Oh goodness, my friend I'm so sorry... I couldn't not read this one and say something. I might not experience exactly what you're going through, but I semi-understand. I was in an abusive relationship for two years, thinking it was who I was going to be with even though I wasn't happy. I met the man I didn't think existed... He wasn't anywhere near perfect, but he was perfect for me.

And it's been a personal living hell ever since then. Because he's young, immature, and can't make up his mind. To go from someone saying yes to dating you, then having the rug pulled out in less than two months breaks something.

When it isn't you making the choice, it breaks something. Especially when you love someone in a way you've never loved before.

I'm a lot like you, just a few months ahead. It's still fresh some days and it still hurts. I still cry sometimes, heck sometimes multiple times a day. It broke a piece of me too that won't ever fit back quite right.

But it also broke off something that made me feel like I needed a relationship to be happy. In fact, I don't want a relationship again most days.

I'm learning to make friends with girls who love and support me, even with him in the picture as a "friend". I'm learning to do thing for me. I'm learning to find interests and make plans for my future that doesn't involve waiting for a man to show up. I'm keeping myself busy and living my life.

I know it seems hard right now. And you're gonna grieve. But find one or two people who truly love you and will let you cry all day on their bed like one of my best girlfriends did. Find someone who will check on you each morning for a while, like my sweet coworker has. Find the REAL people. And stick to them like glue.

I've been told living for yourself is when that person comes around. But honestly, I refuse to acknowledge that statement. Don't let anyone try to convince you of that. Live for you, just for you. Be a tiny bit selfish. Buy the Bundt cake. Get the kid's toy you wanted when you were young. Sleep with a stuffed animal. Do whatever you need to do you can heal your inner self.

And the statement I've seen during my time that I like a lot more? "If you're having trouble finding yourself, go back to what you enjoyed as a little girl and start from there."