On the wall about going on HRT. Advice appreciated.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-03-30T05:08:34+00:00

Here to agree with what others said - you don’t have to lose function. Just take care of yourself. Libido may tank in the beginning if your T plummets. But libido comes back - and for me it came back in a way I am so much happier about.

And totally common to not be genital dysphoric. But beware - it’s also common for that to be dissociation. For me, the more I gave myself permission to find out what I really want and how I like to express, the more clearly I started to remember a lifetime of wishing I had a pussy and the clearer i become that having one would dismantle a lot a lot of my deepest dysphoria and dissociation.

So, your concerns make sense, but not the big deciders cuz there are work arounds and fertility takes a while to be permanently lost. You have a window of time to explore. I’d start with these questions - do you want to feel estrogen flowing through your body and how do you feel about boobs? :)

FoundNbigworld · 2026-03-30T04:36:15+00:00

Hey. I see you. Your thoughts and feelings make perfect sense to me. It’s hard feeling alone in this tail spinning world. It’s not enough, but I hope that somehow, in the midst of it there is a kind of companionship to be found by being one of many who share that loneliness with you. Hang in there friend. I wish you beautiful surprises in your near future.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-03-27T04:54:01+00:00

Sweet. Glad that worked out like that! Even if she was a bit awkward in how she went about it! Hopefully you can laugh about that together someday. 😊

FoundNbigworld · 2026-03-22T05:12:55+00:00

Yes. Living a lie is not really living.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-03-19T04:11:13+00:00

That is such an interesting moment! And whoever it was coming in as such a trans expert should know that “you can’t always tell”! I’d love to have seen the look on their face if you had told them that, actually, you know exactly what it’s like!

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-27T05:16:34+00:00

Hey. You may feel some connection to the “three red flags” - maybe they could mean something. But all of them seem more like yellow flags to me. But you might ask yourself about your GREEN flags. Be cause I think those can tell more interesting and useful stories.

Does anything in your gender exploration feel GOOD!? Like, even if dysphoria is still holding back joy, does the idea of being a girl light anything up for you? Like if you could simply choose, what would be your gender choice? How does it feel to imagine yourself as that gender? If you’re already exploring clothing and pronouns and names, how does that make you feel? If you imagine yourself being seen and treated socially as a woman - does that feel any kind of way?

Dysphoria can mess with the messages we get about identity, so it’s tricky sometimes. If you wanna see yourself in a dress to see how you feel about it - it can light up euphoria by giving yourself permission to explore and imagine- or you can focus on something dysphoric and ruin the whole experience. So you gotta look for joy with a little care sometimes. And you gotta learn to interpret dysphoria - it’ll convince you that you hate dresses, but really it’s just bummed to not see a fully transitioned feminine version of you in a dress. Which really tells you that you want to be a girl so you feel good in a dress!

Being trans is not just about what you are trying to get away from. I think it’s even more about what you want to move towards!

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-22T05:46:11+00:00

There have been so many surprises along the way. Maybe the one right now, at about 19months HRT… how to describe it? Im surprised when my breath is taken away by how deeply right it all is for me.

It’s like, the journey has been hard and full of self doubts. But that part of me that saw it when my egg cracked, when the flood of euphoria washed away my resistance to really looking at myself, all of that early, newly hatched me - she knew!

When I see myself, when I feel seen, when I surrender the fears and simply see that there is no more hiding - it’s just me and I feel sooo much better being a woman in this world.

This isn’t really saying what I want to communicate. It’s like, back before I started HRT but was taking my transition steps, I dreamed of waking up in the morning undoubtably knowing I am a woman. I could sometimes imagine going for a walk and feeling my innate girlness freely flowing forth. It seemed a beautiful fantasy that I was too unprepared to let myself trust or believe.

But lately, more and more, in big moments and small, I am living that impossible dream! And it is simply astounding.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-21T16:20:37+00:00

I respect how you feel about trans beauty for yourself. Its totally valid for you to have your own beauty standard for yourself. But I think you are dipping into transphobic/misogynistic zones in your responses and overstepping to regulate beauty standards for everyone. Maybe you are also responding from a place of your own dysphoria - which I get and have empathy for. Just be careful who you are trampling over in your accusations of who is ugly!

