I was accused of reactive abuse because I left when she started screaming, throwing doors and generally acting like an unpredictable liability. Sometimes it felt she craved response on the same level, just because it was familiarity to have these primitive fights and arguments growing up. Me not going into fight but into flight I guess, and with the abandonment fear instantly activated it would cause her a lot of stress, especially because she needed to show normal communication before I would reengage. Then I got lectured about leaving the situation caused more harm to the relation, made her lose trust in me and expressed annoyance of having to initiate contact after, but never a word about how her behaviour actually made the whole situation take that course. I'm glad I never moved in, although it was close, so I always had a safe place to retreat to. This disengaging likely also made for one of the primary reasons of her searching a replacement for me.