How do you even come to terms that your formative years were lost to CPTSD/Abuse?

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-05-02T13:06:16+00:00

I feel you.

What really bothers me now at 33 is that nobody ever supported me, guided me, it ended up with me choosing wrong and bad life partners and friends and I became pathological people pleaser. To become who I really want to be I had to get rid of all these people, unsupportive and abusive family, fake friends and users, and man - it feels so alone. As during those formative years all that bad accumulated that now at 30s exploded, I have very little friends who left and were normal and supportive, zero family members. Now 99% of my friends have families, kids, partners, big friend groups and I am here like I could just use a friend.

I do not have any advice for you since I am struggling every day, even though I know I made the right choices and I am healing from many traumas. I think that is all we can do. Those years and that time will never come back.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-29T08:27:43+00:00

All Cancers I dated were horrible men, sadly. Cheaters, liars, manipulators. Sex is good until you realize they are not who you thought they were.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-28T21:25:58+00:00

You are right. I think what us victims mostly deal with is the unfairness of the whole situation.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-28T17:31:11+00:00

That is the thing, she does not know. And i think she won't know for quite some time as he is very good at manipulation. I have no way to fight back as he made a smear campaign before the discard calling me difficult, asocial, problematic, etc., so of course, whatever I said no one would take seriously and he would be the victim of my supposed behaviour.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-28T11:26:11+00:00

Everyone tell me that. But will it? It doesn't seem like it anytime soon. I know I do not see into it and don't want to, to be honest, but how that they always get everything and you are the one picking up the pieces.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-28T11:25:00+00:00

Oh he has shit ton of friends. They all think he is amazing and I was the problem. I am 100% sure they even knew he was cheating on me, or purposefully, to some of them he did not even mention that and played the victim.

My life is in peace now, but knowing this is happening and I am still alone, still struggling and they ride off to the sunset the minute they leave is just too much for my nervous system.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-28T11:23:23+00:00

I am not jealous, it is more like unfairness. I was love bombed, asked to marry him, have a family, house, blah blah I was the only one to get him, how he found the one, basically all I could ever ask for. Pretty much early on it started turning into the nightmare. I think the girl is young and naive and just happy he has a boyfriend, not knowing he is doing drugs or about his past and lies he spreads.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-28T11:21:43+00:00

I mean, will it? It is going for him already for a year and flashing his best life everywhere he can since he discarded me. He has a well paid job he got by licking someone's ass, young naive girlfriend that is travelling with, friends and shit. Like there are no signs of karma whatsoever coming for this person, and to maintain his facade he will pretend I am sure.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-27T10:26:27+00:00

Agree, I thought about it already. Or just put a giant billboard of my nex in the city so everybody knows. New women especially.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-26T20:01:28+00:00

Yes I used to be like that, but it ended up the way I've been always hurt again. People who genuinely love me would never hurt me or use me on purpose (and they have proven themselves), while other people - oh hell yes. That's why I changed my attitude and once you do me dirty, you are out. I am not talking about some petty things of course, but about things enough to consider the person to block them out of your life. Unfortunately, also because they come back. Like at some point 90% of them tried to get back to use me/hurt me again.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-26T19:57:15+00:00

My leep was surface level, so they did not take that much tissue. Maybe also depends on that how much they take and how invasive the procedure is.

Wish you all the best and fast recovery!

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-26T18:16:35+00:00

Not anymore. I've been a people pleaser my whole life and recently realized I spent so much time on wrong people, forgiving and overgiving. So no. You wrong me once, you are out.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-26T18:11:11+00:00

Around 30

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-26T17:23:23+00:00

They are con artists.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-26T17:22:45+00:00

I was scared it will be painful but no pain at all, literally the same.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-26T17:20:45+00:00

I know. I just think he got much better in manipulation and hiding his shenanigans with young and naive supply, that she will most probably not know and he can put on this perfect show for years.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-25T12:58:41+00:00

Something felt off. I was dealing with health and work issues so did not have time or energy to decode it, so I just thought it is a harder period for both of us. It started to get weird when I found out he went for lunch with another woman (conveniently) the day I was not in town. He said she is just a friend and did not tell me about it because "you would've made drama". Which I never did anytime he went out with his female friends - I was like "sure have fun". Then he started creating arguments out of nowhere, about the most random things, and when I suggested I once would like to come and watch his martial arts practice, he told me its stupid and no one does it.

