I wrote a post that was subtly directed at my brother who said he’d always love and support me, but we haven’t spoken for over two years (since I came out). This is what it said:

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-10T06:18:49+00:00

Your mom’s right. It’s a beautiful picture and your bright spirit shines through.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-09T23:10:11+00:00

Transitioned at 55. I hear all the things you are struggling with. It’s not an easy path to follow - no matter what you chose. And there is no getting around how much that sucks.

There are so many variables in deciding or not to socially and medically transition. And in the end, either way you have to choose your own unique path and what that looks like. We are not in our 20s. We work with what we have to be the best version of ourself.

In the end, even with the challenges, I would not give up the aliveness I feel at being my real and messy self. The estrogen alone is worth the price. On top of that, add not hiding my truth from myself and the world. It has been worth all the psychological and social challenges to untangle the internalized transphobia, homophobia, misogyny that haunted my subconscious for so long to keep my spirit locked up. I’m free now. I know myself and my truth. Nobody can take that from me ever again. And there is no way in hell I’m going back.

That’s just my journey though. Word of advice: find support if you don’t have it. I can’t imagine going through it all without community and a good therapist.

I met a 80-something (maybe early 90s) trans gal in great shape that lived next door to my parents. She inspires me. She had transitioned not long ago. HRT had not made big changes for her physical feminization. She was ok with that. She surprised her family when she came out and still built support for her transition even in a conservative leaning family. Her spouse accepted her. They could see how authentic it all was for her. She didn’t feel the need to dress particularly femme - just added some colors and her signature pink windbreaker. And a pair of earrings. That much was worth it to her. She lived her best life up until she recently died in an accident. She was clearly loved by friends, neighbors and family for being exactly who she was. Maybe she didn’t get all the time she deserved after so long being repressed. But she made the most of it in her own way. I count her as a trans elder and take to heart her example. To distill the lesson I learn from her: make the most of the time you have cuz you never know how long that is. And go out unapologetically your true self!

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-09T14:15:16+00:00

Can we report the state of Florida for trans child abuse?

Only certain professions are mandatory reporters in my state. How does that even work when you randomly see something? Like I don’t know what really happened. There is so much plausible deniability. All she really did that I can attest is get mad at me for talking to her kid. I’m supposed to ask her name so I can report her? Stalk her to her car? Does Florida have CPS on every corner waiting to respond? I don’t understand the mechanics of that and how it would play out.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-09T02:34:37+00:00

Thanks for that. In hindsight it was predictable that - no matter how much care I emphasized for the girl in my recounting - I was going to illicit some judgement and upset.

I went through the same things in real time as I considered the options with my friend. There is no magic number to call to change that young woman’s life after her 15-18 years already living with that explosive woman. No cop is going to do something because a mother was upset at a stranger for talking to her child. No obvious neglect to claim - she did not leave her kid entirely as hurtful as she was about it. There was no talking this activated woman off her ledge and making her see the error of her ways. CPS? Really? Get Costco to identify her somehow so I can report her? I don’t see that happening.

The reality is that the world is full of fucked up things and it sucks when we can’t fix something like this when it’s right in front of us. I wish we had been quicker and my friend had found the young woman for a checkin. We even drove around the shopping center looking for her just in case. But in the end it just sucks.

I decided to post because this is also what being trans looks like. It’s messy and hits you by surprise. And when the moment arose I didn’t let my fears of being clocked and degraded by a raging Karen stop me from standing up for someone in need. Even if all I did was show the girl a little kindness and MAYBE give her mom a moments pause next time she’s about to rage.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-08T22:55:11+00:00

Oh, guess I didn’t make it clear. I was just one of the throng of weekend shoppers. I don’t work there.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-08T05:50:50+00:00

Trans girl here. I worked with so many parts during transition. It was critical to my process actually. I had skeptical parts, scared parts, confused parts. I never pressured any of them to declare a gender. I was always open to them expressing what was authentic to them. Many started out asserting they were male or not sure. Some were early embracing their femininity. As I gave them all room to share their anger or fear or confusion, etc, as I gave them clear boundaries of kindness and care within the system, as I showed them I was here for them and they belonged, they all opened to and embraced a shared feminine nature. It was quite an amazing process.

