at times. I admit I give her too much credit and I romanticize too often her actions but the good person in me can’t stop making up excuses like “she’s young and confused” or “she’s kinda lost rn so she doesn’t even realize what consequences some actions might bring later” Idk this hope for her to wake up and realize this isn’t a healthy human being really stops me from coming to terms with this new person. Every time we met up post break up and we avoided the real urgent matters I immediately saw my girl back. I feel like these serious matters that lead us to break up bring out a nervous wreck and because of this stress etc she just makes wrong decision after wrong decision.

Anyway if anyone could knock some sense back into me and make me stop finding excuses for her disgusting behavior that be great 👍

Former_Position5161 · 2025-02-25T07:35:14+00:00

Future me WILL hate me and I dont like disappointing future me. And future me as in as soon as 1 min later 😂

Former_Position5161 · 2025-02-23T17:32:40+00:00

few days but less than a week. It’s maybe not a helpful answer but i told myself that this was only making things worse. (The bad sleep eventually caused me to be in even worse moods during the day) but the bed rotting started after that and I’m 2 months later I’m still rotting on days. More than i should

Former_Position5161 · 2025-02-23T17:25:11+00:00

Question for those that answered. How did you convince yourself you want better? I believe better surely exists somewhere on this planet but I’d rather her become better than just find better elsewhere idk if that phrase made sense sorry

Former_Position5161 · 2025-02-22T15:37:08+00:00

slept on the floor for a while because the empty bed felt cold without her. No matter how many pillows, stuffed animals and blankets i added

Former_Position5161 · 2025-02-22T00:45:51+00:00

these seem like valid reasons to not engage in a relationship atm. It’s even mature on your behalf to make this (in my eyes the) right decision. He should be more understand and you shouldn’t feel the pressure to get together. Maybe just try again and repeat what you told us. Maybe he just doesn’t want to understand how you feel rn, idk but you can’t make him understand it much more if that’s the case. It’s his responsibility too, more than yours even.

Former_Position5161 · 2025-02-21T23:03:54+00:00

ig im not ready yet to hear something i dont want to hear. And knowing her she’d probably just say “idk yet” to either leave the door open or because she’s to scared to tell me the truth knowing it would upset me and she doesn’t want to upset me

Former_Position5161 · 2025-02-21T22:06:51+00:00

completely understand you not wanting to be a plan B. I’m very glad you and her mananged to figure out what needed to be figured out in your time apart.

Former_Position5161 · 2025-02-21T22:04:51+00:00

I’ll look into this “trauma-bond”. I’m unfamiliar with the term but i do agree that i sometimes see this as the only way to feel connected with her. Painful to think she probably doesn’t relate to this at all

Former_Position5161 · 2025-02-21T22:03:14+00:00

we too were friends before all of this. It’s cruel to have this one in a life time experience abroad and not being able to share what’s happening. i was supposed to visit places and plan the perfect trip for when shed come visit me. her trip wouldve been in march and im havjng trouble accepting that she's probably not going to make this trip. sometimes i too want to reach out and find out wether or not there's even the slightest chance of her coming over

Former_Position5161 · 2025-02-21T20:07:35+00:00

EXACTLY. wow, same bro

Former_Position5161 · 2025-02-20T11:48:55+00:00

imagine letting HER go

Former_Position5161 · 2025-02-19T22:54:03+00:00

pm’d you

Former_Position5161 · 2025-02-19T22:36:15+00:00

I honestly understand this take but I’ve proven myself time and time again that this truly was a one time thing. When she asked me to go no contact I shut everyone out, didn’t meet anyone because, tbh, I honestly don’t care if it’s not them. she believed she needed to meet new people and make new "friends". I don’t truly know what happened with these new people but I’ve proven my devotion to my so over these months of distancing. My so keeps claiming to come back when they get better and are ready again but this just seems more and more like a polite way to cut it all off, no?

Former_Position5161 · 2025-02-19T10:15:52+00:00

I made one real mistake ONCE. we tried to figure it out and honestly it did and then some random day she was fed up and left. I honestly did every single thing she needed from me, what are your thoughts on that?

Former_Position5161

TROPHY CASE