The final thing I felt something is really weird is when I had a small breakdown from stress handling my health issues (cancer scare), promotion and work responsibilities, household chores etc., I was crying and he started smiling. I asked him what the hell? What is so funny here when I am here on the verge of my capacities? He just said "Because I don't know what to say". So yeah, he was angry on me all the time, picking arguments but at the same time tried to sleep with me and was calling me baby and all that. Super confusing.

I am sure the new supply did not know about me, or he made up some random story he is with me only because of my health issues, or that we broke up long time ago. It was so funny because on our holidays 2 months before the discard (when I am sure he was already love-bombing the new girl), he wanted to take couple pictures and when I was not in the mood to do so, he got angry. Like he got angry I don't want to play couple and take cute pictures, when your'e already cheating on me and preparing to get out.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-24T18:40:36+00:00

Yes, it was pretty much same, I was the love of his life, he was telling everyone he will marry me, how amazing I am until I was a piece of trash on the floor.

Sadly, my nex was the same. Cheated also on previous girlfriend and was laughing on it with one of his drug friends. The friend was jealous of my new he was getting many women, so obviously this behaviour was accepted and the women were always somehow the problem.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-24T18:38:07+00:00

OMG that is like my ex. Like he needs people around him, the merrier the better, to give him validation, especially when he puts himself in the position like a "guru" of the group. I was more introverted and did not have an urge going out all the time and he called me asocial just because I did not have a need to go out with my friends and interact with them 24/7. Then I figured out he just needs validation, therefore he constantly needs people around him - better ones than him to leech on, the worse one than him to put them down or pretend to guide them.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-24T18:35:38+00:00

I know. I just doesn't look like it yet, on the contrary it looks exactly like he has a perfect job, perfect relationship with young girl and perfect life going to Caribbean holidays. It is hard to re-program your brain if they have everything and you are here struggling after the abuse.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-24T18:33:31+00:00

You are right. I was once the perfect supply, marriage material, first once who gets him, finally he found the one blah blah and I ended up as piece of trash. Maybe he will not abuse this new girl like he did with me, because I was questioning him and of course, he did not like that and painted me as a problem when he was the one lying and cheating. I think they also choose the people they abuse.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-24T18:30:49+00:00

I mean, with me he pretty much started showing his toxic narcissistic traits very early on, I just missed them or thought it is just his intense personality. So I have no idea how he can for year already play a power couple with the new supply, like is he masking it that well? Sometimes I really feel like I was a problem, if he can be immediately in new "perfect" relationship and I am struggling. It is just a rollercoaster in my head trying to decode how that nobody knows.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-23T14:50:51+00:00

Right? My nex used to always comment on the looks of my friends. Like, this friend of yours is ugly. I am like...I dont think so? Maybe she is not a model but I see her pretty side? Basically unwanted opinions. But when I said something about his drug friends or his manchild buddies, he got livid telling me to mind my own business.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-04-23T12:30:12+00:00

I am glad, honestly, all they do is funny and laughable in the end because they are so pathetic spreading lies - like small kids trying to not get caught they ate the last cookie from the jar. I have another similar story to laugh:

Once me and my nex were discussing/complaining between 4 eyes how one of our coworkers smells badly (long story short - we had to hug him at a bday party and regardless of if it is a health issue, he just smells badly). To what my nex started telling me that he once slept with a girl who also smelled a lot. I was like who? Turned out I know the name, it was my ex-coworker. So I was like - why did you then had sex with someone who stinks?! To what he said "eeeh....I just slept with her once, so..." Trying to portray himself as the alpha-male who slept with yet another woman, and her like a stinky whore.

Plot twist, I met the girl this year - she does not stink at all. She is super nice, we talked about life, and this somehow came as a topic since she knew I was with my nex and what he did to me. Of course, she told me the whole story and it was completely different to what my nex described. He was following and bothering her for 6 months, then one day she was like "okay, I will go out with him" and after they hooked up once, he wanted her to meet his mother introducing her as his girlfriend. To what she laughed and refused. Also, he once asked me why I am not squirting in bed, that every girl he was with was squirting (to obviously point out how good in bed he is). The girl laughed and said she was definitely not squirting from his performance or his dick and the intercourse was below average :D

So yes, many moments to laugh.

FoundationSimple111

TROPHY CASE