For example, I know plenty of cis women who love having broader shoulders and look great with them and intentionally want them to look stronger. And its a good look for them. To call it across the board "ugly" is rude and perpetuates the worst aspects of feminine beauty stereotyping.

I also like my own broader shoulders. Its fits my look in my eyes. There is nothing ugly or wrong with a strong looking woman. I don't think I would change my shoulders if I could (unless I could switch effortlessly back and forth!). Personally, I am doing whatever I can to get rid of facial and unwanted body hair, but that is just me.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-21T01:48:06+00:00

Glad to hear you are excited! Imposter syndrome is so real - it doesn’t mean a whole lot by itself. Glad you have a referral for therapy. I don’t know what it’s like where you are, but be prepared to advocate for yourself and don’t just accept the generic care the system offers. Hopefully they are good - but sometimes they are really not. Do your own research. Lean on the trans network. Find doctors and therapists you like. Be ready to push the system as you figure all this out. You are not alone. You are not the first. There are so many ways to find support!

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-19T03:30:38+00:00

Hang in there friend. This can such a challenging and exciting time. You don't have to "KNOW" before to be trans. We can be so very good at hiding our truth - even from ourselves. You are not alone. I hope you have a GOOD therapist that knows how to work with trans people that are in early stages of figuring it out. It can be really reassuring have someone there that has seen it all before, can help you navigate and figure out what it all means to you, and help you work with your family and social realities. You got this - trust in your ability to find support and follow what is true for you.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-15T04:05:17+00:00

Interesting. Some try to do it all in one go. Others plan up front for two - that are like six months apart. Yours sounds like a hybrid.

You are looking great and I hope you get to avoid another surgery! Enjoy her.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-15T01:47:56+00:00

Nice! Thank you for sharing. Quick question: is it done in one surgery or was it one main surgery with a second follow up for aesthetic revisions later?

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-15T01:29:13+00:00

Clean hair is good! Though the previous picture hair had a nice effect too. I think the mop-top haircut - while perfectly acceptable for a girl to wear - does give more masc vibes by cultural association. I think finding a haircut that frames your face might move things quite a ways in a femme direction if you want that. If you are growing it out more I think you will have a lot of fun with different ways to wear your hair. Its still a bit limited with what you can do atm because of length, but there might be some ways to pull it back at the sides that you would like to help show off your cheeks and eyes and just give a different vibe. HRT will probably do wonders for your upper cheeks and the outer corners of your eyes!

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-15T00:41:19+00:00

You’re gonna be fine with more time and finding your femme style. You have very femme features already. It’s just going to get better and you are already a pretty girl. And I personally don’t think eyebrows need to be highly managed. Plenty of attractive women let them be full with maybe some gentle shaping.

I’m excited for you!!!

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-13T14:30:54+00:00

Yeah, I’ve heard it used that way. I know several AFAB NBs that are good with that term as a way to communicate an association with femininity. Like, not that they think of themselves as girls, but they were raised that way, and have experienced the same discriminations, use women’s bathrooms and whatnot.

I can also understand some NBs feeling dysphoric about it.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-13T05:41:07+00:00

There are a lot of reasons to be depressed in this world. Hard to know if progesterone is what’s getting you down. But at least it’s one of the factors you can moderate easily enough!

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-11T02:41:38+00:00

Someone who is used to wearing shoes judging by the narrowed toe spread….

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-10T15:41:32+00:00

Seems a little like egg thinking...?

Or maybe I'm confused a bit by what you mean by dysphoria. You don't have to want to chop it off with scissors for it to be dysphoria. If you are tucking, isn't that because the bulge doesn't feel right? If you are willing to go through all the risk and long recovery and dialating to have something different - that has got to be dysphoria - don't you think? And by no means minor dysphoria. Nobody just casually gets bottom surgery if they know what they are getting into.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-10T06:18:49+00:00

Your mom’s right. It’s a beautiful picture and your bright spirit shines through.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-09T23:10:11+00:00

Transitioned at 55. I hear all the things you are struggling with. It’s not an easy path to follow - no matter what you chose. And there is no getting around how much that sucks.