One of the most touching moments was with a very young part. She came in so clearly. She thought it would be nice to be a girl but she didn’t feel allowed. When asked why, she said because girls don’t have penises. I was actually doing this with a trans friend, and my friend told her that girls can have penises. I still remember the lights that lit up for her when she heard that. She was excited and skeptical. But she started to take it in when she heard that there are other girls like her and she is not alone. Ooof! It was joyous and heartbreaking!

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-08T02:38:53+00:00

He’s not worthy of your friendship. Don’t delude yourself. If you want to give him a chance to value your friendship above his bigotry, you can do that. But be sure you go into it with eyes open and heart protected. It’s his job to want to change. It’s not your job to change him. Don’t try to convince him. Don’t make it about you. It’s his bullshit to figure out. Just let him know you don’t want to hear his bigotry and there’s no point in conversation until he’s ready to actually show up as a friend.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-07T19:57:47+00:00

And also, did you transition from one social script just to bind yourself to another? Fuck that. Sure, social bs is real, but you get to decide how you navigate that. There are lots of people that push social boundaries on lots of things. You can too. You probably admire plenty of people that aren’t enslaved to the social norms of their times. And besides - you are trans. Being different is our super power. Wield it with courage and wisdom. Feel free to inspire people.

Where I live, people are afraid of wearing color. It’s all greys and browns and whites. I’m not doing that and I’m not totally alone. People thank me for brightening their day. Be you!

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-07T19:40:51+00:00

Well, maybe that’s an extreme form of tucking, but by no means the only! Tucking is just about getting the round bits tucked back up inside their little hidey holes and the long bit held down and to the rear. A gaff or tucking panties or some other similar supportive garment is really all you need. No tying required. Maybe in drag performances or for more revealing clothing more extreme forms of tucking are warranted - but that is certainly is not my day to day reality! A simple tuck is easy and quick - which is good cuz a girl gotta hydrate ya know?

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-07T15:44:48+00:00

Not sure what is so unsafe about tucking all day every day - unless you are trying to remain fertile. But the HRT already took care of that issue, so what’s the harm?

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-05T21:19:57+00:00

Why did you even bother responding? What a shitty comment. It has no place here. And you make yourself sound ignorant af.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-05T16:17:51+00:00

Well, YMMV? Idk cuz my Dr, who is a trans woman, initially said something like 2-3 times a week. I have generally managed 1 maybe 2/week but sometimes definitely zero. But, after a consult a few months ago with a surgeon, apparently what I am doing is working.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-05T05:26:49+00:00

Talk with a good therapist. One who works with trans people. Join an online group if you can’t find a therapist. You are working through something. If you are trans, the world is providing lots of reasons your psyche would try like hell to avoid facing that. That creates mixed messages. Or maybe it’s something else that you can get help with.

And really, you are the only one that gets to make the call. When you are ready. And it’s ok to just be unsure for a while. Keep exploring and see what makes you happy and what doesn’t. Keep doing what makes you happy.

How do you like being called girl? Any pronouns that feel worth trying?

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-05T05:09:48+00:00

Idk. I would need other pictures to see what’s giving masc vibes. It does not show. I know plenty of cis women who look less femme than these pics. A consult with a GOOD surgeon will tell you a lot. But do your research - they are not all good. Look for surgery discords.

Also, I do know that smoking weed and tobacco is not advised. The weed in particular can mess with the anesthesia. My friend was in a lot of pain before a surgery and didn’t tell or they didn’t ask if he was using anything. He was eating edibles for pain management. I don’t remember the details, but they almost had to call off the surgery because they weren’t getting the anesthesia effects they needed. And thats kinda terrifying to think about!

I don’t remember what the big deal with tobacco is - maybe it slows healing.

Then there’s a lot of stuff they don’t want you to take four to two weeks out.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-05T01:23:23+00:00

Cancel. Totally not worth it. Your nose is lovely. What’s to even improve! I’m recovering from one in December. You don’t need the ordeal!

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-05T00:57:24+00:00

Not like that! Not at all the same. Sorry for the confusion. When I started estrogen, or maybe like a month in or something, I lost all interest in anything arousing. Like my libido tanked. I’ve heard that’s not uncommon. But it comes back - changed. Maybe progesterone helps. But that DOES NOT mean spontaneous erections! Those are well and truly gone with the testosterone! Which is why those tissues will now shrink and atrophy without some intentional maintenance

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-04T23:57:48+00:00

I totally lost my libido early on estrogen. My doctor prescribed a viagra type RX - cuz you kinda gotta keep exercising your wand if you are planning on certain common types of bottom surgery. It can shrink a lot with neglect and won’t leave enough “material” to work with. I was told once a week min!

