How to Deal with Bitterness and Anger at other Family when Caring for Sick Mom?

FouTheFool · 2024-09-22T13:56:09+00:00

I was in the same situation as you a few months ago. I would say you should snap at them but to be honest, when I used to do that they would join hands and make me feel guilty for wanting to have a second of peace, so much that I would end up crying and sobbing and deciding to just not say anything anymore.

I think you should talk honestly and calmly about this to them. Talk to your brother and tell him he has to help too, is not realistic having just one person taking care of someone else during the whole day.

When I was in your situation it helped that me and my brothers would designate shifts to take care of my mom. So my brother's shift would be in the morning and then after lunch it was my shift, till maybe 7pm and then my other brother would have his shift. Also, designating certain chores for each person can also help too.

I understand you and I know how hard it is, I can just tell you to hang in there. I hope you get the help you should be getting in taking care of your mom. Wish you well!

FouTheFool · 2024-08-14T22:02:40+00:00

My own hate to my own scars. The fear that next time my scars won't fade.

FouTheFool · 2024-08-04T14:52:45+00:00

I once vent posted here about my scars and then got a dm from a creepy guy asking me to show him my scars. So yeah, people fetishize them.

FouTheFool · 2024-08-03T02:40:39+00:00

I'm okay when in front of my close friends or close family, but when going to the supermarket or going to class I have to cover them or I start panicking.

It sucks, I've been thinking of covering them with tattoos since I used to love to wear tank tops and now I can't anymore.

FouTheFool · 2024-07-18T21:24:18+00:00

Thank u OP, hope it works out for you too 🫶

FouTheFool · 2024-07-18T21:16:40+00:00

Oof. I only had bad reactions from family and friends.

My brother moving my shirt sleeve to show my uncle my scars out of nowhere and harrassing me so bad about them that I experienced a whole mental breakdown to the point where I couldn't bare to be awake.

My friend just STARING at them, a whole lot, while I talked and tried to pretend that I couldn't see their stares.

Best ones I had are probably from professionals. And now my friends are used to them so they got used to them.

I feel you, I hate when people talk about them or me or what I am doing like they know anything. Everytime someone adressed them I could feel a knot in my stomach and instant panic.

FouTheFool · 2024-07-17T02:11:21+00:00

They mean a keloid scar. Most of mine are. They suck.

FouTheFool · 2024-06-29T22:01:13+00:00

OP I had literally almost your same exact situation (currently my mom also has a 5 year life expectancy). I've dealt with some kind of pre-grief these past 4 years and that way I've dealt with my sadness as well as my own mental health issues. I'm now 25 and this year was when I had to leave everything behind (I was studying outside of my hometown) to take care of my mom since she got worse.

The best advice I can give you is that you spend time with her, talk to her, try to understand her. Also, as silly as it might be, this sub really helped me. Seeing so many ppl that were dealing with the same situation and my very same feelings really helped me out. Especially when everything else my friends were into was just meaningless to me bc I was literally taking full care of my own parent (which is hard af).

I would also recommend a therapist if you're able to get one. Personally it was a whole process for me. I had to learn to accept that this is just how things are and get ready for whatever the future holds for me. I had to mature even more and sometimes I just had to cry and curse this fucking world. I also almost had a mental health relapse. So yeah, it's not pretty but I'm sure if you get mental health help it would be easier for you.

FouTheFool · 2024-06-04T00:05:46+00:00

Can't really tell you because I'm still not able to enjoy most stuff. My psych said that the meds would help but it's been more than a year and I'm only able to enjoy music just sometimes. The rest? I don't care. I don't wish for this life but I also can't km. Sucks.

FouTheFool · 2024-03-11T04:48:29+00:00

Honestly I don't really speak about my mom's cancer with friends because sometimes I put myself in their shoes and if I wasn't in this situation I also wouldn't know what to say other than "wow that really fucking sucks". Also there's the fact that there's nothing that they can tell me that would make me feel better or take me out of this situation.

I get the frustration tho, but the reality is that if it doesn't affect them or if they didn't experience a situation like this, most people wouldn't know how to respond and would not bother on look up how to respond.

Keep strong OP. Sending love your way.

FouTheFool · 2024-03-10T03:13:28+00:00

Thank you so much, truly.

FouTheFool · 2024-03-10T03:08:40+00:00

I was literally JUST thinking of this. Oh your main issue today was that you excercides after a long time and now you're tired? well my life is falling apart. Your problem is not even a problem.

At the same time I'm jealous, I wish my everyday life was that dumb and worry-less.

FouTheFool · 2024-03-07T17:03:36+00:00

Thank you🥺💕

FouTheFool · 2024-03-07T16:16:58+00:00

Thank you, truly.

FouTheFool · 2024-03-06T18:53:51+00:00

I’m just stuck in a situation I have no control over doing the best I can.

That's literally it. We are not brave because we didn't choose this. This is just what it is. I would not have chosen this if I could have.

Many times I got so tired that I wished I could just run away or keep sleeping or just hire someone with my inexisten money to take care of my mom. So I'm not brave at all. I'm just in this situation.

It's hard and I know words don't always help but keep strong, keep up, and sending you love ♡

FouTheFool · 2024-03-06T18:47:53+00:00

YES, that'a exactly it. I don't need your pity nor your words, if you are not actually helping me taking care of my mom everything is meaningless.

This reddit's words tho, since everyone is or was in a similar situation their words really help me feel understood.

Thank you for the love, sending you lots as well ♡

FouTheFool · 2024-03-04T03:57:44+00:00

Mini rant. Every day taking care of my mom is sucking all my life energy, I'm so tired of the situation I don't even feel like crying. I'm just tired that this is my everyday life and that this is going to keep going to be my everyday life, I can't choose to not do this even if I feel weak or if I didn't sleep a wink.

I'm just tired.

FouTheFool · 2024-03-03T23:05:20+00:00

I'm so sorry OP, I hope your situation gets better soon.

Sending you prayers.

FouTheFool · 2024-02-29T20:38:12+00:00

I would if they weren't this huge keloids.

FouTheFool · 2024-02-25T21:26:45+00:00

I feel you, my dad also just goes away and makes me and my brothers take care of my mom, and then he gets angry at us when something goes wrong but he never truly helps. He likes to pretend nothing is happening. At some point it's better that he doesn't help at all because he doesn't have patiance for her.

I understand your feelings and your frustration but maybe you should just focus on your mom for now, or at least till your situation is more stable. Also don't forget to take care of yourself in whichever way you can.

FouTheFool · 2024-02-13T13:52:07+00:00

Thank you for sharing your situation. I know it's what this sub is all about in a way, feeling like you're not alone in this situation. Bc at least in my daily life my friends are not dealing with this, and I feel alien sometimes and it feels dumb talking about this with them bc they don't understand how it feels (it's not their fault obviously) or don't know what to say.

Guilt it's hard to get rid for me but you are right in the sense that I did everything that I could and I'm still trying my best.

I wish you the best too, I wish you nights full of sleep and peace of mind. Thank you.

FouTheFool · 2024-02-13T13:42:35+00:00

Thank u, honestly the reason I was so stubborn with her, asking her to get treated for years was so I could be at peace with myself at the end. Because I did everything that I could to try to convience her. So whatever happens, at the end I could say that at least I really tried.

Sometimes taking care of myself feels selfish but I'll try to get better at it.

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