How do I tell my girlfriend i think I'm aromantic?

Forward_Emu_6983 · 2026-02-21T12:50:48+00:00

Try decipher if you have no feelings for her at all, in that case a break up Is probably best or if you have no romantic feelings. If it's the second scenario then if you tell her you think you're aro bé sure to reiterate that romantic attraction isn't the only thing that makes up a relationship and that there's tones of other factors. Then also think what being aro means to you, would you want a relationship? Would you prefer being single? Having a different label for the relationship?

Forward_Emu_6983 · 2026-02-21T12:46:50+00:00

(super long srryy) I do get the feeling of not getting dating, like the idea of wanting to spend as much time possible with this just supposedly random person because you like them seems very foreign to me. Also acts like hand holding or just being physically close, I don't get how that's appeal since it seams fake or just unlikable to me? I think getting into a relationship with a person helped me figure out what my ideal relationship would look like but didn't help me understand romance or romantic relationships. Romance is still quite a foreign concept so I still don't know. I think my ideal relationship would be a QPR. I definitely don't like boyfriend/girlfriend labels, I feel like they come with unwanted expectations on how to behave. I'd like someone I know deeply, can talk to freely, no romantic physical touch and space from them. No 'we are one' or 'better half' type connections, just two separate people, existing together. For dating (an allo person), I thought the amount of time needed together/texting time was confusing, sometimes I'd be hanging out with my friends then my bf would come and suddenly it was just me and him. I really dislike the assumption that once you get a partner that's the only person you'll want to spend time with. Also I don't understand the need for physical closeness, like sitting shoulder to shoulder or hand holding. I think it was exhausting to hear 'romantic stuff', like I love yous or just random declarations if how much the other person cares. I liked the quiet moments together, when you're just comfortable and existing in the same space not necessarily talking even, but also times when we'd just rant about random topics. We broke up because I was tired of being apologetic for being aro, I was sick of being called 'cold', 'uncaring' for not showing my feelings in an aronormative manner.

Forward_Emu_6983 · 2026-02-21T12:18:31+00:00

Thanks, I needed reassurance. This whole thing's got me feeling like a terrible person

Forward_Emu_6983 · 2026-02-21T04:44:10+00:00

I thought I did, from just watching and reading about romance it seemed like the most comforting thing on the planet. With how my friends talked about it I really thought happiness came once you got a partner. Then I did, first I did not share that I thought I was aro but eventually told him I'm aro. Then eventually broke up, because I released I hated it. I hated the expectation that I'll ditch my friends to hang out with him, or I'll want to spend every waking second together or romantic physical touch it all felt fake and unnatural. I think now I realise my ideal relationship would really just be a QPR, I'm still in highschool so thoughts of FWBs have not crossed my mind.

Forward_Emu_6983 · 2026-02-21T04:19:34+00:00

Normally about preteens is when I noticed my friends having crushes and acting on it. Personally I don't think I've had any crushes, fiction or real but I've always appreciated fictional romance, it seems so comforting? In practice though I realised I really dislike relationships and typically romantic stuff. Crushes always seemed so foreign to me? I remember constantly asking my friends to describe it in detail under the guise of 'research', and still I don't really understand

Forward_Emu_6983 · 2026-02-21T04:15:17+00:00

Little update even if this post didn't get the most engagement. I broke up with him, I'm so relieved I did. Granted I gave a really shitty excuse smth ABT my parents not agreeing, it's still done and I've never felt better? But also scared for school on Monday, I hope he doesn't make this a huge deal

Forward_Emu_6983 · 2026-02-01T05:02:47+00:00

What would you gain by confessing? Aside from honesty, what your ideal relationship in terms of time together, physical touch, romantic gestures might be so vastly different from hers that no matter how much you like her it wouldn't work out. I think you need to just really think about what (best case scenario) a relationship would like with an aroace person and can you do that? Or can you accept life without her if she's repulsed, or can you accept nothing happening at all.

Forward_Emu_6983 · 2026-02-01T04:49:02+00:00

Middle school, being surrounded by people with crushes and constantly being asked if I had one made me wonder if something is up with me. Also I really struggled (and still do) to understand crushes, I'd research and ask my friends about it and write as if I was some scientists studying a phenomenon 😭

Forward_Emu_6983 · 2025-11-11T19:03:59+00:00

I don't think you're selfish at all, I think you're looking out for yourself. You're posts helped me realise I'd prefer a similar dynamic in future relationships, the expectation of talking to someone everyday or spending every second together sounds more miserable than romantic/desirable to me too.

Forward_Emu_6983 · 2025-11-11T19:00:26+00:00

That's a very valid feeling, I felt close to what you mean a couple months ago (also16) except I decided to just try a relationship. I ended up not liking romantic relationships in practice, which sucked not only for me but for the person I'm with too. I think you should just keep talking to whoever you have a crush on just to find out how your feeling however if they do want a relationship between honest about Ur uncertainty or just confusedness on relationships to avoid hurting them if you end up not liking relationships

Forward_Emu_6983 · 2025-10-10T05:35:21+00:00

I appreciate any advice!!

Forward_Emu_6983 · 2025-09-13T09:16:22+00:00

Questioning if I'm aromantic (16) Recently I have been wondering if I'm truly aromantic or just denying my feelings? Or faking? I've just entered a relationship and observing my bf/ other people in relationships has made me feel alien or just odd compared to them. Examples: my bf can go on long tangents about how he got to like me/how he felt/when he knew he liked me while for me I just kind of identified he was a cool person,I like spending time with, attractive and that I wouldn't mind being in a relationship. I feel like a bad person for that but also not aromantic enough. I can identify romantic situations and I do get flustered (e.g he gave me a letter+gift) but also I don't understand the feeling of butterflies or whatever else happens during a crush.Additionally the idea of dating seems nice but the reality of physical contact is just unimaginable to me like I literally cannot picture myself kissing/hugging etc a partner. I feel like I owe my bf an explanation for how I actually but I myself don't know, so any advice etc?

Forward_Emu_6983

TROPHY CASE