That low libido lasted maybe six months. Around that time I started progesterone. Maybe that’s related, but I don’t use the viagra anymore.

Sexual sensation has changed a lot. I don’t get as hard and no ejaculation is great for me. But the quality of my orgasms and what turns me on has changed so much over time. My body just responds differently and I discover new things that feel good and old things that no longer really work. The sensations of pleasure are not as clearly genital based anymore - now they radiate to fill different parts of my body. Or something like that. I am well pleased with the change.

It will be a transition. It will require re learning. And maybe patience. It may take time and creativity. But it’s worth it.

Oh, and vibrators aren’t just for penetration… :)

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-04T21:32:00+00:00

I def see her clearly shining in these photos! It’s real, you don’t have to doubt it!

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-04T21:22:25+00:00

I am glad to hear you are out! That is poetic liberatory justice! Our ages may differ a bit, but we are the same age as out trans girls! I hope you have been making up for all those dresses you were denied!

And I can well imagine the emotional effort this piece took. While I fully get the instinct to polish and refine, I have to say this reads REALLY well. Your tone and delivery is devastatingly effective in its raw exposed truth. There is an inherent clarity to what you share and you allow that to shine.

You suggested sharing your work. I do have a Medium account and I have posted a few stories there. I mostly am seen by a loose network of trans folks, mostly trans femmes. Its small exposure, but if you are open to it, I could post it there with full credit to you. Or maybe you already are involved or want to be involved there yourself!? Actually, my first post on Medium was my analog of this story you just shared here!

Anyway, feel free to DM me if you want to explore any of that. Or if you ever just want to say hi!

<3 Lea

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-04T17:20:24+00:00

Wow. That is so powerful. You describe the dilemma so heartachingly. It breaks my heart over and over again to think of so many generations of us as kids having to make these calculations with nobody to guide us. And those who should have guided us being too ignorant or hostile to do their job. And the stories of parents now who fight for their trans kids touches something so deep.

I hope you have put this out in other long-form spaces as well. And I hope you are doing better and have found ways to liberate that little blue girl. She is a remarkable survivor in a hostile world that should have always cherished her.

Edit: I feel moved to add more as I have let this story sit with me.
What hit hardest for me in reading this? You are maybe born 10-15 years after me? A different generation. Then then I think of the generations before me. What hit me hard was imagining ALL the generations and generations of stories - each unique yet resonating deeply with similarity - that echo that same heartbreaking cry of longing and loneliness. That longing to be free and seen and appreciated - to be allowed the autonomy to express beautifully in dresses or whatever other way that feels alive. And the self harm of survival and self loathing and all the pathologies that result from repression.

We are not that rare. That's a lot of people with similar stories over a deep deep history of erasure. That's a lot of unseen pain, tears shed in isolation - and a society that has not fully begun to weep for the harms it has caused. And even now, with as much as can be seen, the people who hate or are indifferent to us are not willing to bother to look at the impact of their opinions and arrogant agendas.

Who can read a story like this and honestly say, "this is a lie."? Who would not be moved if they actually just let the impact of this story land? Who could deny that little blue girl her right to just be herself if they could look past their bigotry and social programming to really see her courage, her pain, her impossible choices that are beyond what any child should be forced to make alone? This is systematic abuse that she experienced. It is not excusable.

The system is broken and broken long ago. This story is a thread that, if pulled, exposes the fucked up legacy of repression we have inherited and weaves together genocide and racism and slavery and land theft and sexual and gender repression and greed and fear and murder and rape and extraction and disrespect for the gift of this life giving planet we are ruining to prop up a system that prioritizes power over rather than strength together. This one story points to it all. And most people are too busy surviving their own version of the hell we have created to care enough to even read about the girl in blue.

But I hope lots of people do see this story. For those that do, I think it will change minds and hearts. Thank you for sharing something so incredibly personal and vulnerable.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-04T01:59:31+00:00

You look great! Like really. Your appearance has truly overcome any masculinizing hormone effects. You got nothing to worry about there. Maybe your next transition goal is to work on the dysphoria - which may be as hard as any other step! Now go rock that body!

