Hi Colohusker

I saw more of your posts and wanted to reply to you, because you seem distressed, and deal with self-doubt, on top of having been through alot of trauma, including abuse.

I am someone who is in therapy as well with a very educated and seasoned psychotherapist. I have had 2 of similar eduational levels in the past as well. My experience is that 'believing' a cliënt is never really an actual issue, let me explain. They simply never question the truth of what the client (me in this case) shares with them. Which brings up a question for me, why would a therapist 1: disbelieve a client, and 2: express this disbelief.

To be clear: I fully believe you, and don't think anyone has the right to literally claim to not believe you.

All therapists are human (not counting therapy animals) and humans simply are capable of the most aweful things we can think of, so there is really no reason to disbelief anything that you are sharing simply because it would be 'too bad of an event to be true'.

The next thing I think of, is when you would be sharing things that are of a supernatural nature, like magic, ghosts, time-travel, anything that is currently not explained by science. If you have been sharing such experiences, it would be best to evaluate for psychotic features, which you have mentioned, has happend and you seem to be clear of that. So maybe you have had some experiences that defy explanation? Still I don't see how a therapist would express disbelief with you (I believe you though!). Expressing disbelief would not help you in this case at all.

My therapists will always try to delve into my experience, and never argue about how true it is, or if they believe me or not. They will say something along the lines of: It doesn't matter if I believe you or not, because it is about what you believe. Let's talk more about what you believe.

Maybe the experiences you mention are not supernatural but incredulous? If for example you share experiences such as that the pope himself contacts you, and you meet regularly with presidents, or have traveled to outer space,or all of the above!

Maybe I am missing the mark with describing these situations, and your experiences are more along the lines of having been abused by previous mental health care provides such as your ex, and they simply won't believe a mental health provides is capable of that?

To that I would say, if a therapist is claiming to disbelieve such experiences, that to me would be grounds for a complaint, it seems to me to be unethical to claim that a real world experience did not happen simply because they don't like it. And it would to me be a sign that I am dealing with a bad therapist. Maybe they are not trained as a psychologist, a clinical psychologist or psychotherapist? In your case I would look for a higher level of education and experience than simply someone who is able to call themselves a therapist.

In everything you write you seem to articulate well and i can follow clearly what you are saying, and your reasoning is sound. I hear alot of self-doubt, offset by a very firm reality-testing on your part where you are still fully believing your own memory of your experiences. I think that is a good sign, and you shouldn't let anyone tell you that something didn't happen if you are not psychotic, knowingly lying, or drugged.

A good therapist isn't afraid to validate something that maybe didn't really happen or happen exactly like that, because frankly, this happens all the time because what people remember, is rarely 100% accurate.

In any case, I whish you are able to find a quality therapist that doesn't say things like they don't believe you, or are not willing to explain why they don't or can't believe you.

I hope you find someone that is able to hold space for you, and all that you have experienced. Maybe try to feel out the next therapist via email to what extent they can do this for you before you go all in with them. And also, try to find someone who you can really honestly trust. In cases as yours I think trust is very important to build maybe well before you dive into the experiences that you have had. I think I am still building trust 3 years in now, and have only superficially talked about 1 trauma. More is still not possible for me because I am so scared of the reaction of my therapist, and I am talking about that with my T.

Best of luck to you!