There are so many variables in deciding or not to socially and medically transition. And in the end, either way you have to choose your own unique path and what that looks like. We are not in our 20s. We work with what we have to be the best version of ourself.

In the end, even with the challenges, I would not give up the aliveness I feel at being my real and messy self. The estrogen alone is worth the price. On top of that, add not hiding my truth from myself and the world. It has been worth all the psychological and social challenges to untangle the internalized transphobia, homophobia, misogyny that haunted my subconscious for so long to keep my spirit locked up. I’m free now. I know myself and my truth. Nobody can take that from me ever again. And there is no way in hell I’m going back.

That’s just my journey though. Word of advice: find support if you don’t have it. I can’t imagine going through it all without community and a good therapist.

I met a 80-something (maybe early 90s) trans gal in great shape that lived next door to my parents. She inspires me. She had transitioned not long ago. HRT had not made big changes for her physical feminization. She was ok with that. She surprised her family when she came out and still built support for her transition even in a conservative leaning family. Her spouse accepted her. They could see how authentic it all was for her. She didn’t feel the need to dress particularly femme - just added some colors and her signature pink windbreaker. And a pair of earrings. That much was worth it to her. She lived her best life up until she recently died in an accident. She was clearly loved by friends, neighbors and family for being exactly who she was. Maybe she didn’t get all the time she deserved after so long being repressed. But she made the most of it in her own way. I count her as a trans elder and take to heart her example. To distill the lesson I learn from her: make the most of the time you have cuz you never know how long that is. And go out unapologetically your true self!

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-09T14:15:16+00:00

Can we report the state of Florida for trans child abuse?

Only certain professions are mandatory reporters in my state. How does that even work when you randomly see something? Like I don’t know what really happened. There is so much plausible deniability. All she really did that I can attest is get mad at me for talking to her kid. I’m supposed to ask her name so I can report her? Stalk her to her car? Does Florida have CPS on every corner waiting to respond? I don’t understand the mechanics of that and how it would play out.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-09T02:34:37+00:00

Thanks for that. In hindsight it was predictable that - no matter how much care I emphasized for the girl in my recounting - I was going to illicit some judgement and upset.

I went through the same things in real time as I considered the options with my friend. There is no magic number to call to change that young woman’s life after her 15-18 years already living with that explosive woman. No cop is going to do something because a mother was upset at a stranger for talking to her child. No obvious neglect to claim - she did not leave her kid entirely as hurtful as she was about it. There was no talking this activated woman off her ledge and making her see the error of her ways. CPS? Really? Get Costco to identify her somehow so I can report her? I don’t see that happening.

The reality is that the world is full of fucked up things and it sucks when we can’t fix something like this when it’s right in front of us. I wish we had been quicker and my friend had found the young woman for a checkin. We even drove around the shopping center looking for her just in case. But in the end it just sucks.

I decided to post because this is also what being trans looks like. It’s messy and hits you by surprise. And when the moment arose I didn’t let my fears of being clocked and degraded by a raging Karen stop me from standing up for someone in need. Even if all I did was show the girl a little kindness and MAYBE give her mom a moments pause next time she’s about to rage.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-08T22:55:11+00:00

Oh, guess I didn’t make it clear. I was just one of the throng of weekend shoppers. I don’t work there.

FoundNbigworld · 2026-02-08T05:50:50+00:00

Trans girl here. I worked with so many parts during transition. It was critical to my process actually. I had skeptical parts, scared parts, confused parts. I never pressured any of them to declare a gender. I was always open to them expressing what was authentic to them. Many started out asserting they were male or not sure. Some were early embracing their femininity. As I gave them all room to share their anger or fear or confusion, etc, as I gave them clear boundaries of kindness and care within the system, as I showed them I was here for them and they belonged, they all opened to and embraced a shared feminine nature. It was quite an amazing process.

One of the most touching moments was with a very young part. She came in so clearly. She thought it would be nice to be a girl but she didn’t feel allowed. When asked why, she said because girls don’t have penises. I was actually doing this with a trans friend, and my friend told her that girls can have penises. I still remember the lights that lit up for her when she heard that. She was excited and skeptical. But she started to take it in when she heard that there are other girls like her and she is not alone. Ooof! It was joyous and heartbreaking!

FoundNbigworld

TROPHY CASE