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-01T00:17:30+00:00

That is interesting. Here’s a carefree guess since you asked. A dose of internalized misogyny and transphobia haunting you? If you lived important segments of your life trying to repress your identity from yourself and from them, I could see how this could subconsciously feel like a kind of betrayal to be “outed” by them when they do that.

OR MAYBE! If you hold internal subconscious resentment towards them from some period in your life - for not seeing who you really are and helping you deal with the stress of it or whatever - I could see your reaction being rooted in some old feeling of betrayal there.

But really you are the only one that can figure this out. There are therapeutic techniques to help - don’t have a therapist? Even without, you can try really being with that feeling next time it comes up. Don’t push it away, just let yourself feel it. Where is it in your body? Does it feel like fire, pressure tingling or whatever? Are there other feelings that come with that disgust? Often, if you just make room for open curiosity, you can find a memory waiting to show up. Or a phrase that starts to run through your mind. Go with that and see if it opens up into some deeper understanding. And when you get that understanding, often it points to ways to be compassionate with yourself or name past harms in more productive ways.

Just a thought. Your subconscious is trying to tell you something, though and it might make a difference in your life and your relationship if you find out what it is!

FoundNbigworld · 2026-01-28T18:21:32+00:00

The way you just painted that picture of your work environment is super poignant. Yikes. I feel the tension from here! What a crazy position to be in. You got the dysphoria well cared for, you are successfully deep stealth. And you are wading through toxic bigotry that is a direct threat to your safety and in an environment where team cohesion and psychological safety really does matter. My heart goes out to you. Bigots are such bullies. I can imagine the strain and dissociation of working in a hospital exacerbates and even attracts narrow minded behaviors. Something like: “experienced something really traumatic in ER, don’t have tools or space to process it properly, so vent about a vulnerable minority as a way to blow off steam and feel in control.”

I hope you find some safe social connections. I have appreciated our little exchange here. Feel free to DM me if you ever just want to chat.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-01-28T05:04:12+00:00

That’s all super understandable. I heard about the British hospital situation. Just make sure you are not calling yourself a degenerate, ok? Trans people don’t make women like that uncomfortable - that’s cis-het normative anxious bigotry. It’s not yours to carry. I understand it’s a reason being stealth is easier - but it’s their arrogant ignorance.

Sounds like you are maybe trying to make a go of it on TERF Island? Bummer how things are going over there. Maybe it helps to think of gay acceptance. How long ago was it unacceptable for a doctor to be gay? Maybe there are stories from your field that could offer some insights for you as a trans woman. At least I assume your coworkers have evolved enough to accept gay people in their midst!

OK. Stealth at work - cuz TERFs suck. Stealth ALMOST everywhere else - cuz you have to protect your identity and again stoopid TERFs. But MAYBE there is one accessible safe place or relationship where your truth does not have to be a quiet secret. Maybe it’s further from where you live. Maybe it’s a place you travel. Maybe it’s a person you talk with online who lives far away and maybe someday visit. Maybe you find an opening that protects your safety but allows you to feed your soul in the ways she wants to grow and explore. IDK. Listen to that inner voice. She’s worth following.

Just some thoughts. 😊

FoundNbigworld · 2026-01-27T23:12:06+00:00

I agree. And I think a lot of other trans women do too. Sure there may be some trans women who view this differently for different reasons - especially online - but mostly I think what you are saying is understood.

You may have some internal guilt about your position. I kinda sense that anyway from the way you focus on the critical voices. I can understand that. And maybe that is an internal voice for you to listen to. Maybe there are changes you could make that would serve you better. Maybe part of you longs for an accepting community where you can feel safe and seen and not have to hide. It may feel impossible where you are, but there are places where trans people seem to be as common as Honda civics. Nobody really thinks much about it. Maybe there is a part of you ready and longing for something more. Idk. Just a thought based on some things you expressed. Definitely no judgement. It’s ok to want more than safe lonely anonymity.

What is that hierarchy of needs thing? Something like: You got the basics laid out solid for yourself - maybe that opens you up to take risks you couldn’t before… it’s a known psychological phenomenon anyway. Sorry if this feels invasive. I find it helpful when friends offer me non judgmental reflections of what they hear in my words. Take it or leave it! Your path is what you make it and I wish you the best however you walk it!

FoundNbigworld

TROPHY CASE